Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?


97% of Harvard graduates can not figure this riddle out, but 84% of kindergarten students were able to figure this out in 6 minutes or less. Can you guess the correct answer?

2007-01-09 03:29:33 · 25 answers · asked by channers21 1

2007-01-09 03:07:01 · 16 answers · asked by monica4rd 2

Never dine out with a chess player, it takes them 3 hours to pass the salt and pepper.

2007-01-09 03:03:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 02:58:22 · 4 answers · asked by Quinn 4

A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the
office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he opened the door a
truck came roaring past and completely tore off the driver's door of the
Lexus. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911.
When a policeman arrived, the lawyer was still screaming hysterically.
His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now
completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body
shop tried to make it new again.
After the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting, the cop shook his head in disgust. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are", he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Didn't you notice that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you."
The lawyer looked down to his left side and let
out a terrible scream: "Oh my God!!! ... MY ROLEX!"

2007-01-09 02:52:00 · 20 answers · asked by Electric 7

I noticed that when you swallow cigarette smoke and burp that smoke comes out with it, And i was just wondering since farts and burps come from the same place would smoke come out with the fart too?

2007-01-09 02:47:43 · 6 answers · asked by ruddsoriginal 1

A group of Americans was touring Ireland. One of the women in
the group was a real curmudgeon, constantly complaining. The
bus seats are uncomfortable.The food is terrible. It's too hot. It's
too cold. The accommodations are awful.

The group arrived at the site of the famous Blarney Stone.
"Good luck will be followin' ya all your days if you kiss the
Blarney Stone,"the guide said. "Unfortunately, it's being
cleaned today and so no one willbe able to kiss it. Perhaps we
can come back tomorrow."

"We can't be here tomorrow," the nasty woman shouted. "We
have some other boring tour to go on. So I guess we can't kiss
the stupid stone."

"Well now," the guide said, "it is said that if you kiss someone
who has kissed the stone, you'll have the same good fortune."

"And I suppose you've kissed the stone," the woman scoffed.

"No, ma'am," the frustrated guide said, "but I've sat on it."

2007-01-09 02:14:58 · 30 answers · asked by Electric 7

plz.........itz since a long time i laughed

2007-01-09 02:03:29 · 18 answers · asked by KEERTHI 1

2007-01-09 01:49:57 · 19 answers · asked by Madhu 2

have you ever wondered why guys that A.B.C.D.DD.E.F.G. and H.
are the letters used to define bra sizes.??????
if you have i think i have the answers
below is the information you require



A= almost boobs
B= barely there
C= can't complain
D= dang!
DD= double dang!!
E= ENORMOUS
F= Fake
G= GET A REDUCTION
H= HELP i've fallen over and can't get up

2007-01-09 01:23:30 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man goes to the doctors and says, doctor i keep singing green green grass of home, the doctor says you are suffering from tom jones sindrome, the man says,is that rare, doctor says its not unusual

2007-01-09 01:22:12 · 27 answers · asked by gonzo 3

what a women says.

this place is a mess c'mon you and i need to clean up your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes to wear if we don't do luandry right now.!





what a man hears.??
blah
blah
blah
blah
blah
c'mon
you
and
i
blah
blah
blah
blah
blah
blah
blah
blah
on
the
floor
blah
blah
blah
no
clothes
blah
blah
blah
blah
blah
blah
now






get it


if not

read again omitting all the blahs

2007-01-09 01:16:19 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

.
1. While sitting at your desk, (assuming we are all at work right now) lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change directions. Try and outsmart your foot.

2007-01-09 01:05:29 · 27 answers · asked by leedsmikey 6

this site is a scream, from stupidity to comedy... what a laugh. Shame some people have to be rude in their answers but the ones out for agiggle are hysterical.

2007-01-09 01:04:23 · 12 answers · asked by Helen C 4

2007-01-09 00:59:41 · 10 answers · asked by McQ 3

2007-01-09 00:49:38 · 12 answers · asked by cha o 1

if you keep on hating u will never get nowhere becuase u have to have a life.

2007-01-09 00:47:53 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Is it cold?

best answer will be chosen as always...

2007-01-09 00:39:10 · 10 answers · asked by wragster 3

2007-01-09 00:35:07 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

It was a roll over!

2007-01-09 00:33:33 · 17 answers · asked by anon. 1

Chocolate Nuts

A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, " Why then don't you eat the peanuts yourself?".

"We can't chew them because we've no teeth," she replied.

The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?"

The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them

2007-01-09 00:32:47 · 18 answers · asked by hotchocolate 2

2 gay guys are walking through a zoo.....They come across the gorillas and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection..The gay men are fascinated by this..One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it...The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for 6 hours, non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by...When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage..An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital...A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks,.."are you hurt?".......................




"AM I HURT?" he shouts...."wouldn't YOU be?..he hasn't called....he hasn't written........

2007-01-09 00:31:12 · 19 answers · asked by prettywoman 6

2007-01-09 00:27:13 · 25 answers · asked by Anthony 3

boy playing with his train, his mum over hears him from the kitchen say "all you bastards getting off, **** off! all you bastards getting on, ******* hurry up". his mum sends him to his room for 2 hours until he learns to be nice. when he starts playing again 2hrs later, his mum hears him say "those disembarking, mind the step & have a nice day, those boarding enjoy your journey, & those upset at the 2 hour delay, blame that fat **** in the kitchen!!

2007-01-09 00:14:30 · 29 answers · asked by jo w 4

what form of protection does a chav prefer whilst having sex?


a bus shelter!



(i thought it was funny before i was clear on what a "chav" was. now i think it's pretty damn hilarious!)

2007-01-09 00:11:57 · 20 answers · asked by soren 6

aamina- means honest women

arami- adorable

barsa- means rained

chahat- love

dania- food provider

esha- night

fahar- wind

ghous- wealthy

ishana- Donner of lover

jahera- precious stone

kaamila- abundant wealth

lamia- love

mahiya- lover

nabila- noble lady

omama- beloved

pehara- admiring

qamar- star

rahela- traveler with happiness

sunehria- golden girl

tarannum- the most moldiest tune.

umani- humble

vaniza- super power

wahida- helper

x- i dont know

yasila- rich

zaneyba- most loved.

all i can think of from alphabets that i know

how did u like it???

i love all these names.but which u think is more new and good.

just asking for help no offences and i asked here becoz here there r lots of u to answer.

2007-01-09 00:11:47 · 8 answers · asked by Oh My God! 6

thanks

2007-01-09 00:05:48 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

men are like
1 placemats
they only show up when theres food on the table
2 mascara
they usually run at the first sign of emotion
3 bike helmets
they are good in emergencies but usually look silly
4 goverment bonds
they take a long time to mature
5 copiers
you need them in reproduction but thats about it
6 lava lamps
great to look at but not that bright
7 bank accounts
without a lot of money they dont generate a lot of interest
8 high heels
they are easy to walk on once you get the hang of it
9 handguns
keep one round long enough and your gonna want to shot it

2007-01-09 00:03:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blonde was playing trivial pursuit one night
. it was her turn ,she rolled the dice and landed on: "science and nature"
her question was, if you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it.

she thought for a time and then asked...?

is it " on or off "

2007-01-08 23:55:15 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

why is it good that there are female astronauts???

when the crew get lost in space at least the woman will ask for directions


why do men like smart women ???




opposites attract.



what does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling out your name.?????




you did not hold the pillow down long enough

2007-01-08 23:48:42 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous