Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

I want to know because my uncle came to visit last week and we want to do a prank on my brother before my uncle leaves back home we want something real funny does anyone have any ideas?

2007-01-05 10:27:06 · 13 answers · asked by zidane999 1

hhhmmm..... my freind told me to do this..... i dont know why...... sooo.... yeahh...... oh yeah!!! and it cant have the letters b,o,d,e,h. please and thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♦♣♦♠

2007-01-05 10:25:55 · 12 answers · asked by kate 1

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a
pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom
together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to the lover,"into the closet!" and she pushed him
in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom
discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?" the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths," the man
replied.

"And where are your clothes?" aske d the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!!"

2007-01-05 10:24:53 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why Doesn't Santa have any children? Well he only comes once a year and that is down a CHIMNEY!

2007-01-05 10:22:21 · 7 answers · asked by d1ckdeckard 3

baby go to school........because he wanted to be a Smartie !!!!

2007-01-05 10:20:58 · 14 answers · asked by Shredder 6

You have 8 identical straws, that all weigh the same except for one straw that weighs a gram less than the others. It is not possible to know which one weighs less just by holding on to them. By using a balance scale only twice, how do you figure out which straw is the one that weighs less than the others?

2007-01-05 10:19:29 · 12 answers · asked by nyicecreamking 2

and decide to eat the next thing that popped out of it's azz?

2007-01-05 10:05:36 · 4 answers · asked by Justa_Honay_Guy 3

What is the funniest joke you've ever heard?

2007-01-05 10:02:22 · 7 answers · asked by IamBatman 4

You're driving and you hit a fork in the road. In the middle of the fork there is a house. In the house lives a set of identical twins. One is a liar and one always tells the truth. You are only allowed to ask one of them one question. How do you get them to tell you the right way home?

2007-01-05 09:58:54 · 7 answers · asked by IamBatman 4

a truck driver was traveling down the road and runs over a rabbit. he realizes what he has done and stoppes the truck.not knowing what to do he runs over to the rabbit and sees it still breating.. he runs back to his truck and looks for some water to give the rabbit thinking this will help . all he finds is a bottle of shampoo and says this will have to do.he runs back to the rabbit and puts some in his mouth.. immadiatly the rabbit jumps up and runs a little way and turns and waves at the trucker. the trucker looks puzzled and cant believe what just happened. he looks at the bottle of shampoo that reads restores hare with permanant wave...............

2007-01-05 09:58:53 · 9 answers · asked by laci 2

farmer happened by with his big old horse named Benny.

The man asked for help. The farmer said Benny could pull his car out. So he backed Benny up and hitched Benny to the man's car bumper.

Then he yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull."
Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled, "Come on, pull Ranger."
Still, Benny didn't move.

Then he yelled really loud, "Now pull, Fred, pull hard."
Benny just stood.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said,
"Okay, Benny, pull."

Benny pulled the car out of the ditch.
The man was very appreciative but curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Benny is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling he wouldn't even try."

2007-01-05 09:52:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"

"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

2007-01-05 09:48:59 · 40 answers · asked by Anonymous

A teacher ask"wot part of the body goes 2 heaven first?"A child replies" feet-coz every nite i c my mum with her feet in the air screamin ? GOD I'M COMIN

2007-01-05 09:48:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jellybaby: Doctor, doctor.. I think I may have an STD..

Doctor: What makes you say that..?

Jellybaby: Well, I've been sleeping with allsorts..

lol, I know it's old.. I'm bored..

2007-01-05 09:47:11 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://funnyjunk.com/funny_pictures/742/American+Preverts/

heheheheheheheh. I bet u did it...... heheheheheheheh

2007-01-05 09:46:25 · 7 answers · asked by Crazze Chik 2

After spending time with Eve, Adam was walking in the Garden with God. Adam told God how much the woman means to him and how blessed he feels to have her. Adam began to ask questions about her.

Adam: Lord, Eve is beautiful. Why did you make her so beautiful?

God: So you will always want to look at her.

Adam: Lord, her skin is so soft. Why did you make her skin so soft?

God: So you will always want to touch her.

Adam: She always smells so good. Lord, why did you make her smell so good?

God: So you will always want to be near her.

Adam: That's wonderful Lord, and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but why did you make her so stupid?

God: So she would love you.

2007-01-05 09:44:53 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

the more the bettter. i no i have posed this b4 but i really need it now


thank u and God bless

2007-01-05 09:36:46 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

i heard some good ones but i want to kno the best of the best....

2007-01-05 09:34:20 · 5 answers · asked by bridget 1

2007-01-05 09:28:35 · 15 answers · asked by Kidd 2

2007-01-05 09:23:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

a squirl with a wooden leg to kick seeds out of a dill pickle in a submarine with a screen door?

2007-01-05 09:22:16 · 14 answers · asked by jwilson504 2

Some time ago a man punished his 5-year old daughter for wasting a
> roll of expensive gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he
became
> even more upset when the child pasted the gold paper so as to
decorate
> a box to put under the Christmas tree. Nevertheless, the little
girl
> brought the gift box to her father the next morning and said, "This
is
> for you, Daddy." The father was embarrassed by his earlier
> overreaction, but his anger flared again when he found the box was
> empty. He spoke to her in a harsh manner, "Don't you know, young
lady,
> when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something
> inside the package?" The little girl looked up at him with tears in
> her eyes and said, "Oh, Daddy, it's not empty. I blew kisses into
it
> until it was full." The father was crushed. He fell on his knees
and
> put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her to forgive
him
> for his unnecessary anger. An accident took the life of the child
only
> a short time later and it is told that the father kept that gold
box
> by his bed for all the years of his life. And whenever he was
> discouraged or faced difficult problems he would open the box and
take
> out an imaginary kiss and remember the love of the child who had
put
> it there.
>
> In a very real sense, each of us as human beings have been given a
> golden box filled with unconditional love and kisses from our
> children, family, friends and God. There is no more precious
> possession anyone could hold.
>
> You now have two choices. You can: * Pass this on to your friends,
or
> * Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can
see,
> I took choice No. 1.

2007-01-05 09:21:19 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

My friends husband is very into her. He goes as far as to bathe in her bathwater AFTER she is out. He also likes to watch her use the bathroom (Number 1 & 2.) Is it this strange or is it just me??
He also calls her NONSTOP. (I know, I work with her)

2007-01-05 09:20:38 · 16 answers · asked by Kamryn's Mommie 2

pondlife
its just me
babyblue
hotbluesnow
freelander (land rover all round tough guy)
faders girl
Cublishus

all of you like to receive a bit of ginger or pepper up your anus b4 u receive a glockenspiele.

hahaha sads barstewards, get a life

2007-01-05 09:12:26 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm trying to solve this riddle. ive been thinking about for the last couple of hours. Please help!
A beggar had a brother
The brother died
But when the brother was alive the brother had no brother.
How can this be?

2007-01-05 09:03:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-05 09:01:40 · 17 answers · asked by Kandi 1

hmm.

2007-01-05 08:58:22 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why do ships carry CARgo, but cars/vehicles carry SHIPments

2007-01-05 08:58:00 · 21 answers · asked by weirddude28@sbcglobal.net 1

http://www.lautman.net/riddlesofriddlesjr/youth/truck.htm

it's not as easy

2007-01-05 08:52:58 · 13 answers · asked by mrsdycus 2

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don't we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It's more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there's a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4" bigger.
13. It's ok, we'll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there's an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20.

My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn't know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won't take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. Damn, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn't know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it's hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I'll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where's the rest of it?

2007-01-05 08:44:03 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous