Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.

She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"

The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."

So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred buck just to see one."

Sara thinks about it for a second and figures, what the hell - a hundred bucks! She opens her robe and shows one to him for a few seconds. He promptly thanks her and throws a hundred bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and guy then says "That was so amazing I've got to see both of them. I'll give you another 100 dollars if I could just see the both of them together."

Sara amazed by the offer sits and thinks a bit about it and thinks, heck, why not? So she opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long chance to cop a look.

A while later Tony arrives back home from the store. The wife goes up to him, "You know, your friend Chris came over."

Tony thinks about it for a second and says, "Well did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

2007-01-23 12:30:35 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Penis needs a raise



The Penis

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

* I do physical labor.
* I work at great depths.
* I plunge head first into everything I do.
* I do not get weekends or holidays off.
* I work in a damp environment.
* I work in a dark area with poor ventilation.
* I work in an area with high temperatures.
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Sincerely,

The Penis

Part 2 down below

2007-01-23 12:30:21 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

this bloke goes into a bar and asks for a triple scotch.
The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop.

'Hey buddy, you must be having it rough. Whats up with you?' says the barman

'Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!'

'Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house.'
So the bartender gives him another tripple scotch and again he gulps it down.
'If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?'

'I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!'

'Good for you! You said the right thing.
So what did you say to your best friend?




'Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said...
...BAD DOG!"

2007-01-23 12:25:03 · 15 answers · asked by Ian G 1

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known
spot.

He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light
brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a
closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading
a computer magazine. He
immediately notices a young woman in the rear
seat, knitting. Puzzled by this
surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and
gently raps on the
driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes,
officer?"

The cop says: "What are you doing?"

The young man says: "Well Officer, I'm reading a
magazine."

Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat
the cop says: "And her,
what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's
knitting a pullover sweater."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple,
alone, in a car, at night
in a Lover's lane...and nothing naughty is
happening!

The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The
young man says "I'm 22,
sir."

The cop asks: "And her...what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.

2007-01-23 12:21:42 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

and i'm not gonna lie, i don't know the answer to it. heh heh.

Justin: If the length of the Loch Ness monster is 20 meters and hlaf it's own length, how long is it?

Aileen: Let's see. Twenty and half of twenty is thirty. So it's 30 meters long.

Justin: Aileen, I'm suprised at you. You've contradicted yourself. How can it have a length of 20 meters, and als a length of 30 meters?

Aileen: You're right. The only way the sentence makes sense is if the total length is the sum of 20 meters and half the length. It's simple enough now

Can you figure out how long the monster is? How did you get this answer?

2007-01-23 12:18:11 · 9 answers · asked by echo 5

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug."

2007-01-23 11:54:39 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

“Hello Mr. President.” I said.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Nothing.” I answered. “Do you mind if I ask you a few questions?”

“Well, it’s a little too late for that, huh! But go ahead, continue. By the way, what’s your name?”

“Umm…” I hesitated. “Uhh, Billary Minton.”

“Hey, that sounds like…oh forget it. It’s probably just me! You know how I am! Go on.”

“How do you do it?”

“How do I do what?”

“Be the President.”

“Oh! I didn’t know what you were talking about there for a second. Can you believe it! Anyway, it’s actually pretty simple. I suppose it’s kind of like pin the tail on the donkey. you just hope your pinning that tail on just the right spot. And the great part is, if you mess up, you get to try again and again. It usually takes me quite a few times. But I eventually…no, we always run out of time. But hey, at lest I try!”

“Interesting.”

“I know. Can you believe that I was the least educated cheerleader at Yale?

2007-01-23 11:51:02 · 6 answers · asked by me myslef 1

And look at me now, I’m President! I can’t believe the people actually elected me!”

“They didn’t,” I said under my breath, disguising it with a cough.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, nothing. Now tell me about yourself. What kind of person are you?”

“Well, I think I am flexible and open minded, always willing to try new things and admit my mistakes. Hey, did you catch my State of the Union Address last night? I was on television! Boy do I hate that high definitiion! I don’t really look that bad, do I? ”

“Haven’t aged a bit.”

“Oh! That’s my beeper. Must be important because they only contact me when they really need me, which isn’t often. Usually I just let Cheney do the work. Great guy by the way. You know, being president is harder than I thought.” he said as he skipped out of the Oval Office, bumping into the door on his way out. “Oops. Wrong door!” he remarked while giggling. “You’d be surprised how much that happens.”

2007-01-23 11:50:37 · 18 answers · asked by me myslef 1

An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?"

The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decided that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the birds and the bees.

When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open.

The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?"

The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."

2007-01-23 11:46:13 · 8 answers · asked by scott d 1

I wanna know what you guys would say if put on the spot.

Here's Mine:
You're the hottest thing since sunburn

go!

2007-01-23 11:45:54 · 10 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
Hand Job: $10.00

He checks his wallet for the necessary payment, then he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires, with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"Yep, I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

Replies the man, "Well, then, wash your hands because I want a cheese sandwich"

2007-01-23 11:45:03 · 8 answers · asked by TNL 4

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

2007-01-23 11:41:16 · 14 answers · asked by jonny boy 2

His coworkers asked him "WHAT HAPPENED?" He said "I got on the elevator and then it stopped on the second floor. I moved to the back as a big fat lady stepped in. When the doors closed I looked down and noticed that her dress had gotten stuck in her b*tt crack. I figured that was uncomfortable so I reached down and pulled her dress out of her crack for her. She spun around and punched me in my right eye."

The coworker said, "Wow. But how did you get TWO black eyes?"

The man answered, "Well, the way she acted I figured she wanted it back in there!"

2007-01-23 11:39:07 · 17 answers · asked by yagman 7

This riddle must be done IN YOUR HEAD, NOT by using paper and a pen. Otherwise you will ruin it. Try it!


Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000
. Now add 30. And another 1000.
Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.

What is the total? (in your head)

2007-01-23 11:37:08 · 60 answers · asked by xrandomnessx 2

Two young boys walk into a pharmacy one day, pick out a box of Tampax and proceed to the checkout counter. The man at the counter asks the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"

"Eight," the boy replies.

The man continues, "Do you know what these are used for?"

"Not exactly," the boy says. "But they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now he can't do either one."

2007-01-23 11:36:09 · 17 answers · asked by TNL 4

If you were to take two apples from three apples, how many would you have?

2007-01-23 11:32:03 · 31 answers · asked by xrandomnessx 2

Paddy hires a call girl for the night, but when she arrives they discover that neither of them has any condoms. The girl doesn't want to lose a sale, and Paddy doesn't object, so they have sex without protection. Afterwards Paddy turns to the girl and says "Oh goodness, I just thought, You don't have Aids do you?"
"No," says the girl.
"Thank God for that," says Paddy, "I'd hate to catch it twice."
.................

Come on tell me a Paddy joke and the one I love will get 10 points :)

2007-01-23 11:30:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

One evening a man looks out of his window and sees that burglars are in the garage. He rings the police, but they tell him they don't have a car in his area. The man hangs up, counts to 30 and rings the police again. "Hello," he says, "I rang a few seconds ago about the burglars in my garage...well, you don't have to worry now - I've shot them all!"
Within five minutes there are half a dozen police cars outside his house, and they catch the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen approaches the man and says, "I thought you said you'd shot them!"
The man replies, "And I thought you said there was no one available!"
<><><><>
Little Johnny comes running home from school and tells his mother he's been given a part in the school play. "That's wonderful," says his mother. "Who are you playing?"
Little Johnny replies, "I'm playing the husband!"
The mother scowls and says. "Go back and tell your teacher you want a speaking part."
<><><>

2007-01-23 11:16:54 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

THE KINDERGARDEN CLASS IS OUTSIDE AND THE TEACHER GO GETS THEM TO GO BACK INSIDE. A LITTLE BOY GOES UP TO THE TEACHER AND SAYS " I FOUND A DEAD CAT." THE TEACHER SAYS "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT IT WAS DEAD?"THE BOY SAID"BECAUSE I PISSED IN HIS EAR AND HE DIDIN'T MOVE."THE TEACHER SAYS " HOW COULD YOU DO SUCH A THING!?" THEN HE SAYS " YOU KNOW I BENT DOWN AND SAID PISSSS IN HIS EAR."

2007-01-23 11:16:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

funny motor insurance claims

"Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early." (thanks N Bradley)

"I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim form - ack N Shepherd)

"The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon Burrows)

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus?

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan."

"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way"

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."

"Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

"I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident."

"As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle."

"I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull."

"I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him."

"I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car."

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "

"I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way."

"I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before."

"When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car."

"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."

"No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert."

"I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries."

"The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him."

"I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact."

"The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle."

2007-01-23 11:03:15 · 17 answers · asked by Tink 5

Man has to appear in court for a minor traffic summons.He grows increasingly restless as he waits hours for his case to be heard.When his name is called it's late in the day&he stands before the judge only to hear that the court is going to be adjourned until the next day."What for?" he snaps at the judge. The judge shouts back,"£20 pounds - contempt of court. That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet,the judge relents, "That's all right - you don't have to pay now." The man replies, "I'm not paying!" I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words."
_
A salesman,tired of his job,gives it up to become a policeman. Several months later a friend asks him how he likes it."Well" he replies "The pay is good & the hours aren't bad,but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
_
A man is walking down a dark alley when he's approached by a stranger "Please sir could you spare something for a man down on his luck? All I have in the world is this small gun."

2007-01-23 11:01:54 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.

2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."

3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."

5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <

7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.

8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.

9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".

10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.

11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

12. Sniffle incessantly.

13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

14. Name your dog "Dog." 15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."

17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."

18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".

19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."

20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.

21. Practice making fax and modem noises.

22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.

23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."

26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."

27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control.

28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.

29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.

32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

34. Drum on every available surface.

35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.

36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.

37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.

38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.

39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.

40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

41. Set alarms for random times.

42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.

43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.

44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.

45. Honk and wave to strangers.

46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.

47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.

49. Wear your pants backwards.

50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.

51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"

52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

53. only type in lowercase.

54. dont use any punctuation either

55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.

56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.

57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.

58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.

59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.

60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.

61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."

62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.

63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.

64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.

65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."

66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.

67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.

68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

73. Drive half a block.

74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

75. Ask people what gender they are.

76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.

77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.

78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".

79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.

81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.

83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."

84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.

86. Wear a LOT of cologne.

87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."

88. Sing along at the opera.

89. Mow your lawn with scissors.

90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"

91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."

92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."

95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

96. Never make eye contact.

97. Never break eye contact.

98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.

99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.

100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.

101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

2007-01-23 10:54:35 · 17 answers · asked by jonny boy 2

Jack and jill wen't up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown,
But it turns out the hill was your mother

2007-01-23 10:52:37 · 10 answers · asked by jonny boy 2

2 guys wana go drinking, but have no money. so 1 of them comes up with a brilliant idea. and says 2 the other guy. "I know what we can do, we'll get a sausage an take it with us 2 the bar, order our drinks and when its time to pay up, ill put the sausage in between my legs, and u can suck on it and i'll bet they'll kick us out without paying" so then the other agrees and they set of 2 the bars. they get to the 1st bar and order theyre drinks, and when the bar tender askes 4 the money, the 2nd guy bends down and starts sucking on the sausage. outraged the bar tender yells out "get the hell out of my bar" and tosses them out. so then the 2 guys keep doing this all night from bar 2 bar. finally the guys are trashed and ready 2 call it a night after the last bar. so the 2nd guy turns over and tells the 1st guy. " hey man im kinda hungry, let me get that sausage from u" and the 1st guy looks at him and says " oh, sorry budy........i lost the sausage after the aftert the 3rd bar"

2007-01-23 10:48:40 · 13 answers · asked by scott d 1

A woman gets out of bed, watches TV, talks on the phone, pets her cat, and then shoots a gun. She hids the gun and runs way. Which object would be most useful to a forensic serologist in finding out who the woman was?

TV, Cat, Phone, TV Remote, or Gun

2007-01-23 10:43:10 · 23 answers · asked by katiemcmahon07 1

take a movie and take out a word and insert chin nuts in its place. eg: raiders of the lost chin nuts

2007-01-23 10:36:30 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

it goes something like this, does anyone know the whole joke?
some guy likes this lady but she has a daughter and she says you can only date me if you look after my daughter tonight and then the guy says he will and hes in the shower and the girl asks if she can come in and the guys like no way and she says, i'll tell mummy and so he says ok then she asks about his u no what and he gives it a name, and then hes in bed and the girl does the same thing and sks if she can come in or she'll tell mummy and then she ask about his you no what again and yeah.. then i forgot the rest, does anyone know it?

2007-01-23 10:35:06 · 4 answers · asked by b.girl 1

The alcoholic, the chain smoker and the homosexual:


Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options.

One was an Alcoholic, one was a Chain-Smoker, and one was a Homosexual.

Addressing all three of them, the doctor said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die."

The three men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would NEVER EVER AGAIN indulge himself in his vice.

While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar.

The Alcoholic, hearing the loud music and smelling the ale, could not stop himself.

His buddies accompanied him into the bar where he had a shot of whiskey.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead.

His two companions, somewhat shaken, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words.

As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning.
The Homosexual looked at the Chain-Smoker and said, "You know if you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead."

2007-01-23 10:33:59 · 27 answers · asked by Dr.DRE 4

why was there a bra in the middle of the road

it was a booby trap

2007-01-23 10:32:21 · 25 answers · asked by nico 3

A immigrations officer is partolin his part of the border and he finds a mexican hiding in the bushes he tell him he has to go back to mexico and not cross or he will shoot the mexican pleas for him to let him pass so the officer says ok use these three workds in one sentence and one sentence only the words are green pink and yellow the mexican thinks and say i got it the Phone went gree green and i pink it up and say yellow?

2007-01-23 10:21:00 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous