Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

if i have a chess board and i put 2 grains of rice on the first square ,then squared this number for the total of the next square and repeat this for the entire chess board, will i have enough grains of rice to cover the world?

2007-01-05 13:34:34 · 18 answers · asked by Statto 3

Kick him in the {00}

2007-01-05 13:32:26 · 4 answers · asked by JACK 2

2007-01-05 13:31:54 · 20 answers · asked by XFNET 2

Stick him in the trunk

2007-01-05 13:28:14 · 5 answers · asked by JACK 2

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan Officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for three weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Three weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $18.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very well, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why you would bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for three weeks for only $18.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

2007-01-05 13:05:43 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is found dead. How did he die?
Clue:
He is wearing a suit with a hole in it

Hint:
Think out side the box

2007-01-05 13:05:43 · 18 answers · asked by Big Fat Wrinkley Elbow 3

A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. "I'll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want," he insisted." And, I don't expect any hassle from you.
Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want.

Those are my rules," he said. "Any comments?"

His new bride replied, "No, that's fine with me. But, just understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

2007-01-05 13:02:00 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

This has got to be one of the cleverest
E-mails I've received in a while.
Someone out there either has too much
spare time or is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!




DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:!
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE


AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay
too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)

Bet your friends haven't seen this one!!!

2007-01-05 12:55:09 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

i love jokes and love to laugh give me some goood jokes

2007-01-05 12:49:44 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

((someone you stares at you))

You:BOO!

other person:Boo??This isn't Halloween.

You:Then take off that mask!

other person:Take off your first!

you:...........((what can go right here to finish a fight and have you win??))

2007-01-05 12:36:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

It goes something like "please call me when you're about to slow down" I'm not real sure

2007-01-05 12:35:38 · 5 answers · asked by maverick 3

A woman goes to a psychic and contacts her recently dead husband.
"Are you happy?" asks the woman.
"Yes," says the husband. "I'm in a field surrounded by beautiful cows."
"Can you see any angels?" asks the woman.
"No, but there's a smashing cow standing in front of me. A real stunner."
"Have you seen God?" asks the woman.
"No," replies the husband. "But the cows are really, really fantastic."
"Why to you keep going on about cows?" shouts the woman.
"Sorry," says the husband, "I forgot to mention - I'm in Yorkshire...I've come back as a bull".

2007-01-05 12:32:42 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

cuz he's always playin w/pooh

dun dun ccchh

2007-01-05 12:32:26 · 8 answers · asked by windy 2

2007-01-05 12:31:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to his dismay, the colorful Bunnywas dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"

2007-01-05 12:29:35 · 9 answers · asked by jamie 3

Sorry, if i did a mistakes... i'am french.

2007-01-05 12:27:13 · 11 answers · asked by Dr Ross 6

no offence to the blond people just funny joke :)

2007-01-05 12:22:04 · 7 answers · asked by Matthew A 2

Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and nothing was going right. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and the sleigh was broken. Santa was f u r i o u s. "I can't believe it!" he yells. "I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours - all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!!! I sent that stupid little angel to find one hours ago! what am I going to do?"
Just then, the little angel opens the front door and steps in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree..."Oi fatty!" "Where d'you want me to stick this?" ..... And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass. :)

2007-01-05 12:16:38 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Everyday thousands of people are struck down by this terrible, debilitating disease. But there is hope! Just £2 a month can make all the difference to a poor misguided staright man. Your money can help us to buy gay porn, give him lessons on the art of homosexuality and help to rid the world of this terrible disease. Don't delay send £2 today and make a difference.

Set him straight, help to make him gay

2007-01-05 12:13:32 · 20 answers · asked by Stephen M 6

That his name is victor!

2007-01-05 12:09:53 · 9 answers · asked by limallama 4

A woman dents her new sports car and goes to a garage to get some help. The mechanic decides to have some fun with her and tells her to take the car home and blow up the exhaust - the air pressure will make the dent spring out. she takes the car home and spends a good hour blowing up the exhaust without any success.
Eventually her husband arrives home and asks what she's doing. She tells him and he says, "You idiot. That's never going to work. You've left the windows open."

2007-01-05 12:05:24 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A pilot, a boy, the president, and the pope are in a small plane with three parachutes for saftey. The plane begins to make strange nosies and begins to go down. The pope grabs a parachute and says, "Well i'm the pope, the Catholic community will need me". He jumps from the plane. The president grabs a parachute, he says, "I am the president of the United States, an ENTIRE country needs me". He jumps from the plane. The pilot looks from the last parachute to the boy and says, "You take it boy, you've got your whole life ahead of you, go on," But the boy says, "Thats ok, the president took my backpack".

2007-01-05 12:04:08 · 10 answers · asked by limallama 4

one day a teacher told one of her students to study the letters A B C D he went home and told his mom what is the first letter she was busy and said SHUTP he went to his dad and said what is the second letter hi dad was waching baseball and said Yes he went to his big bro and said what is the third and hi brother was playing with batman and said DANANA DANANA BATMAN went to his sis she was playing with her toy and he said what is the fourth letter she said ON MY LITTLE CHOO CHOO TRAIN he went to school and the theacher said what is the first letter he said SHUTUP and then she said you want me to call the princapal he said YES he came and said who do you think you are DANANA DANANA BATMAN then he said how do you think you are going to get away with this ON MY LITTLE CHOO CHOO TRAIN.

2007-01-05 12:03:22 · 9 answers · asked by ~OvErThErAiNbOw~ 2

A pilot, a boy, the president, and the pope are in a small plane with three parachutes for saftey. The plane begins to make strange nosies and begins to go down. The pope grabs a parachute and says, "Well i'm the pope, the Catholic community will need me". He jumps from the plane. The president grabs a parachute, he says, "I am the president of the United States, an ENTIRE country needs me". He jumps from the plane. The pilot looks from the last parachute to the boy and says, "You take it boy, you've got your whole life ahead of you, go on," But the boy says, "Thats ok, the president took my backpack".

2007-01-05 12:02:33 · 5 answers · asked by limallama 4

2007-01-05 12:02:15 · 6 answers · asked by spackler 6

Everyday thousands of people are struck down by this terrible, debilitating disease. But there is hope! Just £2 a month can make all the difference to a poor gay man. Your money can help us to buy porn, give him lessons on being straight and help to rid the world of this terrible disease. Don't delay send £2 today and make a difference.

Don't delay Save the Gay

2007-01-05 11:57:06 · 30 answers · asked by Stephen M 6

A man is enjoying a drink outside a bar when a nun comes along and starts lecturing him on the evils of booze. The man argues back and it turns out that the nun has never had a drink in her life. "Tell you what", says the man. "I'll buy you some alcohol, you drink it, and tell me what you think."
"Out of the question," replies the nun. "I could never be seen to be drinking in public. But I suppose if you put the liquid in a coffee cup I might have a sip."
The man agrees, goes inside and orders a double brandy in a coffee cup.
"Oh no," replies the barman. "It's not that bloody nun again is it?"

2007-01-05 11:56:34 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

God is preparing a holiday but can't decide where to go. "What about visiting Mercury?" suggests an angel...
"No, too hot," says God.
"Then how about Mars?" says the angel.
"Nah," says God.
"Too dry and dusty."
"What about Earth?" says the angel.
"You've got to be kiddin," says God. "I went there 2000 years ago, knocked up some bird, and they're still goin on about it." :)

2007-01-05 11:49:41 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-05 11:49:30 · 10 answers · asked by spackler 6

2007-01-05 11:49:24 · 8 answers · asked by Fo-Shizzle 1