[Selected]: All categories ➔ Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
After hearing a couple's complaints that their intimate life wasn't what it used to be, the $ex counsellor suggested they vary their position. "For example," he suggested, "you might try the wheelbarrow. Lift her legs from behind and off you go." The eager husband was all for trying this new idea as soon as they got home. "Well, okay," the hesitant wife agreed, "but on two conditions. First, if it hurts you have to stop right away, and second..."
she continued, "you have to promise we won't go past my parents' house."
2007-01-13 22:36:32 · 27 answers · asked by GS 3
RECKON SHE WAS CHEEKIER THAN A CHEEKY GIRLS CONCERT IN CHEEKYTOWN!!
2007-01-13 22:27:07 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous
...So two blondes living in Oklahoma, were sitting on a park bench talking... one says to the other "I wonder which is further away, Florida, or the moon?" The other swiftly replies "Helloooo! You can SEE the moon!!!"
2007-01-13 22:12:45 · 17 answers · asked by Elley 3
any 1 else hving problem with 360 its saying on mine error 999
2007-01-13 22:12:06 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous
An accountant, a lawyer, and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal. The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands... clear up to his elbows... he used about 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan, and they taught us to be clean."
The lawyer finished, zipped up and quickly wet the tips of his fingers, grabbed one paper towel and commented, "I graduated from the University of Colorado, and they taught us to be environmentally conscious."
The cowboy zipped up and as he was walking out the door said, "I graduated from the University of Nebraska, and they taught us not to pee on our hands."
2007-01-13 22:08:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous
this is of mice and men
2007-01-13 22:05:37 · 7 answers · asked by baby h 2
Why did Helen Keller's dog committ suicide?
You would too if your name was ralawhalalalajaklsdjflaakclt!
Before you say it Helen Keller was a GREAT person. Its a joke. Take it as such.
2007-01-13 21:47:58 · 6 answers · asked by bendabomb85 2
mom, where do babys come from? His mother says they come from storks. Little Johnny asks......Well who fu%ks the storks.
2007-01-13 21:44:59 · 4 answers · asked by Jim W 1
it's easy if you know go by association.
2007-01-13 21:26:58 · 5 answers · asked by Invisible_Flags 6
How can you make the number 7..become even...without adding any numbers to it...?
2007-01-13 21:19:52 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous
A blonde executive was driving by a field one day when she saw a blonde rowing a boat in the middle of a dirt field. She drove over to her and said, "It's idiots like you that give blondes a bad name, and if I could swim I would come over there and kick your ***!"
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A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."
The cashier leaned over the counter and said:
"Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg"
2007-01-13 21:18:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous
2007-01-13 21:16:05 · 6 answers · asked by jekin 5
in the wine cellar."
2007-01-13 21:14:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous
killed you, why would the cops fail to make any arrests?
2007-01-13 21:06:10 · 4 answers · asked by Slevin Kelevra 3
A woman was telling her friend "i was the one that made my husband a millionaire, what was he when you married him; asked the friend, a billionaire.
2007-01-13 21:05:11 · 6 answers · asked by mores m 1
hi all can you please give your honest and constructive opinion on my poem please, please no rudeness just honesty, many thanx
Front seat driver
I grip the seat my heart beating fast
As u nearly hit that telephone mast
I turn to you slow down I say
Cannot understand why u drive this way
You scowl at me it’s a sexy sight
Then I scream at you watch out red light
The brakes screech as you come to a halt
Then turn to me saying that was my entire fault
Turn left up here and stop I want to drive
To my friends house I want to stay alive
Don’t forget to indicate I hear myself say
So other drivers know your going that way
Lights change and you stall the engine
And then you do the final sin
You get out of the car and walk away
Ill never forget that moment to this day
I move across to the driver’s side
All my embarrassment I try to hide
From all the angry drivers behind
And then the car keys I try and find
You took them when you left the car
I’m going to have to push glad its not far
A lesson learned I know this to be true
When you’re driving never anger you
2007-01-13 21:02:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous
I woke up one morning and decided to go for a walk. I faced north and walked in that direction for 10 miles. I then sat down had my lunch, dolphin friendly tuna sandwiched on insect friendly bread. Then I stood up faced north again and walked in that direction for 10 miles. To my surprise I arrived back at home..... how did I do that?
2007-01-13 20:59:38 · 9 answers · asked by Bohdisatva 3
She married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She married again and had 7 more children. Again, Her husband died. But, she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally died.
Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they’re finally together.”
One mourner leaned over and quietly asked her friend, “Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?” The friend replied, “I think he means her legs.”
2007-01-13 20:58:39 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he noticed two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." the man from the limousine said excitedly. "But sir, I have a wife with two children!" "Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man. "But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered. "Bring them as well!" So, they all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a vehicle as large as the limousine. One of the poor fellows expressed his gratitude, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The rich man replied, "No, thank you... the grass at my place is about three feet tall and I could use the help!"
2007-01-13 20:56:06 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous
What goes blak.... white..... black... white... black,white,black,white,blakwhiteblackwhiteblackwhite?
2007-01-13 20:36:37 · 6 answers · asked by talofa lava 2
2007-01-13 20:26:20 · 4 answers · asked by mores m 1
riddle first.
a man lives on the 13th floor. when it's not raining the man rides the elevator half way then takes the stairs the rest of the way to the 13th floor. but when it rains, he'll ride the elevator all the way to the 13th floor. why?
now here is a joke
in a 1st grade class room the teacher gets up and says class, the word for the day is 'speaker'. suzie, can you use todays word in a sentence? suzie says "speaker, my dad has a radio with two speakers." the teacher is pleased and turns to the next student "samisi, can you use the word for today in a sentence?" samisi gets up and says "speaker, ah, everyday i go to the gym.... and i notice that this muscle is 'speaker' than this one."
2007-01-13 20:23:54 · 7 answers · asked by talofa lava 2
Three women go out to a nightclub to see male dancers. One of the women wants to impress the others, so she pulls out a 10dollar billl and waves the dancer over. She licks the 10dollar bill and sticks it to his left buttockl. Not to be outdone, the second woman pulls out a 20dollar bill, licks it, and slaps it on the other cheek. The dancer looks down at the third woman and raises his eyebrows. Thinking for a minute, she reaches into her purse. She pulls out her ATM card, swipes it down the crack, grabs the $30 dollars and goes home..
:-) enjoy
2007-01-13 20:23:32 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous
This old man goes to dr for viagra, dr checks him out and says yes u are healthy enough and asks the old man how many he wants, the old man replies "oh just a few and could u please cut each one into 4 pieces"? The dr said "now that will not help you any to take only one forth of a pill". The old man replies..... No doc, i'm 90 years old, it's not for sex, i just want it to stick up enough so that i don't pee on my shoes".
2007-01-13 20:11:28 · 9 answers · asked by Hilllbilly_gal 5
okay tell me what you think of this:
CONFUSION
Ladies and gentlemen, bums and tramps,
Crossed eyes mosquitoes and bow legged ants,
I come here before you to stand behind you,
And tell you the story i've never even heard.
Admission is free so pay at the door,
Theres plenty of seats so sit on the floor,
This is a ladies meeting for gentlemen only,
And now I will tell you my little story.
One bright morning in the middle of the night,
Two dead boys got up to fight,
Back to back the faced eachother,
And sword to sword they shot eachother.
A deaf policeman heard the noise,
And came to kill the two dead boys,
Fine don't believe me, my story is true,
Ask the blind man he saw it too.
2007-01-13 20:03:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous
this is absolutely random! type the first word that comes in your head .......NOW....no, NOW. i will pick some one randomly to win. want to play?
there's nothing else to do
2007-01-13 19:55:36 · 12 answers · asked by talofa lava 2
three guys apply for a job, a haole, a hawaiian, and a samoan. the employer says that there is only one position left. this position is an office job. Down stairs is the supply room. whoever goes down and brings back the best supplies for the job will get the job.
so all three go down. the haole guy is the first to come back up stairs. he's got papers, pens, sissors, and tape. the hawaiian comes up with the same and also some folders and a stappeler. the employer is empressed but says he'll wait for the samoan to come up before making his decision.
an hour goes by, still no samoan guy.
the employer finally goes down to check on him. he goes down and sees the supply door open but the lights are off. he turns on the lights and the samoan guy jumps down and yells "supplies!!"
2007-01-13 19:43:08 · 7 answers · asked by talofa lava 2
TODAY IS ANOTHER RIDDLE=D
I AM A SMALL DOG. I AM WHITE LIKE FOG.
I AM WARM AND FUZZY. BUT SOMETIMES I NEED A MUZZEY
ANSWER:
THE TYPE OF DOG
AND WHAT KIND OF SPREE
GOOD LUCK!
2007-01-13 19:38:32 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous
This bloke's ram dies just before lambing season. So he phones his neighbour who also is a famer and asks him how much would it cost him to buy a ram from him.
He reply's £3000, the bloke say's he can't afford that type of money. So his neighbour say's "make love to them yourself"?
So the next morning the bloke take's his Landrover car and put 6 sheep into it and drives off to a place were he makes love to them, and he then returns to the farmhouse.
The following morning he looks out the farmhouse window and the sheep are still standing in the field and not lying on the belly's a pregnant sheep do.
So once again 6 sheep go into the Landrover for a seeing to?
The next morning his wife is getting up and he asks her to look out the window as he's knackered.
His wife looks out and reply's there not standing up or on their belly's?
What are they up to said the bloke.
Oh there sheep jumping into the Landrover and one is tooting the horn!
2007-01-13 19:34:30 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
(You're going to love this)
(A masterpiece)
(Wait for it)
The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
(You're singing it, aren't you?) Come on now, you grinned, I know you did!!
2007-01-13 19:33:40 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous
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