what r the funniest jokes u have??? my dog died and need sum cheering up now....?

Question

the more the bettter. i no i have posed this b4 but i really need it now


thank u and God bless

Answer 1

a man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant's ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons.
There next to the paper roll were four buttons marked WW, WA, PP and ATR.

Making the mistake so many men make of not listening to a woman, he disregarded what she said when his curiosity got the best of him.

He carefully pressed the WW button and immediately a gentle flush of Warm Water sprayed on his bare bottom. He thought "Wow" these gals really have it nice!!

So a little more boldly he pressed the WA button and body temperature Warm Air blew across his wet bottom and dried it comfortably.

"Aha" he thought, "no wonder these women take so long in the bathroom with these kinds of services!"

So he pushed the next button PP with anticipation. A soft disposable Powder Puff swung below him and dusted his bottom lightly with talc.

"Man, this is great," he thought as he reached out for the ATR button.

When he awoke in the hospital, the morphine was just wearing off...confused he buzzed the nurse to find out what happened.

He explained the last thing he remembered was intense pain in the ladies room on the plane.

The nurse explained, "Yes, you must have been having a great time until you pushed the Automatic Tampon Removal button."






A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

Answer 2

A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 shots of Jack Daniels and slams them all down in a flash. He looks at the bartender and orders 3 more and does the same thing. By now the bartender is wondering what is wrong with this guy so he asks him what his problem is. The guy looks up and says " I don't have a problem, I'm celebrating my first bl*w job!"

The bartender looks with a smile and says," well that's just dandy, let me get the next one!"

"No thanks", says the guy, "if 6 shots won't wash the taste out, the 7th won't help either!!!"

Answer 3

There was a flight attendant checking the tickets of the passengers about to board the plane. One man came up in a long trench coat and smiles widely then opened the coat and flashed her. Thinking quickly, she told the man...
" sir I asked for your ticket,not your stub"

Answer 4

Ok - kind of gross but here we go.

Q: What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?


A: A Quarter-pounder with cheese... : )

Told you it was bad.. cheers

Answer 5

Well this is nasty, but funny. Please take no offense from this, I simply got it from the public and probably some of you have heard it before.

Why won't Osama Bin Laden have sex with his wife?

+ Because every time she opens her legs he see's Bush.

+Joker+

Answer 6

its more prank call kinda!
Caller: my dog was run over by a call, i know no one in this country I just come here[bad english though, to sound funny ;) ] I just dialed any number please help......The guy who answered agrees to help and ask to call back in few minutes. The caller calls back and says my dog just died and you are responsible for it! You bastard! I will sue you now!
lol ;)

Answer 7

whos there?

Answer 8

Mine is a knock-knock joke. You start it.

Who's there?

Answer 9

sorry about your doggie.