Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

This guy goes to a bar and see's a jar full of money he asked the bartender "whats the money for?" the bar tender says "theres a donkey in the back if you can make it laugh u get the money." the guy goes out back. About 1 min later the bartender hears the donkey crackin up. the guy comes back in and grabs the jar of money. the bartendet asked how did u make it laugh? the guy said "I told him i had a bigger d*ck than him." About 2 weeks later that same guy comes back in and sees another jar of money and asked whats the money for this time. the bartender said "that donkey u made laugh wont stop laughing if u can make it cry u get the money." the guy went out back . About a minute later the donkey is crying his eyes out. the guy comes back and grabs the jar. the bartender asked "How'd ya make it cry?" the guy said "I showed it him.?

2007-01-05 08:41:58 · 55 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's a guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink.
He stays like that for half an hour.
Soon, a big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down.
The poor man starts crying.
The truck driver says,
"Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand seeing a man crying."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, in an outrage, fires me. When I leave the building to my car, I found out it was stolen.
"The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar.
"And when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

2007-01-05 08:35:04 · 17 answers · asked by Tony J 1

A newly married man was discussing his honeymoon.He says to his buddy at lunch, "Last night, I rolled over, tapped my beautiful young wife on the shoulder, gave her a wink, and we had ourselves a performance!Later that night, about 2 o'clock, I rolled over, gave my sweetie a nudge, and we had ourselves another performance.Well, being so newly married and not yet tired of the task, I waited quietly in bed while my beauty slept until I couldn't wait any longer.It was 4 o'clock when I gave her a little nudge.She opened her blue eyes and smiled sweetly.We immediately had ourselves a rehearsal."

"A rehearsal?" his buddy asks, "Don't you mean a performance?"

"No, because a rehearsal is when nobody comes.

2007-01-05 08:22:35 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-05 08:22:21 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q. what did spock find in captain kirks bathroom?














A. the captains log!

2007-01-05 08:22:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-05 08:21:11 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It's a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.

3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He's got great hands.

2007-01-05 08:16:12 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Teacher asked Tim why is your cat at school today? Tim says (crying) I heard my daddy tell mommy I'm gonna eat that p**sy when the kids go to school.

What you think of that?

2007-01-05 08:15:43 · 6 answers · asked by KiKi 3

2007-01-05 08:12:16 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-05 08:06:16 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

An elderly lady goes to the doctor. She says, "Doc, it's terrible, I pass gas all the time. Fortunately, it's odorless and silent, otherwise I'd be mortified. For example, I've passed gas ten times just since we've been talking, but it's odorless and silent so you can't tell." The doctor gives her some green pills and tells her to take one a day and come back in a week.
The woman comes back after taking the pills for a week. She says, "Doctor, there's been a change, but not for the better. I still pass gas all the time, but while it's still silent, now it smells terrible!" The doctor says, "Well, I'm glad we cleared up your sinus blockage,now we'll have to work on your hearing."

2007-01-05 08:01:19 · 20 answers · asked by OO7 3

Due to a mixup on Grammy night, Madonna, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera are forced to share a private jet in order to arrive in time for the ceremony.

Once up in the air, Madonna pulls out a $1000 bill and says "I'm going to throw this $1000 bill out the window and make someone down below very happy."

Not to be outdone, Britney ripped $1000 bill in half and threw it out the window, saying, "Look, I just made two people really happy."

Not even noticing Britney's stupid move, Christina bragged, "Look, I'm going to throw 1000 $1 bills and make a lot more people a little happier."

At this point the pilot, who has overheard all this bragging and can't stand it anymore, comesout and says, "I think I'll throw all three of you out of this plane and make 250 million people happy.

2007-01-05 07:58:50 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

all the reasons having a son can be challenging!!!!!!!!!!!
1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft.
house 4 inches deep.
2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with
roller blades, they can ignite.
3.) A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.
4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 lb. boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint
on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.
5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball
hit by a ceiling fan.
7)When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's
already too late.

2007-01-05 07:55:41 · 10 answers · asked by thatgirl127 3

2007-01-05 07:54:21 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

In your travels, you once came across two Kikos playing dominoes. Although as you looked more closely, they weren't actually playing; they had devised a secret code with the dominoes.
The dominos sum follows: 5,2,1,8,3,3,6,3,3,6,3,7,8,2,5,5,3,5,3,6,1,5,5,8,6,5,1,8,7,7,2,3,4,5,5,5,4,5,6.

What is the question+answer?

2007-01-05 07:51:21 · 2 answers · asked by ? 2

One would dig a hole—he would dig, dig, dig. The other would come behind him and fill the hole—fill, fill, fill. These two men worked furiously, one digging a hole, the other filling it up again.

A man watching from the sidewalk couldn't understand what they were doing.

He says to the hole digger, "I appreciate how hard you work, but what are you doing? You dig a hole and your partner comes behind you and fills it up again!"

The hole digger replies, "Oh yeah, must look funny, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

2007-01-05 07:48:44 · 5 answers · asked by M 3

a man is walking on a beach when he comes across a woman crying. he stops and asks her why she is crying? through her tears she explains that because she has no arms or legs she has never been hugged. feeling sorry for her the man bends down and gives her a hug, she thanks him but then starts crying worse. the man asks her why the tears again? well because i have no arms or legs iv never been kissed. the man feeling sorry for nher bends down and gives her a long sweet kiss. the woman then starts to howl, the tears coming harder, he again asks why? she explains because she has no arms or legs she's never been fucked. so the man picks her up and throws her in the sea!

2007-01-05 07:45:15 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

why did the chicken crss the roud??????

2007-01-05 07:41:46 · 17 answers · asked by allison v 1

A husband and wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas, Novocain, or anything else because I'm in a big hurry. I want you to just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."
"Wow, you are a brave woman," said the dentist. "Now, show me which tooth it is."
The wife turned to her husband and said, "Open your mouth, dear, and show the dentist which tooth it is."

2007-01-05 07:40:00 · 10 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

2007-01-05 07:30:33 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

I DONT KNOW

2007-01-05 07:24:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Jim, I want you to promise me that when I die, you will have me cremated."

"And what do you want me to do with your ashes? asked the friend."

The businessman replied, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service. Write on the envelope, 'Now, you have everything.'"

2007-01-05 07:19:15 · 17 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

2007-01-05 07:17:27 · 19 answers · asked by lola7737 5

a boy walks in late to school the teacher asks "where have you been?" the boy says on top of blueberry hill. the next day a different kid walks in late, the teacher asks" where have you been?" the boy says on top of blueberry hill. the next day another kid walks in late the teacher asks "where have you been?" the boy says on top of blueberry hill. the next day a new student walks in, the teacher asks her what her name is and the girl says " my name is blueberry hill. its an old joke but its funny.

2007-01-05 07:14:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Caller: Is your refrigerator running?
Response: Why, yes, it is...
Caller: Then you better go catch it!


hahahahahah! what an awesome new joke!

2007-01-05 06:56:13 · 22 answers · asked by Bistro 7

Q: WHAT DO YOU DO WITH 365 USED CONDOMS?
A: Melt them down, make a tyre, and call it a Goodyear.

2007-01-05 06:53:43 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Of course not, you are an idiot.

2007-01-05 06:40:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

After a young couple returned from their honeymoon, the bride immediately called her mother, who lived nearby.

"Well, honey," said her mom, "how was the honeymoon?"

"Oh, mother," she replied, "it was wonderful! But as soon as we returned, Frank began using really horrible language... Stuff I'd never heard before. Really terrible four-letter words. You've got to come get me and take me home!" And the new bride began to cry over the phone.

"But honey, what four-letter words?" the mother asked.

"I can't tell you, mother, they're too awful! Please come and get me!"

"Honey, you must tell me what has you so upset. Tell me the four-letter words!"

Still sobbing, the bride said, "Mother...they're horrible! Words like WASH...IRON...COOK...DUST."

2007-01-05 06:36:32 · 22 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

there was a boy that had a chicken, a bag of corn, and a fox. There is a boat that can hold only 2 things at a time at the river he has to cross. the fox wants to eat the chicken that wants to eat the corn so what should he do.

2007-01-05 06:31:47 · 31 answers · asked by yankee_lost_in_ga 2

2007-01-05 06:30:07 · 2 answers · asked by Jason K 1