The funniest thing?!?

Question

What is the funniest joke you've ever heard?

Answer 1

why did the racoon cross the road??




Because it was stapled to the chicken

Answer 2

HERS A COUPLE OF FRIENDSHIP JOKE0S

friend ship is like pissing your pants everyone can see it
but only you can feel its true warmth

friends dont let friends drink-and take home ugly people


fairy of joy -- every year the fairy of joy visits the earth and whoever she touches with hernd recives happyness
... may she beat the **** out of you

friend ship prayer

may the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of whoever skrewed up your day
AMEN

(supplied by mother)
a friend is like a good bra...
hartd to find
supportive
confertable
always lifts you up
makes you look better
and is always close to your heart

Answer 3

the funniest one is that 2 blondes were walking down the street and one said to look at that dog with one eye, so the other blonde covered her eye and said where?

Answer 4

Maybe not the funniest, but one of the most um creative jokes:

person 1: did you get tickets?
person 2: tickets for what?
person 1 (flexing muscles): to the gun show!
get it?

Answer 5

Condom Factory
"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the President.

"I do need your help" said Putin. "Could you send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?"

"Why certainly! I'll get right on it," said Bush.

"Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Putin.

"Yes?"

"Could the condoms be red in color and at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Putin.

"No problem," replied the President.

Mr. Putin hung up and started laughing with his aides about how those stupid Americans will fall for anything. George Bush hung up and called the CEO of a condom company. "I need a favor. Can you send 1,000,000 condoms right away over to Russia."

"Consider it done," replied the CEO of the condom company.

"Good! Now listen, they have to be red in color, 10" long and 4" wide."

"Easily done. Anything else?"

"Yeah," said the President, "print 'MADE IN AMERICA, SIZE SMALL' on each one."

Answer 6

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN:

Compliment her,
cuddle her,
kiss her,
caress her,
love her,
stroke her,
tease her,
comfort her,
protect her,
hug her,
hold her,
spend money on her,
wine & dine her,
buy things for her,
listen to her,
care for her,
stand by her,
support her,
go to the ends of the earth for her....


HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN:

Show up naked,

Bring beer....

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A man came home from work one day and his wife asked
him to fix the toilet. The man says "who do i look like the plumber?" and never fixed it....

The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the garbage disposal. The man says "who do i look like a blad specialist?" and never fixed it....

The man comes home the next day and his wife asks him to fix the refrigerator. The man says "who do i look like the maytag repair man?" and never fixed it....

man comes home the next day and his wife told him she hired someone to fix the fridge, someone to fix the garbage disposal, and someone to fix the toilet. The man asks his wife "how much did it cost?" His wife says "i had to either bake them a cake or have sex with them." The man asks his wife "what kinda cake did you bake them?" the wife says "who do i look like Betty Crocker?"

Answer 7

idk, but i know a recent one that is really corny, ok, here it goes,

What Nationality is Santa Clause?




































































Ready for the answer?




































































































He's North Poll-ish!!! (Polish)