Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

SMILE !!

Yeah, smile everybody, that's the whole purpose of 'Jokes' anyway .

Did this one make YOU smile ?

2007-01-23 17:58:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-23 17:56:03 · 8 answers · asked by planewayne72@sbcglobal.net 1

An office manager had money problems & had to fire an employee, either Jack or Jill... He thought he'd fire the employee who came late to work the next morning. Well, both employees came to work very early.

Then the manager thought he would catch the first one who took a coffee break. Unfortunately, neither employee took a coffee break. Then the manager decided to see who took the longest lunch break - strangely, neither Jack nor Jill took a lunch break that day, they both ate at their desk.

Then the manager thought he'd wait & see who would leave work the earliest, and both employees stayed after closing. Jill finally went to the coat rack & the manager went up to her & said, "Jill, I have a terrible problem. I don't know whether to lay you or Jack off."

Jill said, "Well, you'd better jack off, because I'm late for my bus."

2007-01-23 17:54:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A decent man started going into the neighborhood drug store every week and buying 2 dozen boxes of condoms. Week after week, he would come in with the same order. One day, the druggist felt he had to say something to the man.

"Wow! You must have the stamina of a bull. Talk about getting lucky! How on earth do you use that many condoms a week?

"The man looked at him in disgust and said, "I beg your pardon, but I find the whole idea of sex repulsive!"

So, the druggist asked, "Then what do you do with all those condoms?"

The gentleman answered, "I feed them to my dog and now she poops in little plastic bags."

2007-01-23 17:52:44 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

In 2003 the exchange rate between U.S and Belium was 140 Belian francs to 4 u.S dollars. You have 120 u.s dollares to exchange. How many Belgian francs can you get?????

its not hard i just want to make sure i got these right!
if you want you can do these as well

In 2003 the excange between the U.S and mexico was about 63 Mexican pesos to 6 U.S dolloars. You have 90 U.S dollars to exchange How many pesos can you get in exchange?

and another....

A commercial jet travels 3240 miles in 6 hours Another jet traves 11000 miles in 2 houres ae the two going at equivalent rates?
(use cross products to compare the two rates)

you pay 22.20 at a gas station for 15 gallons of gas.
How much would 5 gallons of gas cost?

A post office sells first class stamps and postard stamps.
For every 9 stamps sold 7 were first class stamps and 2 post card stamps.
A)a post office sold 46260 stamps for the year how many of them were first class?
B) of those 46260 stamps how many were postage

2007-01-23 17:50:27 · 8 answers · asked by im gone 1

I'm best when hot, but sound like cold
Come in forms both mild and bold.
Usually red, occasionally green,
Dependent upon a type of bean.

2007-01-23 17:24:54 · 15 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

2007-01-23 17:14:45 · 10 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

I never move, but often run,
At times entice most everyone.
I keep it fresh, but don't update,
The less I have, the more your weight.

2007-01-23 17:07:58 · 9 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

On January 15th a man called 911 at 9:00 pm to report a woman's murder at a neighbor's house. When the police arrived they asked him what happened. He said, "I was out jogging as usual and as I passed by my neighbor's house I heard a scream from inside the house. I saw a shadow pass by the window and then another scream. I ran up onto the yard toward the window to see what was happening. When I got to the window I wiped the frost from the window pane so I could get a better look inside. I saw a man running out of the room and the woman lying in a pool of blood on the floor. I ran around to the back of the house to see if I could get a glimpse of the man as he ran out the back door but by the time I got there he was gone.

The policeman immediately handcuffed the neighbor who had reported the murder and said "You're under arrest for the murder of this woman."

How did he know the man who reported the murder was actually the murderer?

2007-01-23 16:59:02 · 7 answers · asked by yagman 7

Room for one, without a doubt,
Those within, encouraged out,
Skeletons dwell encased in shame,
Entrance to others kills one's name.

2007-01-23 16:57:42 · 8 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

My first attempt. I will get harder as I get better. 10 pts. to first correct answer.
Loved by many, loathed by some,
Little choice to go or come,
Direction without a compass rose,
Knowledge comes to one who goes.

Tell me what you think.

2007-01-23 16:52:17 · 16 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

I go into a hardware store to buy something specific for my house. When I ask the clerk the price, the clerk answers that "the price of one is fifty cents, the price of thirty is one dollar, and the price of one hundred forty-four is one dollar and fifty cents."

What am I buying?

2007-01-23 16:47:54 · 10 answers · asked by yagman 7

This teenage girl wanted to see Santa so she stayed up on Christmas Eve.

At about 12:00 a.m. Santa came down her chimney and she said to him in a little voice "Santa will you stay with me?"

And Santa said" HO HO HO gotta go, gotta go, gotta give other children presents you know!"

So she took off her robe and she said "Santa will you stay with me now?”

And he said "HO HO HO gotta go gotta go gotta give other children presents you know!"

So she took off her bra and said "Santa will you stay with me now?"

And he said again "HO HO HO gotta go, gotta go, gotta give other children presents you know!"

So she took off her panties & was completely naked & said in a sexy voice "Santa will you stay with me now?"

Santa said "Hey, hey, hey gotta stay, gotta stay can't go up the chimney with my pecker this way!"

2007-01-23 16:47:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Give me a sentence abuot a public servant" said the teacher. Little Johnny wrote,'the fireman came down the ladder, pregnant." The teacher took him aside,"Dont you know what pregnant means?" she asked him. "Sure do" he replied confidently, "It means carrying a child!"

2007-01-23 16:46:08 · 14 answers · asked by ? 5

2007-01-23 16:39:40 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-23 16:28:10 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hispanic man walks into a cafe one early morning and noticed that he was the only Hispanic man there. As he sat down,he noticed a white man behind him.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here."

The Hispanic man turned around and stood up.

He then said:

"listen Pendejo....when i was born,i was BROWN,"
"When i grew up,i was BROWN,"
"When i'm sick, i'm BROWN,"
"When i go in the sun,i'm BROWN,"
"When I'm cold,i'm BROWN,"
"When i die, i'll be BROWN."


But you pendejo...."



"When you're born,you're pink,"
"When you grow up, you're white,"
"When you're sick,you're green,"
"When you go in the sun,you turn red,"
"When you're cold,you turn blue,"
"And when you die,you turn purple."
"And you have the nerve to call me colored?"
"Chinga tu madre,puto!!

2007-01-23 16:23:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

2007-01-23 16:19:49 · 9 answers · asked by jazzieloveday 1

2007-01-23 15:50:56 · 15 answers · asked by boxersgirlbunny 5

An Outsider in a small Texas town around Christmas time, saw a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. But one small feature was all wrong: the three wise men were wearing fireman's helmets.

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, he left. At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, he asked the lady behind the counter about the helmets.

She exploded into a rage, yelling, "You darn Yankees never read your Bibles!" The Outsider assured her that he did, but simply couldn't recall anything about firemen in the Bible.

She jerked her Bible from behind the counter and riffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her finger at a passage. Sticking it in the guys face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The three wise men came from afar.'"

2007-01-23 15:50:31 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

lets here some real jokes please. Something original.
Thanks!

2007-01-23 15:48:29 · 20 answers · asked by infiniteson 3

If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?

2007-01-23 15:38:32 · 13 answers · asked by xrandomnessx 2

2007-01-23 15:14:50 · 23 answers · asked by Nicky 3

what's long, green, and smells like pork?

2007-01-23 15:13:38 · 7 answers · asked by elclone 3

2007-01-23 15:12:29 · 20 answers · asked by Nicky 3

2007-01-23 15:04:38 · 20 answers · asked by Beautiful Blonde 1

Yeah, kind of immature. I heard that when I was like ten but I still think it's funny that's probably why it's a good thing I don't have kids!

2007-01-23 14:59:00 · 17 answers · asked by SHELTIELUVER 3

My friend and I had a cop come to our school in fifth grade. We had a question box he would have. He'd pull out a question and read it aloud. But alas, he didn't look at the question before reading it, and so he felt completely stupid when he read it. My friend and I still answered his question. Can you guess what the answer we stated was?

2007-01-23 14:42:33 · 8 answers · asked by Murr;; Fang 3

Do you know any jokes on turkeys?

2007-01-23 14:32:07 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-23 14:30:38 · 15 answers · asked by cmswhitlock 1