Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

A friggin Fat Rosie O'donnell.

2007-01-09 11:59:04 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man and woman were awakened at 300 AM to someone knocking on their door. The man goes down stairs and opens the door to find a drunk standing in the pouring down rain.

The drunk: "I need a push."
Husband: "Its 300 AM and pouring down rain. I'm not helping you."

The husband returns upstairs and is asked by his wife who was at the door. The husband told her it was a drunk needing a push. The wife reminded her husband of the time they had car trouble and two young men stopped and help them. She said her husband should go help the drunk.

The husband went back down stairs and opened the door to find the drunk wasn't there. The husband yelled, "Are you still there?" and the drunk responded, "Yes!"
Husband: Do you still need a push?
Drunk: Yes!
Husband: Where are you?
Drunk: Over here......In the swing!

2007-01-09 11:58:58 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is for people that can solve riddle sometimes.

I am always on the road.
You see people holding me by a school.
I am big and red.
What am I?

2007-01-09 11:54:44 · 19 answers · asked by ♥Chamillitary Amberleé♥ 5

Extend your right leg out and circle your leg anti clockwise while doing that extend your right arm out and circle your arm clockwise.

Can you do?

2007-01-09 11:54:23 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Also:
-Yo so stupid
-Yo so ugly

Yo so dum, that when you go to a mindreader, you get half price.
Yo breath is so bad, i bet people look forward to your farts... etc

2007-01-09 11:52:40 · 13 answers · asked by HarrisonZ 3

Check this out

If you can answer this, then you are smart.
If you cant, well, you still have smartness.

Here.

Young tells Old that Old is three times as old as young and Old tells young that he is three times younger than young.

Young says this is wrong, and therefore, it is wrong.

Where is it wrong? (!_!)

Second one.

2*2= 4

so what is 5*8?
(this is a pretty stupid question with a stupid answer.)

2007-01-09 11:52:33 · 7 answers · asked by TheSchoolBoy 2

Barman says "Can I get you a Drink"? Descartes says "I Think not" and disappears!

2007-01-09 11:47:39 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

This is the most easy riddle if you pay attention to the story.

There are about 500 people on the Texas and Mexico border. Then Iraq shoots a bomb at the border. Where do you bury the surviviors?

Told you it was easy

2007-01-09 11:40:30 · 16 answers · asked by ♥Chamillitary Amberleé♥ 5

I posted the question, "Do you know how to catch a polar bear?" Where am I supposed to put the answer. I don't wanna give it away in the question. I want people to try to guess first.

2007-01-09 11:36:06 · 8 answers · asked by Jekyl and Hyde 2

I made it up. A woman was experiencing immense pain in the middle of the night. For the pasts 9 months she had, but this time, it hurt a lot more and the time between the pain was shorter.

Immediately her husband drove her to the doctor. At the doctor's office, she was informed she was in labor.

After delivering her baby, the doctor turned back to the new parents and began to lecture them.

"How could you not know your wife was pregnant? How could you two only figure it out AFTER you go into labor!? Didn't you notice her eating twice the amount a normal person does? All the throwing up and sickness and pain? THE HUGE STOMACH?"

Cringing, the husband tried to explain.

"Oh, you don't understand, doctor. She's ALWAYS like that!"

2007-01-09 11:27:50 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok heres the question...

Clem and Joe work in a coal mine. At the end of the day, Clem and Joe come out of the mine and bid each other farewell for the night. Clem’s face is dirty and Joe’s face is clean. As Clem and Joe set out for home, Joe wipes his face and Clem doesn’t bother. Since both men appreciate cleanliness, why doesn’t Clem clean his face?

2007-01-09 11:27:46 · 9 answers · asked by Alex 1

After 7 years..... > >A man
>>and his wife are dining at a table in a plush
>>restaurant, and the >husband keeps staring at a
>>drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits >alone at
>>a nearby table. > > > >The wife asks, "Do you know
>>her?" > > > >"Yes," sighs the husband, "she's my
>>ex-girlfriend. I understand she >took to drinking
>>right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear
>> >she hasn't been sober since." > > > >"My God!" says
>>the wife, "Who would think a person could go on
>> >celebrating that long?"

2007-01-09 11:27:45 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 11:23:17 · 5 answers · asked by 1251 2

why do dwarfs laugh while they play soccer?
-because the grass tickles their balls!

2007-01-09 11:14:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A father and a son were driving along in a car and had a terrible accident. The father was killed immediatly, the son was rushed to the hospital in critical condition. Once the son was brought into the operating room, the doctor said," I can't operate on him, he's my son!" How is this possible?

2007-01-09 11:09:54 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside. He looked up and said weakly: "I have something I must confess."
"There's no need to," his wife replied. "No," he insisted, "I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!" "I know," she replied, "now just rest and let the poison work."

2007-01-09 11:01:25 · 8 answers · asked by Papa 7

how much letters are in the alphabet?

ms. jones had seven children half of them were boys how is this possible?

toms mum had 4 children cent,dollar,dime who is the fourth one?

if i had five apples and i took 3 how many would i have

what colour is a tree (1 answer)

2007-01-09 11:01:16 · 11 answers · asked by connie a 1

If it takes a bum 5 cigar butts to make 1 cigar, How many cigars can he make and smoke with 25 cigar butts?

2007-01-09 11:00:26 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

i got like 600 sheets yesterday!

2007-01-09 10:58:31 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8pm. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home."Where have you been?" his wife demanded."I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon." She looked down at his shoes and said: "You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"

2007-01-09 10:57:24 · 9 answers · asked by Papa 7

One day President Bush was sitting in his office when the top army person walked in. Bush asked him what he wanted and he said, "six Brizilian leaders have just been killed." Bush then falls to the floor crying. The army official then looks at him confused and says, "sir, it's not that big of a deal." Bush then slowly stands up and says, "exactly how much is a brizilian?"

2007-01-09 10:51:48 · 10 answers · asked by beardedredhead7 4

One day President Bush was sitting in his office when the top army person walked in. Bush asked him what he wanted and he said, "six Brizilian leaders have just been killed." Bush then falls to the floor crying. The army official then looks at him confused and says, "sir, it's not that big of a deal." Bush then slowly stands up and says, "exactly how much is a brizilian?"

2007-01-09 10:47:38 · 5 answers · asked by beardedredhead7 4

2007-01-09 10:43:08 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.

Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test.

The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.

The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

2007-01-09 10:40:58 · 26 answers · asked by moneyman_0101 2

what are some funny yo mamma jokes that u've heard and some good "you might be a redneck if....."

2007-01-09 10:36:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?

2. Why can't woman put their mascara on with their mouth closed?

3. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

4. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?

5. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?

6. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?

7. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

8. What do people in China call their good plates?

9. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

10. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.

11. What do you call male ballerinas?

12. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?

13. If Wile E coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?

14. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?

15. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?

17. If a man is walking in a forest and no women is there to hear him is he still wrong?

18. Why is it that when someone tells you that there are billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?

19. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it goes mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?

2007-01-09 10:35:17 · 10 answers · asked by moneyman_0101 2

1)Thats not right.......som Ting Wong
2)Stupid man...........Dum Gai
3)Small horse.........Ti Ni Po Ni
4)I think you need a face lift.......Chin Tu Fat
5)Did you go to the beach.......Wai Yu So Tan
6)It's verry dark in here......Wai So Dim
7)He's cleaning his car........Wa Shing Ka

2007-01-09 10:32:35 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

a guys boat crashed and sank in the middle of the ocean, so he was left there floating and well a few hours past and a boat drove by, the sailor saw the man floating and asked "do you need any help?" the man said "no thankyou, god will save me" so the boat drove away, another couple of hours past and another boat drove by, the sailor of that boat asked the floating man the same question and the man floating said " no thankyou, god will save me", well another few hours past and the man drowned. He went to heaven and walk right up to god and asked
"God, i was in the middle of the ocean, why didnt you save me?"
God said
"I sent you two boats you idiot."

2007-01-09 10:32:07 · 6 answers · asked by xxapplejuice33xx 1

greeneyed this is for u! I know my name on here is spelled suger not sugar thats how i wanted it thank u very much! so u dont have to b so rude to me when i didnt do anything to u!

2007-01-09 10:31:41 · 4 answers · asked by sugar_baby94 1

10 pts for the 1st correct answer.

2007-01-09 10:30:43 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous