Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

Customer: Do you serve crab?
waiter: sit down sir we serve everyone
_______________________________
Customer:There's a roach in my soup!!!
waiter:don't worry sir,it's not hot.
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Customer:your tie is in my glass!!!
waiter:It's ok sir,it's not shrinkable

Found them in an ooold magazine 2001 lolll

2007-01-14 06:03:14 · 16 answers · asked by kimpossible 2

One day, Jesus and Satan decided to settle which one of them was the best programmer. God was chosen to be the judge.

Jesus and Satan got 10 hours to create the best program they could for the PC.

When 10 hours had passed, the power suddenly went out, and all the data disappeared from both monitors. Moments later, the power came back on.

On Jesus's monitor, all the data had returned to its previous state, whereas Satan's monitor remained blank.

Satan got really angry and complained to God.

God was quiet for a moment, then he laughed and said, "Jesus saves!"

2007-01-14 06:01:51 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Continue from the first person on!

2007-01-14 05:58:54 · 13 answers · asked by Rachel T. 2

who can help me to find lyrics?

2007-01-14 05:54:26 · 7 answers · asked by enexr 1

If you have some can you please tell me them I just love those jokes.

Thanks

2007-01-14 05:38:24 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk answers, "Yes, I am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again for a little longer. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again. "Have you found Jesus my brother?"
The drunk again answers, "No, I haven't found Jesus."
By this time the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk in the water again --- but this time holds him
down for about 30 seconds. When he begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up and again asks the drunk, "For the love of God have you found Jesus?
The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

2007-01-14 05:36:55 · 28 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

2007-01-14 05:31:57 · 14 answers · asked by izzyjennings 1

here's one -

An old Italian Mafia Don is dying and he called his grandson (Gladdis) to
his bed and told him: "Grandson I wanta you to listen to me. I
wanta you to take mya 45 automatic pistol, so you will always
remember me".

Gladdis replies: "But grandpa I really don't like guns,
how about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead".
The Don angry, answers: "You lisina to me, some-a-day you goin a
be runna da bussiness, you goina have a beautiful wife, lotsa
money, a biga home and maybe a couple of bambino. Some day you
goina come hom and maybe finda your wife in bed with another
man. Whata you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say,
'TIMES UP'"?

2007-01-14 05:31:33 · 8 answers · asked by spin spin sunshine 4

my great grandfather knew the exact day he was going to die
the judge told him

2007-01-14 05:31:18 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

completely gone!'. To which the man replied 'I'm not surprised. She's been giving a piece of it to me every day for the past 25 years!'

2007-01-14 05:27:45 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

while I sit on the sofa and fart.

2007-01-14 05:24:02 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

When you can only be a wife OR girlfriend,you can't be both can you?maybe the pc brigade didn't like the abbreviation.

2007-01-14 05:23:40 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is the most stupid kiddie joke u have ever heard of ?? eg: why did the jelly baby go to skool ?? because he wanted to become a smartie... well i think that ones quite cool actually but u know...

2007-01-14 05:22:49 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

2007-01-14 05:18:22 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Cow fell in the mud. Ha Ha Ha

2007-01-14 05:12:36 · 8 answers · asked by AlienJack J 3

A young Nun named Sister Margaret Mary, who worked for a local home health care agency, was out making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it there was a gas station just one block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can with enough gas to start the car and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her that the only gas can he owned had just been loaned out, but if she would care to wait he was sure it would be back shortly.
Since the nun was on the way to see a patient she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. After looking through her car for something to carry to the station to fill with gas, she spotted a bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car.
As she was pouring the gas into the tank of her car two men watched her from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said: "If that car starts, I'll become a Catholic!"

2007-01-14 05:07:09 · 16 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A train leaves New York for Boston. Five minutes later another train leaves Boston for New York, at double the speed. Which train will be closer to New York when they encounter?

2007-01-14 04:48:56 · 11 answers · asked by Fantastico 2

What is

10+10-5+3-3+54

2007-01-14 04:43:22 · 15 answers · asked by J 2

I worked from 12 pm yesterday till 12.30 today a 24 hour shift yes. then to top it all the late shift was late! now I am knackered and had a glass of wine so cant go in pusuit of a paper.Whats the GOSSIP?

2007-01-14 04:33:22 · 9 answers · asked by babyshambles 5

I have been on so many blind dates....does this entitle me to a free dog?

2007-01-14 04:22:07 · 28 answers · asked by man with the golden gun 4

2007-01-14 04:07:21 · 3 answers · asked by hcwilkinson71 1

Simply Red singer Mick hucknell has been arrested by police for having sex with a rabbit,apparantly he told police he was holding back the ears but the bunny was too tight to mention.

2007-01-14 04:02:46 · 19 answers · asked by jcraze1 3

2007-01-14 04:01:09 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why do blondes use so much shampoo?
The instructions read: LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT!

P.S.Please dont be offended if you're blonde - it's just a joke and i'm only asking because i liked it and want to brighten someones day. xxx

2007-01-14 03:52:15 · 31 answers · asked by LEIGHA. 3

had just finished another and rampant night of sex. She lay there stroking my penis, admiring it.
I asked her what she was thinking, she said, "I was just thinking how much I miss mine.." =|

2007-01-14 03:52:14 · 17 answers · asked by Nathan 3

a stranger in town has no money and is totally starvin'he walks into a bar to try and blag some food.as he stands at the bar he notices the old man beside him has a plate of curry and is not eating any,he asks if he can have it and the old man says yep.he is just about finished it when he spots a big dirty rat on the bottom of the plate at that he spews his guts back onto the plate and the old man turns and says yup thats exactly what a done!

2007-01-14 03:51:55 · 18 answers · asked by stu 2

2007-01-14 03:51:27 · 5 answers · asked by pretzelman5000 2

That was it.Do you get it? Do you know a shorter joke than that? 10 points to the best answer!

2007-01-14 03:48:13 · 6 answers · asked by Mark K 6

the egg or the chicken...

2007-01-14 03:47:11 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

i mean they tell jokes about men ALL THE TIME but then when a guy says a women joke,they get all mad and take it personally, when i say this,i dont mean all of them just most,and now as predictible as it is these women that read this are going to say i have no sense of humor bla bla bla no we dont bla bla bla also for the guys reading this,please if you can post some women jokes,just to get them mad.

2007-01-14 03:46:45 · 7 answers · asked by Jaden B 3