Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your RIGHT side is a 'drop off' (The ground is 18-20 inches below the level you are traveling on), and on your LEFT side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you . What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?




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* Get your drunk *** off the merry-go-round. *

HEHEHEHEHEHEHE! I just love this joke!

2007-01-09 13:02:42 · 9 answers · asked by Kathleen G 3

What is it that everybody does at the same time?

I will give u the ans tomorrow. 10 pts for the 1st right one.

2007-01-09 12:57:11 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

You know the type, where OIAM means One In A Million .....

But what is YWMFM ?

Clue : 1960's British Hit from a funny dancer ...

2007-01-09 12:55:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

can you please give it to me?

2007-01-09 12:43:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 12:40:36 · 25 answers · asked by Matthew G 2

you can only ask the computers 1 quesstion, what question do you ask them??????/

2007-01-09 12:40:08 · 20 answers · asked by dshariff 1

This is really kind of funny...

The question I answered on Yahoo was:

Is it wrong to sex during date or mc?

I answered...

Borat...Is that you?

The way the question was written it just reminded me of Borat the Movie!

I ended up being deleted and lost 11 points and received a violation notice for the following reason:

Reason of violation: chatting and/or personal communication! hahahahahaha!

2007-01-09 12:39:44 · 19 answers · asked by Kathleen G 3

in a farm there are cages where the pigs live. Now using chinease, japanease, and Korean people which group of people would come out of the pen first if they are pigs and as in the cleanest????

2007-01-09 12:38:08 · 7 answers · asked by SOPHIE p 1

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)

Shelly

2007-01-09 12:34:41 · 9 answers · asked by moneyman_0101 2

The face pops up after you have been starring at the picture.

2007-01-09 12:33:43 · 7 answers · asked by BIG man 1

Is it true that if you take prozac and viagra together you automatically become a stalker?

2007-01-09 12:33:06 · 7 answers · asked by zappafan 6

Hillary Clinton died and went to heaven. As she stood in front of Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. She asked, "What are all those clocks?"

Saint Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.
Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move.

"Oh," said Hillary, "whose clock is that?"

"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie."

"Whose clock is that?"

"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abe only told 2 lies in his entire life."

"Where's Bill's clock?" Hillary asked.

"Bill's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."

2007-01-09 12:32:22 · 9 answers · asked by moneyman_0101 2

A very sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wants her vaginal lips reduced in size because they are loose and flapping. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery she found three roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately calls in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked, "Oh, that rose is from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."

2007-01-09 12:29:32 · 7 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

10 letters what word do you get?
xybdfganjaktnawz

2007-01-09 12:25:41 · 9 answers · asked by the songs you wrote 1

Fun Things to do in an Elevator

-Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.


-Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.


-Start shaving.


-Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"


-Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.


-When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.


-Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.


-On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.


-Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!"


-When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"

Best one gets best vote!

2007-01-09 12:22:48 · 14 answers · asked by X-tina 3

Upon hearing that my elderly grandfather had just passed away, I went straight to my grandparent's house to visit my 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When I asked how my grandfather had died, my grandmother replied,
"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday Morning."

Horrified, I told my grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny.
"Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm.

Nice and slow and even . . . Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."




She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along!

2007-01-09 12:21:26 · 22 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

Man goes into a bar everyday after work and continues to order shot after shot. After each shot he looks into his shirt pocket, orders another shot, downs it, then looks into his shirt pocket again. The man continues to do this over and over. Finally the bartender ask the man why he drinks, looks into his pocket, and orders another drink.
The man replies that he has a picture of his wife in his pocket and he drinks until she looks good and then goes home to her...

2007-01-09 12:19:48 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-09 12:18:17 · 3 answers · asked by dfa79rules 1

Jewbacca

2007-01-09 12:17:47 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st correct answer gets the 10 pts.

2007-01-09 12:17:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

x=p
p=c
c=d
d=r
r=h
h=f
f=j
j=?
?=the answer.
what is the answer?

( dont answer just to say moron.)

2007-01-09 12:17:02 · 11 answers · asked by TheSchoolBoy 2

2007-01-09 12:14:19 · 31 answers · asked by Leurys A 3

you really got to think about it!!!!!

2007-01-09 12:11:46 · 49 answers · asked by the songs you wrote 1

You know the type, where OIAM means One In A Million ....

so what does QFT mean ..... ( 60's hit ) ?

Ten points to first correct answer !

2007-01-09 12:09:47 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's greater than God?
But's worse than the devil?
Poor people have it.
Rich people want it.

2007-01-09 12:06:45 · 23 answers · asked by scromlette213 3

how many wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?


i am not serious

2007-01-09 12:05:03 · 8 answers · asked by Arthur 1

A blonde, a red head and a brunette decide to rob a farm because they heard the farmer keeps thousands of dollars in the barn.
Their plan fails when they get there and immediately trip the alarm.
The brunette says, "quick, everyone hide", just as police are arriving on the scene.
The brunette hides with the cows and says "moo, moo" , the police pass right by her.
The red head hides with the horses and neighs, she isn't found.
The blonde is in her hiding place in the barn saying, "potato, potato, potato"

2007-01-09 12:04:55 · 12 answers · asked by Cindi 4

I am a three digit number.
My tens digit is five more than my ones digit.
My hundreds digit is eight less than my tens digit.
What number am I?

2007-01-09 12:04:50 · 8 answers · asked by auroa26 3

any ideas for prank calls..???

2007-01-09 12:04:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two mothers and two daughters go to a pet store and buy three cats. Each female gets her own cat. How is this possible?

Explain your answer.

2007-01-09 11:59:59 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous