If you are riding up stream in a canoe, how many pancakes fit in a dog house?

Question

NONE! Ice cream doesn't have bones!

Answer 1

Wrong.

The answer is fourteen ice-cubes worth.

Answer 2

I thought it was 28, because nickels can't dance in France!

Answer 3

You got me! Ha, I get that one wrong all the time

Answer 4

here I thought it was 78 pancakes.
Damn
foiled again!

Answer 5

I really like that one, it breaks me up because it's so my world. It kind of explains everything to me somehow and that strikes me as reall funny and strange too. I guess inside I must make marilyn mason look tame and i never even knew it until now. I got a good one, but I think it's true and little long, I'll see if it fits.
SUBJECT: Have a nice day. (Off the internet)

Whenever you have a really bad day, and feel you just need to take it out on someone, STOP! Don't take that bad day out on someone you KNOW, take it out on someone you DON'T know!

Now, get this. I needed to call a friend and tried dialing the number from memory. A man answered nicely saying, "hello!" I politely said, "This is Patrick Hamifin, could I please speak to Robin Carter? The phone was slammed down in my ear! I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I looked up Robin's correct number and dialed her. I had transposed the last two digits.

After I hung up with Robin, I decided to dial the "wrong" number again. The same person answered. I yelled, "You're a jackass" and hung up. I wrote down the number and the word "jackass." I put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, while paying bills, or after a really bad day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell, "You're a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year, the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me. I thought I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then, one day I had an idea. I dialed his number. "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company, "I'm just calling to see if you're famiar with our caller ID program?" He said, "No!", and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!" (Keep reading. It gets better!)

An old lady at the mall was taking her time, pulling out of her parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to leave. When she finally did pull out, I began to move forward.

All of a sudden this black camaro came flying up the parking aisle in the wrong direction and whips into MY space. I started honking my horn and yelling. "You can't just do that, I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro, completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't even hear me. I thought to myself, "This guy's a jackass. There sure are a lot of jackassess in this world."

I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number, then hunted for another place to park.

A week later, I had a really bad day. I made my usual jackass call. (It's really easy to call him now, since I have his number on speed dial.) Then, I remembered the guy with the black camoro. I found his number in my wallet and thought I'd better call this guy, too.

After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello." I said" Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" "Yes, it is." Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the car is parked right out front."

What's your name," I asked. "My name is Don Hanson." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" "I'm home in the evenings." "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Sure." "Don, you're a jackass!" I slammed the phone down.

After I hung up I added Don Hansen"s number to my speed dial. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now, when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. After several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution.

First, I called Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello."
I yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said. "NO!" He said, "What's your name, pal?" I said, Don Hansen." He said, Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th St. It's a yellow house and my black Camaro is parked out front." "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like I'm really scared, jackass!" I hung up!

Then, I called jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, jackass!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." "You'll what?" "I'll kick your ***," he said. "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now, jackass!"

I hung up and, then, picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th St. and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home. Another quick call to Channel 13 with the same story.

After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th St. to watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching two jackasses kicking the heck out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a Channel 13 news helicopter!

It was one of the greatest experiences of my life! "Have a nice day, jackasses", I thought to myself as I drove away!

Answer 6

There is no late fee.

Answer 7

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