Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

One day a 6 year old girl was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: Tommy do you see the tree outside?
TOMMY: Yes.
TEACH: Tommy, do you see the grass outside?
TOM: Yes.
TEACH: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky.
TOM: Okay. (He returned a few minutes later). Yes, I saw the sky.
TEACH: Did you see God up there?
TOM: No.
TEACH: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. Possibly he just doesn't exist.
A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions.
The teacher agreed and the little girl as ked the boy:
L G: do you see the tree outside?
TOM: Yes.
L G: Tommy do you see the grass outside?
TOM: Yess!
L G: Did you see the sky?
TOM: Yess!
L G: Tommy, do you see the teacher?
TOM: Yes
L G: Do you see her brain?
TOM: No
LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she possibly may not even have one!

2007-01-23 07:45:06 · 24 answers · asked by Grandma of six 5

2007-01-23 07:42:28 · 25 answers · asked by olly 2

2007-01-23 07:39:28 · 3 answers · asked by Achtung Baby! 1

If you went to an aircraft washroom to wash your hands, or anything that didn't require flushing the toilet, and the stewardess, not hearing the WHOOSH, asks you to flush it when you came out. Would you be

pissed off
laugh and explain
?

2007-01-23 07:30:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

woman walks into mercedes dealership.she browses then spots the car of her dreams and walks over to inspect it. as she bends to feel the fine leather seats,a small fart escapes her.embarrassed,she looks around to see if anyone noticed. a sales rep turns to her and says " good day madam, how may i help you?" " what is the cost of this beautiful car"? she asks. the rep replies," i'm afraid to say if you farted just touching it, you'll sh*t yourself when you hear the price!"

2007-01-23 07:27:47 · 27 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1

but i don't use it as a rule.

2007-01-23 07:27:30 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

woman walks into mercedes dealership.she browses then spots the car of her dreams and walks over to inspect it. as she bends to feel the fine leather seats,a small fart escapes her.embarrassed,she looks around to see if anyone noticed. a sales rep turns to her and says " good day madam, how may i help you?" " what is the cost of this beautiful car"? she asks. the rep replies," i'm afraid to say if you farted just touching it, you'll **** yourself when you here the price!"

2007-01-23 07:25:35 · 6 answers · asked by mine of useless information 1

As I was going to St. Ives
I met a man with seven wives.
Each wife had seven sacks,
Each sack had seven cats,
Each cat had seven kits;
Kits, cats, sacks and wives,
How many were going to St. Ives?

2007-01-23 07:21:53 · 15 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

she duz not get mad if we pull pranks on her...

2007-01-23 07:17:19 · 10 answers · asked by BRANDON 1

2007-01-23 07:07:13 · 2 answers · asked by L 5

I have one- Yo momma is so stupid she makes George W. Bush Look Smart!!

Name all the ones you know!!

2007-01-23 07:03:20 · 12 answers · asked by xoxMeaghanoxo 4

theres a man in hospital and he can't have any solids through his mouth so everything has to go up his back passage.he asks for a cup of tea so the nurse start pouring it down the funnell. " arrrgh" says the man ."too Hot" says the nurse. "NO theres no sugar in it"

2007-01-23 07:02:04 · 10 answers · asked by superstar tradesman 5

I have 2 best friends clarissa and lynn (ugly lynn), The other day I had a dream we were driving and we got an a car accident, died and we went to heaven, Up there we saw an angel who told us, u can do anything u like as long as u dont step on the ducks or something bad will happen to u, so we're like "Okay". The next day clarissa and lynn came over to my place and I had a UGLY man "what happened they asked?" I said "Well I stepped on a duck and this is what I got." The next day me and lynn went over clarissa's place and she had A even UGLIER man than mine, "what happened we asked?" clarrissa answered "I stepped on 2 ducks." The day after that we went to lynn's place and she had a FINE man, clarissa and I were conused so we asked "what how did u get a good lookin man?" b4 she said anything, her man said "I stepped on three ducks!"

2007-01-23 06:59:46 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

you have 2 coins that equal up to 25 cents but one is not a nickle what are the two coins and yes there is a way to do this

2007-01-23 06:59:39 · 12 answers · asked by villevallo77 1

a little boy went up to his teacher and said how are babies made? the teacher insisted that she wouldn't tell the first time, but then told the little boy that they make it by making cake. ok thought the little boy. so he went home and told his parents. the parents said yep thats how u were made. so the night rolled around and the little boy went to bed. the parent had a romatic night(you know candles, roses on the bed) and they distrubed the little boy and he woke up. so he creep up to the bedroom door and heard them. he went back to bed. the next morning he told his parent that they were making cake. they parents ask how do u know that? they little boy rolled off his tongue and said cuz they is icing on the edge of the couch!!!

2007-01-23 06:46:52 · 17 answers · asked by st._pappys_ gurl 1

For fun if you were a stripper... male or female what would be your name be and why?

2007-01-23 06:44:59 · 16 answers · asked by Mia-Mia 2

These are signs/slogans written for various occupations...Enjoy!

Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed."

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak."

Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!"

On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts."

In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push."

At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."

2007-01-23 06:38:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Pam and you're losing your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Pam and you're losing your load." Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says ”Hi, my name is Pam and you're losing your load!" At the next red light, the trucker stops the truck, jumps out, and walks up to Pam's car stopped behind him. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says, "Hi, my name is Mike. It's winter here and I'm driving the salt truck."

2007-01-23 06:38:07 · 17 answers · asked by ☆skyblue 7

How would you rate yourself and why?

2007-01-23 06:37:56 · 9 answers · asked by Mia-Mia 2

man and wife in bed and the man fart@ and shouts''1-0'
wife squeezes one out and shouts back''1-1''
when it gets to 2-2 the man follows through and sh@ts the bed
wife says''what the fu@k was that''
man says''half time now swap sides''

2007-01-23 06:31:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-23 06:25:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Politics is a dirty business. And with Hillary Clinton announcing that she is running for president, Republicans are already digging up dirt on her. And they found out that she once slept with Bill Clinton.

2007-01-23 06:22:29 · 8 answers · asked by mai51156 2

Jenna Bush is trying to get a book deal about her time spent in the White House. President Bush is upset over it. Not because she is writing a book, but because he’ll have to read one.

2007-01-23 06:20:29 · 7 answers · asked by mai51156 2

2007-01-23 06:13:06 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

a polish man married an english woman.married for about 6 months the man who couldnt speak english very well went to a solicitor and asked for a divorce.the solicitor said to him it will depend on the reason he then asked him the following q's.
you must read this now as if you were polish ok.
sol''' have you any grounds''
pole''yes an acre and a half and a nice house''
sol''no i mean what is the foundation (for this case)'
pol'it made of concrete'
sol''i dont think you understand does either of you have a real grudge'
pol'no we have a carport'
sol'no i mean how are your relations'
pol''my relations are in poland''
sol''is there infidelity in your marriage''
pol''we have hi-fidelity stereo and good dvd player''
sol''does your wife beat you up''
pol''no i am always up before her''
sol'is your wife a nagger'
pol'no shes white'
sol'why do you want this divorce'
pol''she try to poison me she buy bottle from chemist and left on bath i read label and it said POLISH REMOVER'

2007-01-23 06:10:03 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

Top Ten Little-Known Facts About Barack Obama


10. As as child, was taunted with "Obama's so fat jokes"
9. After finishing Harvard law, served as Doug Llewelyn's understudy on "The People's Court"
8. Follows Bush's weekly radio address DJ-ing the "Barack and Roll Power Hour"
7. Real last name: Obamawitz
6. At Senate hearings, throws on his iPod whenever John Kerry has the floor
5. Played Kenickie in the Senate production of "Grease"
4. Makes immigration speeches as hilarious, uninformed foreigner "Borat Obama"
3. Even Donald Trump can't think of anything nasty to say about him
2. Presides over Congressional Committee to lower Al Gore's body fat
1. Only running for president to piss off Hillary

2007-01-23 06:03:13 · 9 answers · asked by mai51156 2

2007-01-23 06:02:56 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-23 06:01:48 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde woman was speeding down the street and was pulled over by a blonde officer. "License and registration,Miss" said the officer. After rummaging around in her purse a minute the speeder finally says"I don't even know what a license looks like" " It's small, square and looks like you" says the officer. She looks some more and pulls out a small mirror " Then this must be it" and hands it to the officer. She takes it and looks at it then says " OK, you can go on, I did'nt realize you were a cop".

2007-01-23 06:01:09 · 17 answers · asked by popeyethesadist 5

If you liked that one, go to the Education & Reference, for another funny one.

2007-01-23 05:59:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous