Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

it's stupid and it wasn't offensive at all.

2007-01-09 07:07:12 · 9 answers · asked by gypsy_darklady 3

2007-01-09 06:59:21 · 8 answers · asked by ghandi 2

A Native Indian went hunting one day in Ft. Totten and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a racist game warden who didn't like Native Indians.
The game warden ordered the Indian to show his hunting license, and the Indian pulled out a valid Ft.Totten hunting license. The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said "This duck ain't from Ft.Totten. This is a Turtle Mtn duck. You got a Turtle Mtn huntin' license, boy?" The Indian reached into his wallet and produced a Turtle Mtn Hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said, "This ain't no Turtle Mtn duck. This duck's from Fort Berthold. You got a Ft Berthhold license?" The Indian reached into his wallet and produced a Ft Berthold hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed it

2007-01-09 06:58:09 · 11 answers · asked by TML ♥'er 3

2007-01-09 06:50:47 · 26 answers · asked by BD M 2

Whaddup! Please, how cold is abilene, texas??!!! I'd really like to know because i want to know the kinds of clothing to bring along

PS: I know this shouldn't be in the jokes and riddles section but i love this place!

2007-01-09 06:45:11 · 7 answers · asked by Crunk Rocks. 1

A 4-year-old boy was asked to return thanks before a big dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking God for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles. Then he began to thank God for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip.

Then he paused, and everyone waited--and waited. After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

2007-01-09 06:41:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching."

At the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. Moving through the line a boy wrote another note to leave by the cookies, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples

2007-01-09 06:35:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

In Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially interested when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as if he were ill, and said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"

Little Johnny responded, "I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

2007-01-09 06:31:09 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

what do you call cold spaghetti in Arabic? Arabs dont allow spaghetti to cool down.
some one told me this joke, should i have laughed or isnt it funny

2007-01-09 06:28:57 · 14 answers · asked by yamahaqi 3

2007-01-09 06:26:57 · 9 answers · asked by Papa 7

A little boy opened the large old family Bible, and he looked with fascination at the ancient pages as he turned them one by one.

He was still in Genesis when something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was a very large old tree leaf that had been pressed between the pages of the Bible long ago."Momma, look what I found!" the boy called out.

"What do you have there?" his mother asked.

With astonishment in his voice, the young boy answered, "I think it's Adam's underwear!"

2007-01-09 06:26:08 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"

"No," her mother replied.

"Well, I think I have to throw up!" exclaimed the girl.

"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw up behind a bush," said her mother.

After about sixty seconds, the little girl returned to her seat. "Did you throw up?" her mother asked.

"Yes," the little girl replied.

"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned so quickly?" her mother asked.

"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the front door that says, 'For the Sick.'"

2007-01-09 06:16:10 · 8 answers · asked by Nafertiti 2

A little boy was afraid of the dark. One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.

The little boy turned to his mother and said, "Mama, I don't want to go out there. It's dark."

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. "You don't have to be afraid of the dark," she explained. "Jesus is out there. He'll look after you and protect you."The little boy looked at his mother real hard and asked, "Are you sure he's out there?"

"Yes, I'm sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him," she said.

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called, "Jesus? If you're out there, would you please hand me the broom?"

2007-01-09 06:14:41 · 15 answers · asked by Nafertiti 2

the first one with the answer gets the 10 bonus points!!!

2007-01-09 06:08:34 · 13 answers · asked by SJ 2

A young BLONDE woman in New York was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid water, when a handsome young sailor saw her teettering on the edge of the pier, crying. He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you, and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn. Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I get food and a trip to Europe , and he's screwing me." "He certainly is," the captain said. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

2007-01-09 06:07:43 · 6 answers · asked by Papa 7

Ok, a friend told this to me, any one who knows the answer please state:

3 ladies walk into a shop to buy a TV that costs £30. They pay and leave the shop. The shop keeper realises that it was reduced by £5 so he gave his assistant £5 in coins and told him to give the women the change. The assistant couldn't be bothered to work out 5 divided by 3 so he kept £2 and gave £3 back to each lady (£1 each)
All in all that means they all gave £9 each right. Okay, do the maths and:
9 x 3 =27,
27 + 2 (the £2 that the assistant kept)
= £29,
where the other pound coin gone?????


ARGH!

2007-01-09 06:04:40 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 06:04:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Every time I go to bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy."
"Put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears."
How much do you charge?" Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor." "I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.
Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist. "Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!" Is that so! And how, may Iask, did a bartender cure you?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed! -Ain't nobody under there now!!

2007-01-09 06:00:38 · 8 answers · asked by Papa 7

2007-01-09 05:59:13 · 11 answers · asked by talofa lava 2

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she told her mate.

"Eve, honey, you're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You know you're the only woman on earth."

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.

"Counting your ribs," said Eve.

2007-01-09 05:58:07 · 4 answers · asked by Nafertiti 2

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave.The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied... "My wife's first husband."

2007-01-09 05:56:43 · 11 answers · asked by Nafertiti 2

2007-01-09 05:49:45 · 8 answers · asked by BEVERLY H 1

A Post Office worker at the main sorting office finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because some thief robbed her of 100 dollars. She will be cold and hungry for the rest of the month if she doesn't receive some divine intervention.
The worker organizes a collection amongst the other postal workers, who dig deep and come up with 96 dollars. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.
A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same hand on another envelope. He opens it and reads: "Dear God, Thank you for the 100 dollars. This month would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was four dollars short but that was probably those thieving b*stards at the Post Office."

2007-01-09 05:48:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

What in your opinion would be the worst//funniest thing to say after sex?

2007-01-09 05:40:33 · 43 answers · asked by Anonymous

answer




switch off your playstation

2007-01-09 05:32:08 · 8 answers · asked by ethers 1

little Johnny's math teacher sent him home with a note for his father to sign. Little Johnny gave the note to his father. His father asked Little Johnny "what's the problem?" Johnny replied "I failed an oral math exam" His father said "what was the first question?"
My teacher asked me "what is 3 times 4 and I said twelve.
"What was the second question", asked the father.
She asked me what 4 times 3 was.
Johnny's father replied, "it's the same #$^@ing thing".
Johnny replied "that's what I said"

2007-01-09 05:21:15 · 13 answers · asked by James O only logical answer D 4

knock knock,
who's there?
Docter,
Docter who

Tadadadadadaaaa!!!!!!

what do you think??? yeah i know it's lame but i made it up myself!!! oh dear how sad i am.lol

2007-01-09 05:19:41 · 19 answers · asked by Queen Bee 2

A woman asked her doctor "why do I gag every time I brush my teeth and tounge, but I never gag when I'm giving my husband oral sex"?. The doctor replied "maybe your tooth brush is bigger".

2007-01-09 05:08:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple had been married for 40 years and also celebrated their 60th birthdays. During the celebration, a fairy godmother appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would give them one wish each. Being the faithful, loving spouse for all these years, naturally the wife wanted for her and her husband to have a romantic vacation together, so she wished for them to travel around the world. The fairy godmother waved her wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband's turn and the fairy godmother assured him he could have any wish he wanted, all he needed to do was ask for his heart's desire. He paused for a moment, then said, "Well, honestly, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy godmother picked up her wand and boom!
He was 90!!

2007-01-09 05:07:15 · 15 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

2007-01-09 05:03:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous