Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

on the opposite side of the river to a brunette woman.
Hey" shouted the woman to the blonde man, How do i get to the other side"

" You are on the other side" said the blonde man.

Why did the blonde gay guy put lipstick on his forehead


coss he was trying to make up his mind.

2007-01-13 10:24:36 · 18 answers · asked by chris w. 7

the clue is: A newspapaer (3,3)

I know it is not 'the sun' as it says a newspaper

Any ideas?

2007-01-13 10:23:45 · 8 answers · asked by footynutguy 4

-My friend went to a very bad concert in South East Asia
-Singapore?
-Terrible. And the rest of the band sucked too.

2007-01-13 10:22:25 · 12 answers · asked by Jack 2

you are in a room with 2 doors. One door lets you out, the other gets you killed. there are 2 old men in the room one always lies and one always tells the truth, you can only ask one of them one question. What question will you ask to get you out?

2007-01-13 10:22:21 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blonde man goes to have flying lessons and as all the planes were out the owner agreed to instruct him by radio in a solo helicopter.
After 10,000 feet he radio'd in." hey i'm getting the hang of this, its great",
After 20,000 feet he radio'd again saying how easy it was to fly.
After 30,000 feet the instructor began to get worried as he hadn't radio'd in,
A few minutes later he watched in horror as the man crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled him from the wreckage.
"What happened" he asked
I dont know" said the man. "I was going great, higher and higher and i suddenly got cold, I dont remember anything after i turned the fan off."

2007-01-13 10:16:54 · 23 answers · asked by chris w. 7

Why I Fired My Secretary

I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,
"I'm another year older," but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and
shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big
kiss and say, "Happy birthday, dear." All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and
there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one word. So
I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, "Oh well,
she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they
will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me." There I sat, enjoying
my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,
yelling, "Give me a slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going to
miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office.


When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile
and a cheerful "Happy birthday, boss." She then asked if she could get me some
coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better.


Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, "Since
it's your birthday, why don't we have lunch together?" Thinking it would make
me feel better, I said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office, and
since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of town and have
lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place?" So we drove out of
town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and a
nice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, "Why don't
we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini." It sounded like a good
idea, since we didn't have much to do in the office. So we went to her
apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, "If you
will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and she
left the room.


In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big
birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with
nothing on but my socks.................

2007-01-13 10:15:52 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

He says, "Why? Are my eyes bulging?"

2007-01-13 10:13:59 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-13 10:10:55 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

an elephant

2007-01-13 10:10:47 · 8 answers · asked by cumsinbuckets 1

What is the differance between a gay guy and a refrigerator???

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
..
A refrigerator doesnt fart when you take the meat out!
.
.
.get it?.... if not ask a friend.

2007-01-13 10:10:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Rated M for Mature by the way....


2 gay guys are upstairs in their house having sex. All of a suddon a fire breaks out in the other room. Who gets out of the house first??? The guy on top or the guy on bottom?? and why??.
.
.
..
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
.
.
.The guy on bottom....because he already has his sh*t packed!

2007-01-13 10:03:11 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-13 10:03:03 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Thank you, c u m again =)

2007-01-13 10:01:17 · 9 answers · asked by Konrad 6

If I use the capital letter like this C*** most people will know what it means so is that ok to tell a joke using this sort of wording

2007-01-13 10:00:19 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

a blonde guy gets home early from work to find his wife naked on the bed sweating and panting.
"Whats up " he asked. " I'm having a heart attack "she said,
He rushes downstairs to the phone and just as he is dialling his young son rushes up,
" Daddy Daddy uncle Ted is hiding in the wardrobe and he's got no clothes on."
The guy rushes upstairs passed his screaming wife and opens the wardrobe door, sure enough there is his brother Ted.
"You rotton bastard my wife is having a heart attack and you are running round naked scaring the kids".

2007-01-13 09:59:13 · 22 answers · asked by chris w. 7

two older women were walking down the sidewalk,when they came up to this man who had his zipper open and his thing hanging out. when the man finally got near them,they looked up at the man and said,sir your zipper is open and your thing is hanging out.the man looked at them an said,I know,it died and this is the viewing.

2007-01-13 09:54:10 · 27 answers · asked by kaveman15120 4

A man is on his way to the local marketplace to sell a fox, a chicken and some grain. He has to cross a river, and his boat is just big enough to carry him and one of the other three.

When he arrives at the river, he knows he's got a problem. If he leaves the fox and the chicken, the fox eats the chicken. Otherwise, if he leaves the chicken and the grain, the chicken eats the grain.

How does the man get the fox, the chicken and the grain to the other side of the river?

2007-01-13 09:52:28 · 28 answers · asked by me 2

Do any of you ever get really lonely sometimes? What will make you happy?

2007-01-13 09:43:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

So there's my friend Mohan who got married just yesterday (it was an arranged marriage). So when I got to meet him, I asked him a personal question as to how his "first night" went. He replied "We had really good sex, but at the end of it I felt really bad".

I asked him as to what exactly made him feel sad. He said "After we finished having sex, I habitually gave her 1000 bucks!!" Then I consoled him saying that he needs to chill out, sit down and talk to his wife & hopefully she will forgive him for his past misdemeanors and she'll come around. But he said " No, that is not the thing". I asked him "then what was it that really made you sad?"

He replied "As soon I gave her the money, she returned 200 bucks back to me!!!"

2007-01-13 09:38:13 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

I remember a little cartoon in a magazine that showed a naked man and woman sitting on their bed.
The man looked dejected and the woman was livid when she said:
'It's bad enough that you fell asleep in the middle of a fu Opinions please. Anything you have to offer?

2007-01-13 09:35:59 · 17 answers · asked by Mary W 5

2007-01-13 09:33:30 · 18 answers · asked by johanna m 1

It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"

2007-01-13 09:19:24 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yesterday is history, today is a gilf, so tomorrow is .....????

2007-01-13 09:16:34 · 15 answers · asked by lovely1991_dinh 2

Yo momma’s so fat that when she was floatin' in the ocean Spain tried to claim her as the new world.

Yo momma’s so fat she was in the middle of the highway I tried to swerve but ran out of gas.

Yo momma’s so fat when she ordered a waterbed they put a blanket over the ocean.

Yo momma’s so fat my dog bit her and died of high cholesterol.

What do you think of them? ^_^

2007-01-13 09:16:14 · 10 answers · asked by Lyrical Lie 5

so he gives a rub, out pops a genie and grants him three wishes so the man takes it home to think about his wishes.He decides his first wish is to be rich so it is granted.His next wish is to look stunning and again it is granted.Two days later he is looking in the mirror and decides on his last wish he rubs the lamp out pops the genie and the man says "genie i wish for my c#ck to touch the floor" and at that his legs fell off!

2007-01-13 09:15:39 · 18 answers · asked by stu 2

A rooster and a cat are walking togehter along a river when the cat falls into the river. The rooster begings to laugh uncontrolably. Whats the moral?

Where ever there is a wet pussy there is a happy cock.

2007-01-13 09:14:35 · 6 answers · asked by Mr H 1

Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.

Boom boom

2007-01-13 09:04:54 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man was sat at the back of a bus when he saw a women in front of him bringing her elbows behind her back time and time again and saying "I must improve my bust" after about five minutes the man could stand it no more and asked the women what she was doing. She told him she had just come from the Chinese Doctor and had to do the execises to increase her breast size. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The man said thats funny i've just come from there and I have to raise and lower my leg and say. Hickory Dickory dock,, Funny or not?

2007-01-13 09:03:38 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

i really want to hear a funny joke listen to this one what do you think?

there is a bear and a rabbit in the forest (their both male) they come across a genie and each get granted 3 wishes the bear wishes that all the bears in the forest except him were girls the rabbit wishes for a helmet the bear then is thinking the rabbit is stupid for not wishing for money and just buying a helmet. the bears second wish is that all the bears in the neiboring forest were all female. the rabbits second wish is for a new motercycle and once again the bear is thinking he is stupid for not wishing for money and just buying a motercycle. the bears third wish is that all the bears in the world except him are female. the bear could not wait to hear the dumb wish the rabbit was about to make the rabbit then says i wish the bear was gay.

2007-01-13 09:02:45 · 27 answers · asked by Cait G 1

A man was drowning in a river. A boat came and teh guy asked him " do you need any help" No said the guy god will save me. So the guy was still drowning. Then anothe rboat came. The captain asked do you need help. No said the guy god will save me. Finally the guy died. The he went to heavena d asked god,"why didn't you save me"
I sent two boats to save you what did you expect!!!

2007-01-13 08:56:57 · 11 answers · asked by Josselinne G 1