Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-09 10:29:10 · 6 answers · asked by Jekyl and Hyde 2

*I kno iz a long list
*(timo) no iz not a question
*i didn't come up with this
- i dnt sit infront the cpu or in my room coming up wit this like some jack@$$ did
-those aren't my friends with wierd parents (they rn't real ppl)
*(laura) i kno wat u mean lol :D
*i found this on this website and thot that (some were) funny

2007-01-09 10:26:57 · 5 answers · asked by adg_libra 2

2007-01-09 10:25:26 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 10:24:40 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks into a plumbers merchant . Have you got a central heating pump please? Yes says the assistant , its £66. £66 exclaims the customer, i've just been to B & Q and there only £46.there Why didn't you get one then ,says the assistant. Because they are out of stock at the moment the guy answers. Oh well I tell you what, when we are out of stock ,ours are only £46 too.

2007-01-09 10:24:24 · 7 answers · asked by peter d 2

2007-01-09 10:24:18 · 13 answers · asked by lilly s 2

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
How young can you be, but still die of old age?
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
Have you ever wondered why Trix are only for kids?
Why are things typed up but written down?
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

2007-01-09 10:22:33 · 17 answers · asked by lilly s 2

there was 2 strings that tryed to get in to a club. the first string walks up the guard. the guard says "Hey. NO STRINGS ALOWED"
The first string walks away the second string ties him self up and fluffed his ends then he walks up to the guard the guard says,
"Hey. Are You A String?" the second string says "Nope. I'm A Fayed Up Knot"

2007-01-09 10:18:30 · 15 answers · asked by ... 1

In a second grade class, a little girl with pretty blonde hair asks, "Teacher, can my Mommy get pregnant?", "How old is your mother, dear?" asks the teacher. "Forty." she replies. "Yes, dear, your mother could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can my big sister get pregnant?" "Well, dear, how old is your sister?" The little girl answers, "Nineteen." "Oh yes, dear, your sister certainly could get pregnant." The little girl then asks, "Can I get pregnant?" "How old are you, dear?" The little girl answers, "I'm seven years old." "No, dear, you can't get pregnant..." Then, the little boy behind the little girl gives her a poke and says, "See, I told you we had nothing to worry about."

2007-01-09 10:03:21 · 13 answers · asked by Cuddly Lez 6

Doctor sits him down and says, "I'm very sorry sir, but you have HAGS".

"HAGS?", replies the man, "What the hell is that?"

"Well, it's herpes, AIDS, ghonnerea and shyphilis" the doc tells him.

"So what are you going to do?", queries the bloke anxiously.

"Well, we're going to lock you in a room and feed you a diet of kippers, pizza and waffles", explains the doctor.

"And will that cure me?"

The doc replies, "No, it's the only thing we can fit under the door"

2007-01-09 10:01:01 · 9 answers · asked by Ecko 4

2007-01-09 09:56:34 · 9 answers · asked by Melany 1

if corn oil is made from corn"and vegetable oil is made from vegetables"WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?"and why do we point at our wrist when asking a stranger for the time"but never point at our bum when asking where is the toilet?"and if a quiz is called quizical,what should we call a test?"

2007-01-09 09:53:01 · 10 answers · asked by Fo-Shizzle 1

on holiday one year my husband and myself entered in to the holiday camp game show thing which happened to be MR and Mrs.
First they asked me 3 questions while he was out the room and then it was my turn

I had to go into a back room wearing earphones so i couldn't hear his answers, They brought me out onto the stage after he had answered all 3 questions
Now then said the compare. We asked your man 3 questions you have to match the answers to win..He answered all your 3 correct and now you have to do the same.
There was a hush around the room. 500 hundred people including the kids were all waiting to see if we were going to win.

"What" said the compare "colour knickers are you wearing"
black i said,, yahooo thats correct, thats what your man said..
What did you have for breakfast this mornin?
eggs.lightly boiled...yippe said the compare. and thats what your man said. one more to win..
What is the most embarrassing place you have had sex.
Husband unbeknown to me said.

2007-01-09 09:52:49 · 6 answers · asked by chris w. 7

A female officer arrests a drunk,she warns him:
'you have the right to remain silent.anything you say will be held
against you."the drunk replies,"****."

2007-01-09 09:50:33 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 09:46:32 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man and his son were driving one night in their car and crashed, the father died and his son got rushed to hospital with serious injuries and needed to be operated on immediately, the doctors got ready but one doctor said "sorry, i can not operate on this boy as he is my son"... how is this possible??

2007-01-09 09:45:47 · 19 answers · asked by ChiKeTa G 1

if corn oil is made from corn"and vegetable oil is made from vegetables"WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?"and why do we point at our wrist when asking a stranger for the time"but never point at our bum when asking where is the toilet?"and if a quiz is called quizical,what should we call a test?"

2007-01-09 09:44:57 · 7 answers · asked by blu.boy 2

2007-01-09 09:43:01 · 6 answers · asked by flavorlicious 2

why does superman stop bullets with his chest"yet duck when a gun is thrown at him that fired the bullets at his chest?"and why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?"and who was the idiot who put the "S"in lisp?"and why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?"and how is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out,it would be a good idea to put wheels on our luggage?"and we know how fast the speed of light is"so whats the speed of dark?"

2007-01-09 09:38:39 · 18 answers · asked by blu.boy 2

a monkey asked his mother.."why are we so ugly?" the mother replied,"dont feel sorry for us,feel sorry for the poor B A R S T A R D reading this..."

2007-01-09 09:37:19 · 12 answers · asked by ChiKeTa G 1

What is something that you've heard someone say and it made you laugh really hard?

2007-01-09 09:32:02 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my garden shed stealing things. I phoned the police but was told that there was no-one in my area to help. They would send someone over as soon as possible.

I hung up. A minute later, I called again, "Hello", I said, "I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to worry now, because I've shot them".

Within minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the officers said, "I thought you said you'd shot them", to which I replied, "I thought you said there was no-one available".

2007-01-09 09:31:48 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

how do aussies practice safe sex>
they paint an X on the back of sheep that kick

2007-01-09 09:30:06 · 10 answers · asked by peter d 2

Do you run for fun?
Are you mentally balanced?
Are you currently on vicodin?
Can I buy some?
Do you doodle when you talk?
Do you talk funny?
Do you walk funny?
Do you look funny?
damn aren't you concieted?
I say, old chap, do you have any Grey Poupon?
What's your favorite holiday?
Have you ever been to Canada?
LIAR!!!
Do you have a fear of heights?
Is your name Bill?
Sure about that?
What's your favorite pasttime?
What did you say?
HUH???
Were your boots made for walkin?
Have you been messin where you shouldn't be messin?
Do you know what that sound is, Princess?
Would you tattoo my name on your hiney?
Please?
What about for $5?
Did you send out Christmas cards?
Why didn't I get one?
Well you didn't ask, now did you?
Have you found Jesus?
Can you tell him he needs to pick up the lawn clippings?
Can you type with your toes?
Can you type with your nose?
Woldse youei belevie i tyyuped thli with mu noosz/
Do you have a distinctive odor?
Whatcha doin?
Why

2007-01-09 09:28:31 · 10 answers · asked by Fo-Shizzle 1

who was the first person to look at a cow and think!!!!!!!!!ok i will sqeeze these pink dangly things and then drink whatever comes out of them?"and why do people say they"they slept like a baby"when a baby wakes up every two or three hours?"and if a deaf person appeared in court would it still be called a hearing?"

2007-01-09 09:26:55 · 6 answers · asked by blu.boy 2

B C D E I K O X?

10 pts for the first correct answer.

2007-01-09 09:20:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please give punchline as well.

2007-01-09 09:18:32 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

there was a blonde, a brunette, and a red head they were all stranded on an island so the brunette jumped in the water and swam 1 mi, 4miles, 7 miles, 14 mi and so on but then she got tired and drown so then the red head does the same and drowns then the blonde did the same but went like 40 something miles but then she could see shore like 1 mile away but since she got tired she started to swim back to the island.

2007-01-09 09:08:14 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 09:04:13 · 13 answers · asked by brokerman74067 4

2007-01-09 08:44:20 · 16 answers · asked by Majic Mitch 3