Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

So a guy walks into a bar and makes a bet with the bartender.Guy says:"i bet u i can pee in that can over there without having one drop on the floor for $1,000".So the bartender accepts the bet.So the guy pees all over the bar,on the stools,on the pool tables EVERYWHERE even on the bartender.So the bartender wins $1,000.So the bartender sees the guy laughing and asks him:"why are u laughing u just lost $1,000?".And the guy says:"u see those 3 guys over there i bet each of them $1,000 that i could pee all over in ur bar!"

2007-01-13 12:05:17 · 19 answers · asked by Nick 3

Keep smilin'.

2007-01-13 12:02:51 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

They only think they are.

Keep smilin'.

2007-01-13 12:00:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

can you please tell me your genuine thoughts on this peom please, please no nastyness just honesty


Photo booth

Four pounds fifty I must be mad
But a passport must be had
To go to Spain to have some fun
So I need this picture it must be done

You sit upon the seat and close the blind
Four pounds fifty in change I must find
You hope Ur hair looks just right
You don’t want the photo to look a sight

You need to adjust the seat you frown
And then you realise the seat wont go down
I'm to tall my heads not in the frame
This isn’t right I’m not playing a game

You twist and turn with all your might
The stupid chair you begin to fight
One last try you twist with a frown
Fantastic it’s going down

You sit and smile this is great
I bet I look better than my mate
A flash a whirl all is complete
And thankfully you rise to your feet

You tap you feet as you stand and wait
Doesn’t this machine know I’m going to be late?
How much longer four minutes it says
No wonder mum said patience pays

There’s a click a tick and a few low hums
Then a shudder and out the pictures comes
Thank goodness for that you say with relief
Then realise you have something in your teeth

2007-01-13 11:59:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you solve this? It's a little game.


you will be answering the Two questions following this short story.

Ariel swam up to the old chest and tugged on the hatch. The chest flipped open and two necklaces came out. One had a picture of a girl and the other of a man-like-wolf. Ariel was confused and showed it to Flounder. Flounder suggested asking Trition. Ariel asked her dad. Istantly, her dad shot the necklaces and the the fell to the ground into 6 pieces each. Ariel found 3 or the six pieces.
-----
What disney movie was represented on the necklaces? Ariel found 3/6 of the pieces, what other fraction could Areil have used, but it meant the same thing?

2007-01-13 11:59:13 · 6 answers · asked by BabyGirl 1

I know that Gunsmoke lasted for 20 years,but what is the oldest show ever?

2007-01-13 11:48:18 · 6 answers · asked by shayinplay 2

they both get smoked in bowls!!!!



hahahahhahhaha aint that a good one..

2007-01-13 11:44:41 · 10 answers · asked by Someonetolove 2

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

2007-01-13 11:44:38 · 42 answers · asked by Claudia C 2

2007-01-13 11:42:01 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

hi there answer this super EASY riddle please!!

i'm at the and of the point and i don't make mistakes I fix yours....

2007-01-13 11:39:21 · 13 answers · asked by VαliciαMαяiαh™ 2

Asif

2007-01-13 11:36:37 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin."

The husband being shocked, replied, "How's this possible? You've been married three times before."

The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

2007-01-13 11:31:50 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

............




ill com back to see if any one gets it??

2007-01-13 11:29:09 · 4 answers · asked by Someonetolove 2

There are three people in a room. All is gone, how many people are left?

correct answer is not zero

2007-01-13 11:24:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?

Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.

Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!

Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.

2007-01-13 11:23:18 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

well, me and a friend really hate this girl because she's stuck up and thinks she can get whatever she wants, so we're gonna spray some skunk spray in her locker so her backpack and things will smell for weeks! so my question is... i think some of that stuff is at tractor supply, but do you know how much it is and how big of cans do they have? and also, do you think this is a funny prank? (we're doing it after school so we dont get caught) and please no mean jokes. they're really annoying.

2007-01-13 11:21:43 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man calls his boss one morning and says, "Boss, I can't make it to work today. I have a headache, stomach ache, and my legs hurt."

The boss says, "You know something? I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and ask for sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. Try it!"

Two hours later the man calls the boss and says, "I did what you said, Boss, and I feel great! I'll be right in to work! And by the way, you have a nice house!"

2007-01-13 11:08:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Paddy and Murphy were off on holiday in a plane(no not the air -lingus one with outside toilets!) When an announcement came over the tannoy...." This is your captain speaking, I'm afraid engine #1 has fallen off but there is no reason to be alarmed it only means we'll be an hour late. A few hundred miles further on,another announcement.." This is your captain again, engine #2 has fallen off but don't worry we'll only be 3 hours late. Later on yet another announcement " I'm sorry to tell you that engine #3 has fallen off but it will only delay us by 5 hours.
Paddy turns to Murphy and says :" Sure, I hope that last engine won't fall off...we'll be up here all day!!"

2007-01-13 11:06:43 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man on a pushbike is traverling at 15mph towards a level crossing a train is traverling at 60mph towards the level crossing.
OK so far both the man and the train are 6ft away from the crossing and none of them stop, Question ...Does the man get across?

2007-01-13 11:02:46 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jamaica?
No, it was her choice.

2007-01-13 11:01:04 · 17 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

im really upset, so the person to cheer me up the best gets 10 points :]
- thanks.

2007-01-13 10:58:20 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. a man couldn't go home because a man with a mask was at home...why couldnt he go home? --like what was he doing?
(and no the answer is not "bc the man with the mask was there")

2. a man went to work. when he was outside his office building he got to his car. all of a sudden...the man was shot and killed. --the windows were up...the doors where locked & he had his seatbealt on...how did he get shot?
(no the answer is not "with a gun")

3. what ends everything?

4.a man lived on the 7th story of the apartment building. on sunny days the man had to walk up all 7 stories to get home...but on rainy days he used the elavator to get to his story.
-why did he have to walk up on sunny days and take the elavator on rainy days?

5. cleopatra and sean were found dead. the only things at the crimes scene were:
-a broken bowl-the bodies of cleopatra and sean
-water
-and a table
hint: no one else was in the room at the time
-->how did they die?

2007-01-13 10:56:19 · 18 answers · asked by fhislove26 1

-My friends gone mad in Venezuela
-Caracas ?
-Yes, absolutely loopy

2007-01-13 10:45:24 · 13 answers · asked by Jack 2

Post jokes, riddles, brain teasers, and other mind-bending things!

2007-01-13 10:43:22 · 7 answers · asked by Joanne M 2

-My wife went on a sailing course in Poole
-In Dorset?
-Yes, she recommend it to anyone.

2007-01-13 10:41:41 · 23 answers · asked by Jack 2

what is a one night stand?

2007-01-13 10:37:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

the bus pulled up and the first man asked the driver " Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue," "No i'm sorry" said the driver. The second blonde guy said " Well will it take ME"

2007-01-13 10:35:00 · 30 answers · asked by chris w. 7

her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.

2007-01-13 10:32:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lift his kilt up, if he's got a quarterpounder he's a Macdonald.
Keep smilin'.

2007-01-13 10:31:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

other. "I think he must have his brains between his legs." "Yeah," her friend sighed, "but I'd sure love to blow his mind."

2007-01-13 10:29:31 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous