funny poem?

Question

hi all can you please give your honest and constructive opinion on my poem please, please no rudeness just honesty, many thanx

Front seat driver

I grip the seat my heart beating fast
As u nearly hit that telephone mast
I turn to you slow down I say
Cannot understand why u drive this way

You scowl at me it’s a sexy sight
Then I scream at you watch out red light
The brakes screech as you come to a halt
Then turn to me saying that was my entire fault

Turn left up here and stop I want to drive
To my friends house I want to stay alive
Don’t forget to indicate I hear myself say
So other drivers know your going that way

Lights change and you stall the engine
And then you do the final sin
You get out of the car and walk away
Ill never forget that moment to this day

I move across to the driver’s side
All my embarrassment I try to hide
From all the angry drivers behind
And then the car keys I try and find

You took them when you left the car
I’m going to have to push glad its not far
A lesson learned I know this to be true
When you’re driving never anger you

Answer 1

Ok, here's a few points. The poem itself is funny and works well but you need to look at your punctuation and make it work with the poem to enhance what you're saying. First, line 2 I'd use 'the' instead of 'that' just because it's a bit easier to say when reading the poem out loud. Line 3 I'd put a dash between 'you' and 'slow' as a way of introducing speech and making the reader pause. You could use a colon but I prefer a dash - it's personal though so remember, whatever comment I make, you need to decide what you think works and what compliments what you want to say. I'd do the same for line 6. You don't need exclamation maks then as the pause emphasises the words. I'd like to see a comma line 5 after 'me'. Line 8 might benefit if you lose 'entire' as the line is disproportinately long - too many syllables. However, you could alter my to your to make direct speech and then keep the exact words and I think it would sound good. Line 9, again, a pause after 'stop'. Comma after 'house' on the next line. Line 12, your = you're. Line 13 - lose 'and' and use a comma instead. Line14 - I'd lose 'do the'. Line 15 - I'd cut out 'of the car'. Line 18 - cut out 'All my'. Line 19 - From angry drivers waiting (?) tooting (?) behind. I'd use try to find instead of try and find because I like the sound of the 't' at the beginning of both words. I'll have to push instead of I'm going to have to push. Hope you don't think all the punctuation stuff is fussy. If you leave the punctuation out of a poem you should have good reason for doing so. The punctuation is a tool just the same as the words. I enjoyed reading this and the comments I've made are not intended to alter your poem but hopefully help it. You may feel you like it as it is. Whatever people on here say, it is your poem. Remember to read it aloud as you edit. It will help to hear the sound.

Answer 2

some lines have too many words
turn left up her and stop i want to drive
try"stop up here i want to drive"
so it flows better, try it on a few others
other then that it is a good poem!:)

Answer 3

you have a couple of teachers there steve good one 10/10

Answer 4

very good 10/10

Answer 5

Hehe i like it.

Answer 6

that's a good one. love it!

Answer 7

well done very good

Answer 8

SHOULD APPLY TO TAXI DRIVERS

Answer 9

haha. i like it. nicely done

Answer 10

Very well done!!