Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

as you like

2007-01-24 00:51:54 · 24 answers · asked by Prince 1

i wanna a funny answer or rather a reasonable one will also work

2007-01-24 00:49:08 · 16 answers · asked by lively 2

Whatever!

2007-01-24 00:44:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian Barmaid. As she takes his order, a Foster's, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees. The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree.

This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from.

2007-01-24 00:44:17 · 17 answers · asked by speedball182 3

A man buys 9 oranges and puts them in 4 bags. Each bag has an evan amount of oranges in them, how many oranges are in each bag??

2007-01-24 00:43:53 · 10 answers · asked by Fraser B 1

2007-01-24 00:40:20 · 14 answers · asked by ? 2

teacher tells the class to write a essay about their mother. One girls puts her hand up and says i dont have a mother, but the teacher says sure you do, everyone has a mother. girls says no cause her father had her with her aunt

2007-01-24 00:34:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

i didnt know mokeys hung out with weasel's... did you? smart ***...

2007-01-24 00:32:43 · 7 answers · asked by kMac969 2

what did the toaster say to the bread?

A:take the j outa jam and the f outa way!

To talking muffins walk into oven...the first one says "boy, is it hot in here or what?" and the other goes "AHHHHHHHH A TALING MUFFIN!!!"

2007-01-24 00:31:33 · 16 answers · asked by ♥Sanjaya♥Malakar♥Lover♥ 1

Think of words ending in "-gry". "Angry" and "hungry" are two of them.
There are only three words in the English language. What is the third
word? The word is something that everyone uses every day

2007-01-24 00:26:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme
sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.
Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told
him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and
exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner
table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang.He made me promise not to

2007-01-24 00:15:17 · 7 answers · asked by ~♥~ *CHEEKY* ~♥~ 6

A rich man needs---, a poor man has---, if you eat you will die---. Only one worid fits in all 3 blanks?

2007-01-24 00:15:16 · 8 answers · asked by Masroor K 1

A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron.

He turned to her and said, "This is a special day, I’m celebrating."

"What a coincidence," said the woman, "I’m celebrating, too". She clinked glasses with him and asked, "What are you celebrating?"

"I’m a chicken farmer," he replied. "For years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile."

"What a coincidence, the woman said. "My husband and I have been trying to have a child. Today, my gynecologist told me I’m pregnant! How did your chickens become fertile?" she asked.

"I switched cxcks," he replied.

"What a coincidence," she said.

2007-01-24 00:09:29 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-24 00:05:21 · 7 answers · asked by Richbitch 3

Two men sharing a room in the local hospital are scheduled for surgery. Both are having prostrate problems.

The nurse arrives to do her duties as ordered.

The first man gets prep’d, recieves a happy shot and to his delight the nurse reaches below his sheets and grabs ahold of his shxft; as she starts to stroke him gently, the man says "Hey what is this? Not that I mind, I’m just alittle curious? Doc didn’t mention a hxndjob?"

The nurse instructed him to relax and enjoy. It was normal procedure to make sure there was no spxrm present when the procedure was being carried out.

The man did as he was told and shortly there after reached clxmax and laid back with a smile on his face.

2007-01-23 23:58:17 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a man who wants to cross the river,he saw a bridge,there were two police and the sign that says "do not cross the brige".There was a boy who cross the bridge and nothing happened.How come?

2007-01-23 23:56:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tell the most embarressing thing thats happened to you. Most embarressing one wins 10 poimts

2007-01-23 23:55:45 · 17 answers · asked by i know all 1

A man and his four-year-old son were talking about sxx.

The son asked his father, "Dad, what does a pxssy look like?"

The dad asked him, "Before or after sxx?"

"Ummm, before sxx," the kid replied.

The dad said, "Have you ever seen a beautiful red rose with soft red petals?"

"Yeah," said the son. "Well, what about after sxx?"

His dad replied, "Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?"

2007-01-23 23:48:10 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Don't you just hate it when the adults get more laugh out loud laughs than the kids. I really hate that they are not even funny.Anyone agree?

2007-01-23 23:47:42 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for
each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with
the guys, being met by your wife with a broom,
and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out
with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer,
lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt
and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome,
since both ultimately result in death.

2007-01-23 23:43:59 · 25 answers · asked by mandy 3

At the exact same time there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers.

The other is receiving orxl sxx from a 98 year old woman.

They are both thinking to themselves the exact same thing.

What are they both thinking?

Don’t look down!!

2007-01-23 23:32:10 · 32 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm often blue, but never sad,
Often red, but never mad.
I'm quoted though I've naught to say
Change my mind most every day.

2007-01-23 23:31:43 · 6 answers · asked by balderarrow 5

A man died and he went to heaven. In heaven there were very huge walls with millions of clocks attached on it. Sometimes a hand on a clock was moving a little bit.

The man called Saint Peter: "Mr. Peter, may I ask you a question... What are all these clocks doing here?"

Saint Peter: "Every time when a woman on earth wants to have sxx, the hand of her clock is moving a second."

Man: "So every woman has her own clock. But how are they organized?"

Saint Peter: "Over here we've got the Brunette-wall. Over there the black haired women-wall. And over there the blond-wall."

Man: "And what about a redhead-wall?"

Saint Peter: "Oh we use their clocks in the kitchen as a ventilator."

2007-01-23 23:28:25 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

the difference between ' theoretically ' & ' realistically '. Dad say's 'That's a hard one, but here we go, ask your mother if she'd sleep with the milkman for £1 million quid' He rushes back to Dad and say's ' She said yes she would ' Dad say's ' Right, now go and ask your sister if she would sleep with the coalman for £2 million quid' The son again, rushes back and say's ' She said she would! ' Dad say's ' Well, there you go son, theoretically we're sitting on £3 million quid, but realistically, we're living with a couple of slags '

2007-01-23 23:27:43 · 16 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

Camilla had come to see Dr. Hardy. When the shrink began using sxxual terms, she interrupted, "Wait, what is a phxllic symbol?"

"A phxllic symbol," explained Hardy, "represents the phxllus."

"What's a phxllus?" asked Camilla.

"Well," said the analyst, "the best way to explain it is to show you." He stood up, unzipped his fly and took out his pxcker.

"This is a phxllus."

"Oh," said the girl. "It's like a prxck, only smaller.!"

2007-01-23 23:22:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

in the men's restroom, this what happened to john, my enemy. this is what he said to me:-
I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other
stall who keeps answering all my questions...

2007-01-23 23:21:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

if ur answer man , why? if woman , why?

2007-01-23 23:04:51 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the pier crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer he slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy".

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain.

"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.

2007-01-23 22:55:34 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's the difference between a woman with PMS and a pitbull?
Lipstick.

What's a wife?
An attachment you scrxw on the bed to get the housework done.

Why do women have txts?
So men will talk to them.

Why do women close their eyes during sxx?
They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.

What's six inches long and two inches wide and drives women wild?
Money.

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
You can unscrew a light bulb.

Why do women have periods?
They deserve them.

Why did God make man first?
He didn't want a woman looking over his shoulder.

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag you, what have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.

Why was the woman crossing the road?
Who cares! What's she doing out of the kitchen?

How many women does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they just sit there in the dark and bxtch.

2007-01-23 22:48:38 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man enters the urologist's office. He approaches the receptionist, and says:
'Good morning. I have an appointment with the doctor.'
'And your name sir?', she askes while looking through the book.
'Brown.'
'Well, we have three Browns slated for today. First name please?'
'Richard. But my wife calls me D!ck for short.'
'But not for long, eh?', the receptionist quipped.

2007-01-23 22:43:51 · 9 answers · asked by Mary W 5