Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

do you ever...

1) look every where around the house for the remote instead of pushing the button on the t.v??

2) dress up in nice clothes on a rainy day just to look good even though the clothes your wearing dont cover most of your body, but the only thing that mattters to you is your look..??

3) get mad at someone because either
1. they are better at you at something
2. nicer looking than you
3. know something you dont or
4. they have the easy life...e.g. rich, have the cool friends, brainy, good looking ect

DONT EVER...

1) send a picture to someone and say to them that you look ugly in that photo because if you really thought that then you wouldnt have sent it...!?

2) dont ask someone why theyre not txtn(e-mail ect)you when they have already said they dont like you... get over it and accept your not going to be friends or more with that person..

3) judge someone by what they look like because for all you know they could be better than you...!!

2007-01-13 14:00:49 · 15 answers · asked by ChiKeTa G 1

For some reason some questions i go to are talking about Dingleberries
Im guessing they are some crude thing
And im guessing it is an American word
So what is it

2007-01-13 13:51:40 · 10 answers · asked by mary L 4

A rooster stands on the roof facing north to south, which way would an egg laid by the rooster fall?

2007-01-13 13:47:06 · 8 answers · asked by RENEGADE. 3

If you get either ill give you 10 points!
what is black and white and read all over?
what can go up a chimney down but cant go down a chimney up?

2007-01-13 13:15:17 · 19 answers · asked by akira 1

If you get either ill give you 10 points!
what is black and white and read all over?
what can go up a chimney down but cant go down a chimney up?

2007-01-13 13:14:59 · 27 answers · asked by akira 1

WELL SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME IT STARTZ LIKE THIS. IN DA NITE I WOKED UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NITE AND SINCE I SLE[T NXT TO DA WINDOW I WATCHED OUTSIDE ND SAW A STANGE THIN CAN U GUESS WUTV IT IS? ND WUT HAPPEN 2 U?

2007-01-13 13:11:06 · 15 answers · asked by cesar30701 2

2007-01-13 13:00:46 · 3 answers · asked by lozzi_pop22 4

2007-01-13 13:00:01 · 17 answers · asked by sam s 1

at a conference on the supernatural, one of the speakers asked, "Who here has ever seen a ghost?" Most of the hands go up. "And how many of you have had some form of interaction with a ghost?" About half the hands stay up. "OK, now how many of you have had physical contact with a ghost?" Three hands stay up; there's a slight murmur in the crowd. "Gosh, that's pretty good. OK, have any of you ever, uh, been intimate with a ghost?" One hand stays up. The speaker blinks. "Gosh, sir, are you telling us that you've actually had sexual contact with a ghost?"

The guy with his hand up suddenly blushes and says, "Oh, I'm sorry, I thought you said "goat'."

Keep smilin'.

2007-01-13 12:59:02 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a beaker (like we do have in Chemistry labs, ok). Now this beaker is filled with a cola soft drink (like Coke, Pepsi or any other concentrated soft drink). The beaker is filled 3/4 the of its total capacity.
One can easily see bubbles arising out of that fizzy drink. And the word "THERAPY" is written on the outside wall of that cylindrical beaker.
CLUE: The owner avoids taking drugs to cure illnesses!

Now you have to tell me what am I talking about. I have given more than enough clues to you guys. Now go get the extra 11 points!

2007-01-13 12:55:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

you can see me, you can touch me, but u can't hurt me .....

2007-01-13 12:54:02 · 8 answers · asked by anuxephon 1

? Like, most questions on this site are worthwhile (including this one) in a SERIOUS way; why the frig can't people accept that some are worthwhile because they are FUNNY?? Some guy recently asked a question that said he kept his wife chained to the washing machine. There were like 1/5 of the people on the site say (In CAPITALS, no less) REPORTED!... Wow, you're some vigilante. Well done you moron. Thanks for missing the point. If you don't like the joke, then move one for god's sake! Then this guy asked if b/c of the 2 recent stingray fatalities, if stingrays were attacking humans (like a war...) Duh no, he wanted to hear funny answers! A couple reported him (for what I dunno nothing he described was remotely illegal or profane) and half were taking him serious and patronizing him, saying he doesn't know anything and its ignorance like this that's appalling.

We know. We're joking. That's all. We don't need you, this site doesn't need you, YOU need to leave. Let us have fun.

2007-01-13 12:50:48 · 3 answers · asked by ergonomia 2

If you're in a glass box and your chalkboard at your all high school falls down, what would you call a hat found by a street?













































'Cause 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!

2007-01-13 12:50:29 · 11 answers · asked by Dashiznit 1

about a Captain in the foreign legion who was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men’s barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?".

The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel."

The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL"

The sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters.

The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the men do it?"

The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town.

2007-01-13 12:49:03 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

this an old one I heard it in bars, in those days, and it comes in email, every once in a while, this what I wewemba!

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

If it wasn't for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't fawking let that happen, can you?

It goes a guy sees a well dressed man in a bar says, "Are you a lawyer?"

The man says, "Yes I am"

Guy says, "How much do you charge for answering questions?"

Man say's, "I get $200 for 3 question!"

Guy scratches his head and says, "That's a little high but okay I really need help with this!"

Man tells him "okay you got one question left!" LMFAO

http://www.willyblues.com/

2007-01-13 12:43:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

a horse died, there are 2 stables near by,one is 1 mile away and the other is 1.5 miles away, which stable could the horse get to the fastest in need of medical attention..??

2007-01-13 12:39:26 · 10 answers · asked by ChiKeTa G 1

A black man wearing long sleeve black shirt, long black pants, black gloves, black socks, black shoes, and a black ski mask is walking down an empty black road with no paint. He is in a city where everything is black. The street lamps are off and there is no light coming from any of the buildings. A black car without headlights on is speeding down the road, but manages to stop before it hit the man. How did the person in the vehicle manage to stop?

There was no sound either, the man didn't scream or anything

2007-01-13 12:32:29 · 11 answers · asked by Konrad 6

the teacher walked to the blackboard, she noticed someone had written the word 'PENIS' in tiny letters. She turned around and scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it and began class.

The next day, she went into the room, she noticed in large letters the word 'PENIS' again; this time written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's larger than the previous one. Finally one day, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words:

"The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."

2007-01-13 12:26:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

More of a meditation than a riddle...

2007-01-13 12:17:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-13 12:17:43 · 6 answers · asked by wanda k 1

Two dictators, Saddam Hussein and Milosovich are arguing about who has done what:
Hussein says to Milosovich:
"Killing, Ethnic Clensing, Gassing, all my ideas you've stolen in the last 10 years, if you can't think of your own ideas, don't steal mine!"

2007-01-13 12:17:03 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

compare and contrast metric and standard.
wat are the units of metric system??

omg. help! :o

2007-01-13 12:15:12 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-13 12:13:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

I saw him the other day and he said hi lol

2007-01-13 12:13:49 · 4 answers · asked by baseballmetsyankees 1

which of them won?

2007-01-13 12:12:50 · 4 answers · asked by Grington 2

that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand
at the side of the pool and throw fish at them?

Keep smilin'.

2007-01-13 12:12:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

i was once in a sales meeting when the trainer said there is no such thing as a dead certainty i said under my breath bollocks the trainer said "who said that and explain your self" i said you go for a nice meal with a 19 year old lap dancer as you are driving through town in your jag, you stop at the all night chemist and with one hand on her knee say i just nipping in here for a big packet of condoms and if she is still there when you get back thats a dead cert!!!

2007-01-13 12:08:57 · 3 answers · asked by John C 1

if i sold my teacher's lungs in the black market and he is a big man
and he eats alot of 5 year olds, how many disney fun money will i make

2007-01-13 12:08:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

I got this question as a text message to my phone from someone I don't know. If there is an answer I would like to know.

2007-01-13 12:07:55 · 20 answers · asked by bradleyscottpage 1

What's wet and dry at the same time?

2007-01-13 12:06:59 · 9 answers · asked by Nick 3