Jokes & Riddles - April 2007

people are dieing to get in?

2007-04-21 04:12:02 · 8 answers · asked by legayle_81 1

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are crossing an enchanted bridge in Magical Fairyland when they run into a fairy. The fairy says that they can be granted a transformation if they jump off the bridge and call out their wish. The brunette immediately jumps off the bridge and yells "Eagle!" She turns into a beautiful bird of prey and flies away. The redhead jumps off the bridge and yells out "Salmon!" She turns into a gorgeous shimmering salmon and swims upstream to spawn. The blonde is at this point so excited that she jumps off the bridge without thinking of her wish. She panics.
"Crap!"

2007-04-21 02:43:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

All i can think of is
ROTFL
L8R
LOL
IAMO
Please Help Me find more.

2007-04-21 01:05:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

before you criticise someone walk a mile in their shoes that way your when you criticise them your a mile and way and youve got their shoes

2007-04-21 01:01:24 · 18 answers · asked by azza s 2

fall out ? Dont be stupid replies Joe we have been friends for 20 years,

2007-04-21 00:48:51 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

hhahahahhaaaaaa

2007-04-20 23:26:41 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-20 22:49:36 · 50 answers · asked by Anonymous

A baby was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing like crazy. I mean laughing real hard. All the doctors and nurses were examining the little thing, in front of the worried parents, but he kept on laughing, his tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes. One at a time, a pediatrician unfolded the tiny fingers to check if the hand was all right, and... guess what he found? The birth control pill!

2007-04-20 22:41:14 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is an old one.

2007-04-20 22:38:58 · 45 answers · asked by Richard 7

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.

However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you?"

"My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

2007-04-20 22:38:09 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she'd need but she knew her blonde friend sharon from next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were indentical in size.

"Shaz." she said, "how many rolls wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?"

"Ten," answered Sharon.

So the blonde bought ten rolls of wallpaper and did the job, but at the end she had two rolls left over.

"Shaz," she said, "I bought ten rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got two left over."

"Yeah," said Sharon. "So did I."

2007-04-20 22:38:07 · 15 answers · asked by MynameisShirl 5

A little old lady goes into the store to do some shopping. She is bewildered over the large selection of toilet paper. "Pardon me, sir," she says to the store manager, "but can you explain the differences in all these toilet papers?" "Well," he replies pointing out one brand, "this is as soft as a baby's bottom. It's $1.50 per roll."

He grabs another and says, "This is nice and soft, strong but gentle, and it's $1.00 a roll." Pointing to the bottom shelf he tells her, "We call that our No Name brand, and it's 20 cents per roll."

"Give me the No Name," she says. She comes back about a week later, seeks out the manager and says, "Hey! I've got a name for your No Name toilet paper. I call it John Wayne." "Why?" he asks. "Because it's rough, it's tough and it don't take crap from anybody!"

2007-04-20 22:35:23 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

(apologies to any germans, dont mean any offence!)

FITZ NICE'N'TITE

2007-04-20 22:32:52 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name, Tylenol is Acetaminophen, Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for V--gra, and announced today that they have settled on Mycoxafloppin.

2007-04-20 22:26:56 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.

The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."

2007-04-20 22:26:15 · 11 answers · asked by Chocolate Strawberries. 4

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. One day they met up and discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You remember how Mom enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know she can't see very well any more. I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. It took elders in the church 12 years to teach him. He's one of a kind. Mama just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot recites it."

Soon thereafter, the mother sent out her letters of thanks: "Milton," she wrote one son, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Gerald," she wrote to another, "I am too old to travel any more. I spend most of the time at home, so I rarely use the Mercedes. And the driver is so rude!" "Dearest Donald," she wrote to her third son, "you have the good sense to know what your mother likes. The chicken was delicious!"

2007-04-20 22:21:16 · 22 answers · asked by MynameisShirl 5

What do you call the operation that turns a woman into a man??? An addadictomy

2007-04-20 22:09:51 · 11 answers · asked by michelledenay 2

Just leave any comment here and claim your free two points!!!
Don't worry, the Kirby dude is buying, and it's all on the house!!!

2007-04-20 21:11:22 · 41 answers · asked by Gamer_Nikko™ 4

Three blonde women are walking down a beach and they find a magic lamp. They rub it and the genie comes out. The genie tells them that normally one person would have 3 wishes, but since the three of them found the lamp they each got one.
The first woman tells the genie that she's tired of being treated like trash and she wishes to be 50% smarter. *Poof* the genie turns her into a redhead.
The second woman says that she's tired of being treated like garbage also and want's to be 100% smarter. *Poof* the genie turns her into a brunette.
The third woman says that she LOVES being treated like trash and she wants to be 100% dumber. *Poof* She turned into a man.

2007-04-20 18:40:37 · 20 answers · asked by Amanda 1

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang @ 2 in the morning. The VERY blond wife picked up the phone, listened for a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!!" and hung up.
The husband said, "who was that?"
The wife answered, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

2007-04-20 17:21:46 · 23 answers · asked by ♥femme fatale♥ 2

Answer ASAP!

2007-04-20 17:11:19 · 16 answers · asked by JoeL 2

2007-04-20 17:05:22 · 21 answers · asked by saffron 3

its true

2007-04-20 16:51:45 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-04-20 16:45:46 · 13 answers · asked by jake v 1

A boy was born in Melbourne, Florida today without eylids. To keep his eyes from drying out plastic surgeons managed to make eyelids for him using his foreskin. He is expected to do well following surgery but he may be a little ********.

2007-04-20 16:33:57 · 10 answers · asked by chris s 3

Yes. and they have the 5th of July, 6th of July, ect...

2007-04-20 15:15:23 · 25 answers · asked by ColorMeHappy 2

Man discovered weapons, invented hunting.
Woman discovered hunting, invented furs.

Man discovered colors, invented painting.
Woman discovered painting, invented make-up.

Man discovered speech, invented conversation.
Woman discovered conversation, invented gossip.

Man discovered agriculture, invented food.
Woman discovered food, invented diet.

Man discovered friendship, invented love.
Woman discovered love, invented marriage.

Man discovered woman, invented sex.
Woman discovered sex, invented headache.

Man discovered trade, invented money.
Woman discovered money, and it was a complete mess after that.

2007-04-20 15:09:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

When do you subtract from six to get 9.

Six- # = nine

# = ?

2007-04-20 15:06:16 · 11 answers · asked by babycakes_rocks 3

Three travelers end up having to share a room at an over-booked hotel. The clerk tells them the room is thirty dollars for the night. They each chip in $10 and go to the room. The clerk realizes he made a mistake. The room rents for $25 a night! So he calls the bellhop and tells him to take the $5 dollars and return it to travelers. On the way to the room, the bellhop decides he will keep $2 for himself, and gives the guests back $3. So the travelers each get back a dollar. That means they paid $9 each. 3X9 = 27. Plus the two bucks the bellhop kept, that adds up to $29. So, where's the missing dollar?

2007-04-20 15:01:49 · 10 answers · asked by Gary S 2

2007-04-20 14:45:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous