Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

2007-01-13 05:11:07 · 6 answers · asked by Bud's Girl 6

steps here."
The second drunk says, "I'll tell you what's worse, this hand rail is bloody low down"

2007-01-13 04:49:40 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

10 points for the first one she laughs about...:-)

2007-01-13 04:46:56 · 24 answers · asked by wild_pig_is_playing_now 3

thanks 4 tha help
P.S write back soon

2007-01-13 04:44:44 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

first?

2007-01-13 04:44:32 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-13 04:36:23 · 20 answers · asked by desichic 1

2007-01-13 04:32:59 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, 'We only have one rule here in heaven .. don't step on the ducks.'
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw. St. Peter chains them together and says, 'Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!'
The next day, the second woman accidentally steps on a duck, and along
comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same punishment as the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps. She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, tanned, muscular, and with good hair. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The woman remarks, 'I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?' And the guy says, 'Well, I don't know what you did, but I stepped on a duck.'

2007-01-13 04:28:32 · 18 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

Once upon a time, there were 3 freinds who found Alladin's lamp and, after that the Genie asked them, " What are your wishes, my master?"
The first one said, " make me the president of USA"
The Genie granted his wish & he disappeared.
The second one said," make me the president of Russia"
The Genie granted his wish & he disappeared.
The third one was hillybilly and said, " Well, its getting dark and my house is quite far, I want both of them back as my company"
The Genie granted this one and both of his freinds returned!

2007-01-13 04:27:13 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"
"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."
In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.
"Jesus!", Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.
"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister. Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs. Jones.
"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.
"Right again," said the minister, smiling. Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again.
The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"
Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up you’re A*se!"
"Amen," replied the congregation.

2007-01-13 04:16:04 · 41 answers · asked by a 1

Gonorrhea. You can get rid of gonorrhea.

2007-01-13 04:12:07 · 4 answers · asked by hottie_spaniard 2

2007-01-13 04:10:08 · 6 answers · asked by sandras77 4

2007-01-13 04:05:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

mr ducks
mr knott
osar
cm wangs
LIB

2007-01-13 04:04:16 · 7 answers · asked by Amaya T 2

NONE! Ice cream doesn't have bones!

2007-01-13 03:54:42 · 7 answers · asked by @#%^& 2

Don't tell me really bad jokes. The most hilarious joke gets best answer!

2007-01-13 03:52:57 · 11 answers · asked by - 3

You can either:
a) Gain 50% of your beauty but lose 50% of your intelliegence
or..
b) Gain 50% of your intelligence but lose 50% of your looks
??

Remember, if you rated yourself as a 7 that would take you right down to well below average at a meesly 3.5!!

2007-01-13 03:38:01 · 33 answers · asked by tbenito 1

sorry, it was after friday night out, and guess who had half a pint to many?

2007-01-13 03:34:29 · 32 answers · asked by qwerty 3

three people in turn buy half of what quantity he has plus half an egg, then he has none left. how many eggs did he begin with.

2007-01-13 03:32:25 · 13 answers · asked by Kenny 1

It is between 20 and 90 you get six tries first one to get it wins!

2007-01-13 03:31:19 · 19 answers · asked by Michelly4you 3

I'm quite familiar with many toungue twisters in the english language, but I'm curious to know if others are aware of toungue twisters in other languages, or is this simply an interesting tidbit of the english language? I'm familiar with french though I never learned any french toungue twisters. I'm able to read english, spanish, french, italian, and german, (and hebrew when the vowels are written) though I can only speak english with native fluency and french with low-to-moderate fluency.

2007-01-13 03:26:02 · 7 answers · asked by G A 5

At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
When you said you had 10 inches,
Lord I almost died,
But I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long,
That I grew strong, And I knew that I could take you on. . .

But there you are,
Another lie,
I was ready for a big mac and you've bought me a French fry, I
should have known that it was bullsh*t, Just a sad pathetic
dream, Should have known there was no anaconda lurking in those
jeans.

Go on now go,
Walk out the door,
Don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4, Weren't
you a prat to think that I wouldn't catch you out, Don't you
know we're only joking when we say size doesn't count.

(Chorus)

I will survive, I will survive,
Cos as long as I have batteries,
My sex life is gonna thrive,
I will always have good sex, with a handful of latex,
I will survive, I will survive. . .hey . hey

It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
When I saw your little weiner standing tall and proud, But to
hell with all your ego's and to hell with all your needs, Now
I'm saving all my lovin for a cordless multispeed,

Go on now go,
Just hit the track,
Don't you bring me home no tiddlers,
Cos I'll always throw them back,
The only thing that I could do with a prick as small as yours,
Is to stick it with a tooth pick and dip it in tomato sauce.

Go on now Go!

2007-01-13 03:19:45 · 20 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

NOT including the one about two nuns in the bath (You know, "Where's the soap? Yes it does rather").

2007-01-13 03:15:55 · 11 answers · asked by Athene1710 4

2007-01-13 03:15:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

HEEHEEEHAHA There were three men in a plane HEEHEEHAHA and there were only HEEHEEHAHA two parachutes HEEHA. The
engines HEEHA stopped and one bloke HEEHEEHAHAHEEHEEH EEHEEEHAAAAHEEEEE.............oh dear I can't go on, I'll be alright in a minute HEEHEE

2007-01-13 03:13:06 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Su Wong married Lee Wong. The next year the Wongs have a baby.
The nurse brings over a lovely healthy bouncy but definitely caucasian white baby boy. " congratulations " says the nurse to the new parents. " and so tell us Mr Wong what will you and Mrs Wong name the baby ?"
Puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, " well two Wongs don't make a white, so I tink we will call him ..
Wait for it


Wait


Wait



Wait


"Sum Ting Wong ".

2007-01-13 03:11:54 · 18 answers · asked by toietmoi 6

alcohol doesn't solve problems but then again neither does milk.

Does the career advice " come early on your first day" apply in the porn business.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be overjoyed.

if you get them by the b.alls, their hearts and minds will follow.

i hate sex in the movies...i tried it once, the seat folded up and the drink spilled

When the toilet paper of experience is depleted the a.ss of reason goes unwiped.

2007-01-13 02:55:51 · 16 answers · asked by chris w. 7

There was I, walking down a pedestrian pathway, children playing, towards a kneehigh closed cardboard box, in the middle of a pedestrian crossroads. Looking at the box till I was right on top of it,then up jumped a child with a loud YAHH from the box. JACKINTHEBOX. I jumped out of my skin,looked around, the children were 'filming' with cellphones, I was laughing for about ten minutes. I don't know any ot them.

2007-01-13 02:45:12 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

okay, well i hang out at a local hang out and all these ppl start askin me for money , they do it 2 everybody! i always say no! but i wanna say a good comeback! does anybody have any good ideas??

2007-01-13 02:43:54 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Petpet Supplies shop is 655 metres from the Smoothie Store, 393 Metres from the Defence Magic shop, and 314 metres from the Grooming Parlour. The Defence Magic shop is 236 metres from the Grooming Parlour and 524 metres from the Smoothie Store.

Assuming the distance between the Grooming Parlour and the Smoothie Store is less than the distance between the Petpet Supplies shop and the Smoothie Store, what is the distance between the Grooming Parlour and the Smoothie Store? Please round to the nearest metre.

2007-01-13 02:33:04 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous