Paddy hires a call girl for the night, but when she arrives they discover that neither of them has any condoms. The girl doesn't want to lose a sale, and Paddy doesn't object, so they have sex without protection. Afterwards Paddy turns to the girl and says "Oh goodness, I just thought, You don't have Aids do you?"
"No," says the girl.
"Thank God for that," says Paddy, "I'd hate to catch it twice."
.................
Come on tell me a Paddy joke and the one I love will get 10 points :)
2007-01-23 11:30:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
ha ha ha heres one might keep ya smilin for a while
paddy irish paddy english and paddy scotish man were after comin out from a farmers house after visitin his 3 daughters he ran after them with a gun and fired at them but they hid in his shed they seen 3 sacks hangin up so they jumped in them, farmer came in and seen the sacks and poked the first one and paddy scotish man shouted ou woof woof farmer taught just dogs, he poked the next one paddy english man shouted moew meow, just cats he taught. paddy irish man heard them and taught ahead when he got poked and shouted spuds
2007-01-23 22:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by shane o d 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two Irishmen in London looking for work are strolling down Oxford Street.
Suddenly, Paddy turns to his pal and says: "Michael, will you look at that shop over there, I thought London was supposed to be expensive, but that shop is as cheap as chips!"
You're right, Paddy, so you are. I can't believe it. Suits £10, Shirts £4, Trousers £5, I think that we should buy the lot and take them back to Ireland. We would make a tidy profit selling them in Dublin so we would."
"Michael that is as good an idea as you'll ever have, but I'm pretty sure you'd have to pay taxes and duty on things like that. The shopkeeper will never let us have them if he thinks we're gonna export them and make our fortune, so he won't."
"Paddy, I've got an idea! You can do the best English accent out of the pair of us. You go in there and do the talking and I'll just stand behind you and say nothing. He'll never guess we're Irish. No he won't."
"OK Michael", agrees Paddy, "I'll do the talking, you just stand there and look English."
So the two visitors go into the shop, where Paddy is greeted politely by the owner. Paddy then proceeds to do his best Warren Mitchell impression; "Awwwight Guvnor, I'll 'ave 10 of yer 'Whistle 'un Flutes', 10 'Dickie Dirts' and 10 pairs of strides. And if yer don't mind I'll be paying with the 190 'Pictures of the Queen' in me 'Sky Rocket'."
The owner smiles, takes a look at Michael as well, then says to Paddy "You're Irish aren't you?"
Quite bemused, Paddy replies, "Oh bejabbers, if that ain't me best English accent ? How in God's name did you know we were Irish?"
The shopkeeper replies, "This is a Dry Cleaners".
2007-01-23 11:40:01 · answer #2 · answered by Polo 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Irishman and Paddy Chinese man were racing their dogs at the greyhound track. They were training them for the big race.
They met up and saw each others dog race and saw that they were racing with similar times.
They made a bet with each other to see how long their dogs could race without stopping for a pee.
Paddy English man's dog ran and with in 2 laps stopped to pee.
Proud he was.
Paddy Irish man's dog ran. 6 laps and then stopped.
Very proud he was.
Paddy Chinese man's dog ran and ran and ran many laps, then stopped for a rest.
Paddy English man and Paddy Irishman questioned Paddy Chinese man, how did he do this.
Paddy Chinese man just turned around and said:
Me Chinese,
Me not silly,
Me put knot in dogs willy.
haha
2007-01-23 20:22:39 · answer #3 · answered by Bastet 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Paddy and Murphy are arranging to meet.
Paddy asks Murphy what to do if one of them should arrive early.
Murphy thinks for a moment, then replies "I know, Paddy. If I get there first I'll use a piece of chalk to mark a cross on the wall".
"Good idea, Murphy", says Paddy. "And if I get there first I'll rub it off".
2007-01-23 11:56:00 · answer #4 · answered by Gerbil 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
An Irishman was having s*x with a Jewish girl.He said "your not very tight for a Jewish girl" she replied "Your not very thick for an Irishman best i can do fingers 10/10 for yours
2007-01-23 23:00:29 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Paddy applies for a job with a blacksmith. Blacksmith asks him "Have you any experience at shoeing horses"?
Paddy says "I once told a pony to **** off"
2007-01-23 11:34:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Paddy goes to see Mick and when he gets to Mick's house, he sees Mick walking down the path with his front door under his arm ....
"Why do you have your front door under your arm?" asks Paddy ...
"Well Paddy ... Oi've been burgled three times this week and each time, they jemmy open the front door .... but this time, I have foiled the buggers ... I am taking the door with me .,..... "
"Well I see dat" ,.... says Paddy ... "but what if you lose the door Mick ... you won't be able to get back in?"
"Oi've thought of dat" ... says Mick ... "Oi've left a window open .......!"
2007-01-23 11:39:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
PADDY WALKED INTO A CROWDED PUB 4 A BEER, ALL OF A SUDDEN A VOICE SAID "DONKEY,GET ME A BEER" THEN THIS 6FT MONSTER OF A GUY GETS UP & GETS THIS 4FT SKINNY LITTLE MAN A BEER,IT HAPPEN ABOUT TEN TIME OVER THE NIGHT & GOT THE BEST OF PADDY, THE NEXT TIME IT HAPPENED HE STOPPED THE 6FT GUY & ASKED HIM WHY HE LET THE LITTLE MAN CALLED HIM DONKEY ,TO WHICH THE 6FT MAN REPLIED " HE AWE , HE AWE WAYS CALLS ME DAT"!!
2007-01-23 11:58:56 · answer #8 · answered by Spanky the monkey !!! 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why did Paddy cross the road??
To get to the pub of course!!
I tried!!
2007-01-23 11:34:09 · answer #9 · answered by Spence 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
ha ha good ones i have been given one for u.... a lad runs right into a bar an shouts on the bar delicate quick supply me 20 images of whiskey quickly ive to bypass in a minute.. bartender lines up 20 shot glasses and quickly fills em and watchs in amaisment because the guy beverages down each body of them bar delicate become very much surprised he reported ive under no circumstances seen all of us drink such rather some images so quickly, hi? the guy reported wel doesn't you be in a hurry in case you purely had 20 cent to pay for em,.............. ha ha wat u imagine? any good
2016-10-16 00:24:48 · answer #10 · answered by ruddie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋