Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

My favorite 9 year old boy wants me to put this on here....see if you can get it, he is anxious to see how many come up with the answer.

2007-01-08 14:51:28 · 22 answers · asked by Bridget 3

why are you trying to get inside?

2007-01-08 14:51:19 · 10 answers · asked by DOMINATUS 3

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50." The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

2007-01-08 14:46:44 · 6 answers · asked by kaieka 1

2007-01-08 14:42:01 · 11 answers · asked by Moondog55 2

My mom and I were going over my Band Semester Final review sheet (yes we have a writen semester final in band) and she said choke, which if any of you out there play percussion, you would know it means to deaden the sound. Right after that, i farted.....

I couldnt stop laughing after that for like two minutes...Funny, or not?

I am not trying to offend anyone if i did...

2007-01-08 14:41:50 · 14 answers · asked by ♥♪♫[K]ath² [BUTT '14 ツ]♫♪♥™ 6

does anyone know how many rolls it would take to saran wrap a dodge ram??? or maybe not the whole thing just the doors???

2007-01-08 14:31:11 · 13 answers · asked by duckygirl444@sbcglobal.net 1

We need to make a comic strip about either bacteria, viruses or both in my advanced placement class. I've been working all night on homework, and I'm too tired to think of anything. Any ideas, people? Thanks so much!
P.S. The comic has to be at least 6 panels, and school-appropriate. No STDs!

2007-01-08 14:28:49 · 4 answers · asked by cowgirl91 3

2007-01-08 14:28:29 · 15 answers · asked by Saad 1

A mutant fly doubles it's number every 1 sec, so at 1st it was only one then 2 then 4 then 8 then 16....and so on..if a room was half full at around 11:05, what time would it be full?

2007-01-08 14:25:15 · 14 answers · asked by secnarF06 2

Three playing cards in a row. Can you name them with these clues? There is a two to the right of a king. A diamond will be found to the left of a spade. An ace is to the left of a heart. A heart is to the left of a spade. Now, identify all three cards.

2007-01-08 14:25:08 · 11 answers · asked by kaieka 1

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"****" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

2007-01-08 14:24:01 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

During a family get together, or during thanksgiving. Or just something that's happened to you that was really embarrassing.

2007-01-08 14:05:55 · 9 answers · asked by confuzzled.... 1

A porcupine swears, "The whole world is false! Dammit!", and dismounts from a cactus plant.

2007-01-08 13:57:32 · 9 answers · asked by Бадьгаа 1

2 guy's are ridding down the road, it starts raining really hard and it was night so the guy driving had to slow down,
then lightning struck in front of there car,
the passenger looked over to the other guy and he was gone!

where did he go ?

2007-01-08 13:35:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a farmer decides he wants to breed his pigs so he decides to take them to the vet . the vet tells the farmer that they need to be insemenated. Not wanting to sound stupid the farmer nods and leaves. he had no idea what that meant . so the next day , the farmer goes out to the pig pen scratching his head and decides that the vet meant he had to have sex with them. so he loads the pigs into the back of his pick-up and drives them out to the woods. after half an hour of bangin the hogs he drives em back and puts them in the pen. the next day the farmer goes out to the pen and decides he didn't do such a good job and loads the pigs back into the pick-up. this goes on for the next three days. on the fourth day the farmer goes out to the pen and finds the pigs all missing. he runs back to the house and yells for his wife"honey....all the pigs are gone." she responds, "no...they're out in your truck, honking the horn for you."

2007-01-08 13:31:54 · 17 answers · asked by predatorpio 3

Let's say your out shopping or at a restraunt and you have to go to the restroom. when you arrive at the door that says Men or Women you push open the door and walk in. After do your business you walk up to the sink to wash your hands and find one of those fausets that turn on by there self. there is even a soap dispencer that spits out soap without even touching it, and when you go to dry your hands yep you guessed it. It drys your hands without touching it. So here's the question how are you going to open the door to get out without touching it? you know some people don't wash their hands after useing the restroom

2007-01-08 13:30:12 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

poor dog....what did he get!

2007-01-08 13:27:24 · 26 answers · asked by bordergirltx 2

A man in mental hospital was standing on window shelf and peeing out. His doc, who happened to be walking below the window, looked up when the patient stopped or cut peeing in the middle. Doc thought that his patient is feeling shame, thus recovering from madness. Then, he asked his patient,

"Why did you stop peeing?", to which the patient answered,

"I stopped because you might grab my urine and pull me fall down."

2007-01-08 13:25:40 · 8 answers · asked by Бадьгаа 1

These are easier, make-you-think, questions:
1.What is the name of the song that Metallica does, but is also the name of a Godsmack song?
2.Is the white rim around the edge of a stopsign optional?
3.How many astrological signs can you name off the top of your head? (No fair looking them up!)
4.What are your top six favorite bands, in order of greatness? (Greatest first)
5.What is winter solstice?
6.If there is a train wreck ON the Mexican/US Border, where would you bury the survivors?
7.Do you watch American Idol? If so, are you on crack? Do you think some of the people on the show are on crack? What about pot? Acid? Any other drug?
8. What is your most missed memory?
9.If you were a song, what song would you be?
10.How many of the 'Band Camp'/'American Pie'/'Teen Movie' series have you seen? Did you like them? Can you quote them?
Did you demand your money back? Are THEY on crack?
11.Are you....
*Afraid of the dark?
12. Do you...
*Like FOB?
*Know who that is?

Enjoy!!

2007-01-08 13:23:03 · 4 answers · asked by All!c@ 3

They're both dogs!

2007-01-08 13:17:51 · 7 answers · asked by bordergirltx 2

A porcupine swears, "The whole world is walse! Dammit!", and dismounts from a cactus plant.

2007-01-08 13:16:25 · 7 answers · asked by Бадьгаа 1

u throw away my outside then u cook the inside
then, u eat my outside and throw away my inside
what am I?

2007-01-08 13:09:02 · 6 answers · asked by Chicksta 2

when people start to complain of sweet french fries and salty coffee

2007-01-08 13:01:01 · 18 answers · asked by Jessica R 5

I must warn u this is not like one of thosehappy, cheerfulish poems..
here ya go

No Title Yet

I Cried On What You Said
Those Awful Words Made Me Hurt Inside My Head
They Never Gone Away, Not Even Half
They Just Sat In My Head As If They Laughed
I Try To Shake My Head
To Get Rid Of Those Words
But All I Feel Is Me Getting Worse
I Try And Try To Make Them Go Away
But Its Like Your In My Head Telling Them To Stay
All I Wanted Was Some Peice And Quite
But I Got Your Words Up Inside My Head
Hurting Me Instead
By Yelling Those Awful Words That You Have Said.

rate from 1 to 10....tell me what to do to improve

2007-01-08 13:00:03 · 27 answers · asked by Xtremly_cute 1

2007-01-08 12:58:27 · 13 answers · asked by DOMINATUS 3

Mick is in court for a double murder. The judge says, "You are charged with beating your wife to death with a spanner."
A man at the back of the courtroom yells our, "You bas***d!"
The judge continues. "You are also charged with beating your wife's lover to death with a spanner."
The man yells out again. "You absolute bas***d!"
The judge looks at the man and says, "Sir, I can understand your anger at this crime, but I will have no more outbursts. If you have anything to say, say it now."
The man gets up and says, "For fifteen years I lived next door to that bas***d and every time I asked to borrow a bloody spanner, he said he didn't have one!" :)

2007-01-08 12:55:11 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-08 12:45:04 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

One Blondie was driving by three men who was trying to figure out how tall the pole on the sidewalk was, the blondie stopped and ask the men what they were doing, they replied "This pole, we're trying to figure how tall it is. Now, you better get away before it gets nasty" The blondie said, "Well men, I'm not gonna Shoo, I'm gonna help ya!" So she got out and got her toolbox, walked to the pole, unscrewed the bottom, laid it down on the ground, measured it and told the men that i twas 32 feet, then jumped back in her car, the men said "Damn, that stupid blondie, we wanted to know how tall it was NOT how long it was!"

2007-01-08 12:37:57 · 21 answers · asked by Kat 2

2007-01-08 12:35:11 · 19 answers · asked by ohstrawberries 1

2007-01-08 12:34:26 · 19 answers · asked by melvin-miller@sbcglobal.net 1