Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Now think about it.....


Answer:

10 little piggies
2 calves
1 a*ss

and an unknown number of "hares"!!!

2007-01-23 14:18:44 · 15 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

2007-01-23 14:18:30 · 6 answers · asked by king_art_thegreat 2

"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Oswald"
"Oswald who?"
"________ _____ _____"

Do you know the answer?

2007-01-23 14:11:00 · 16 answers · asked by Nunya M 4

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Now think about it.....


Answer:

10 little piggies
2 calves
1 a*ss

and an unknown number of "hares"!!!

2007-01-23 14:06:50 · 3 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

2007-01-23 14:06:20 · 27 answers · asked by g_minican1 1

anyone have any idea what the recepe or where i can find the recepe for laxative brownies???

2007-01-23 14:02:40 · 6 answers · asked by bryan h 1

What that be like
would you even kno your alive

2007-01-23 13:58:33 · 10 answers · asked by Doss 2

Yo mammas so stupid she dropped 2 quarters off the empire state building and thought she killed 50 cent.

2007-01-23 13:57:25 · 16 answers · asked by word_life_4_ever_u 2

How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Now think about it.....


Answer:

10 little piggies
2 calves
1 a*ss

and an unknown number of "hares"!!!

2007-01-23 13:50:51 · 2 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

i think this is like kind of old but here goes!

Spell ICUP! I-C-U-P n listen carefully 2 wat you saying n you'll figure it out!

2007-01-23 13:50:40 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

well the bottom of the mermaid is the TAIL of the fish but the human part is the waist up.....so like I said...how do mermaids have sex???

2007-01-23 13:41:10 · 24 answers · asked by Carissa O 1

The British were "coming"!!!





What do you get when you cross a donkey with an onion??





A piece of *** that brings a tear to your eye.








i thought they were funny what about you??

2007-01-23 13:36:17 · 7 answers · asked by ? 5

Law of Mechanical Repair

After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.


Law of the Workshop

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


Law of Probability

The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


Law of the Telephone

If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.


Law of the Alibi

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


Variation Law

If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


Law of the Bath

When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


Law of Close Encounters

The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.



Law of the Result

When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


Law of Biomechanics

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


Law of the Theater

At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


Law of Coffee

As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


Murphy's Law of Lockers

If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


Law of Rugs/Carpets

The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


Law of Location

No matter where you go, there you are.


Law of Logical Argument

Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


Brown's Law

If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


Oliver's Law

A closed mouth gathers no feet.


Wilson's Law

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


Doctors' Law

If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.

Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick

2007-01-23 13:35:21 · 6 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

How many days is he gone?

2007-01-23 13:29:05 · 7 answers · asked by thick. sexy 1

Wow, I've asked this twice and only two people got it close on the 2nd one so I'm asking this AGAIN to try and get a right answer.


Riddle:

Who makes a living by being killed?


I thought of this myself btw. First person to get it right get's best answer.

2007-01-23 13:25:50 · 18 answers · asked by David H 3

I have holes on my left and on my right.
And I have holes in the middle, yet I still hold water.
What am I?

2007-01-23 13:19:43 · 8 answers · asked by b_eazy01 3

2007-01-23 13:08:14 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Any jokes that were never told before or that you dont think ive heard of?

You get full points =)

2007-01-23 13:05:54 · 6 answers · asked by xrandomnessx 2

What's wrong blue panda bear????

2007-01-23 13:05:26 · 6 answers · asked by hmw95 3

i want to laugh, tell me all the best jokes you know (no smartasses please[unless you know good jokes]) from blonde to chuck norris whatever joke you know

heres my contribution
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

2007-01-23 12:59:27 · 8 answers · asked by Guitr Playrrr 2

If there was a $650,000,000,000 check on the ground, and you had
15 seconds to get it. But here is the twist to it. There were 4 live rats, 2 boas, and 5 leeches on it. So, how would you get it??????

2007-01-23 12:55:16 · 9 answers · asked by Matthew W 3

How did a man legally marry three women in California, without divorcing any of them, becoming legally separated, or any of them dying? How did he pull it off?

2007-01-23 12:54:38 · 10 answers · asked by lolsies 1

I need it quickly if possible thanks

2007-01-23 12:46:46 · 5 answers · asked by balletgrl2793 1

isnit so funny!

2007-01-23 12:42:57 · 10 answers · asked by hunter 3

i'm leaving jr.high this year and i wanna go out in style

2007-01-23 12:41:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Drugs & Circular Logic

Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, “If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I’ll let you two off.”

Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results.

“I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,” the first man says.

“That’s great,” the judge replies. “What did you tell them?”

“I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.”

The other defendant says, “I got 100 people to give up drugs!”

“One hundred! How?” asks the judge.

“Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ‘This is your asshole before prison...’”

2007-01-23 12:37:02 · 11 answers · asked by hunter 3

The Doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself.

As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit."

The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long."

2007-01-23 12:35:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is your favorite punch line?
Not the whole joke just the punch line.
like:

I don't know, but he's got the Pope for a chaufer.

Holy cow, a talking pig!

2007-01-23 12:35:18 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-23 12:34:36 · 31 answers · asked by maisyn3m ♥ 3

Sitting in my house, and I know that I'm alone,
Feeling kinda horny, got a jingle in my bone
Go and grab a Penthouse it's the one with Sharon Stone
Hey Masturbata!

I go a little faster and its feeling kind of nice,
Once ain't enough so I have to do it twice
If you wanna spank the monkey I can give you good advice
Hey Masturbata!

I use some baby oil or a little Vaseline,
Laying down a towel so I keep my carpet clean
Never shake my hand cause you don't know where its been
Hey Masturbata!

I do it in the car when I'm driving down the street,
One hand on the wheel and the other on my meat
I can't get out the car cause I'm sticking to the seat
Hey Masturbata!

Since I was a kid I have been a masturbater,
Choke the chicken; hum the knob, squeezing the tomato
I've looked at Ms. November now I'm gonna decorate her
Hey, Masturbata!

Buffing the banana, Mr. Lizard shaking bacon,
Pounding on the flounder and its mayonnaise I'm makin'.
Spank the frank, wax the carrot, god my hand is achin'.
Hey, Masturbata!

2007-01-23 12:33:03 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous