Jokes & Riddles - January 2007

so the dishwasher matches the refridgerator

2007-01-12 15:56:13 · 7 answers · asked by mnfarmer61 1

2007-01-12 15:54:17 · 6 answers · asked by mores m 1

im looking for really good slumber party jokes to play on 9 and 10 year olds, im older, and don't just say classic ones plz!

2007-01-12 15:51:25 · 17 answers · asked by danamichelle 1

you smash, the poop in your right hand and a wish in the left, together.

2007-01-12 15:44:47 · 32 answers · asked by Ericqua 4

a husband comes home from the bar with a sheep under his arm ,walks into the bedroom turns on the light and says heres the pig ive been sleeping with ,the wife wakes up and says thats a sheep you idiot ,husbands say--i wasnt talking to you

2007-01-12 15:40:35 · 25 answers · asked by mnfarmer61 1

there is a man lieing dead in a little house with no windows or doors. there is nothing in the little house but the dead man and a puddle of bluddy water. What Happend??????????????

2007-01-12 15:35:34 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde girl walked into FutureShop and told the clerk "I want to buy this T . V ."
the clerk replyed "We donot sell to blondes". so the girl walked home and put on a black wig, returned to the shop and asked the clerk "I want to buy this T . V ." he said "We do not sell to blondes".
the girl then said "How do u know im blonde?"
then he responded "Cuz thats a microwave, not a T . V ."

2007-01-12 15:31:42 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here's a logic one for ya....

What number comes next 4,0,3,1,0,1?

2007-01-12 15:30:14 · 5 answers · asked by operaphantom2003 4

A cop stops a car for traveling faster

than the posted speed limit.

So he asks the man his name.
"Fred," he replies.

"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred," the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the
fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays
along with it.

"Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me."


"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name.
The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself,
studied hard, and got good grades.

When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I
went through college, medical school, internship, residency,
and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."

"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go
back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way
through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling,
MD, DDS."

"Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with

my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling,

MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD.

Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS
because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as
Fred Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am just Fred."

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

2007-01-12 15:18:58 · 6 answers · asked by Debontheweb 1

Im we todd did
Im sofa king we todd did.

2007-01-12 15:18:56 · 15 answers · asked by saleniamcquaig 2

Sugar is sweet and so is ___________________?

2007-01-12 15:16:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please give your answer and an explanation.

2007-01-12 15:10:08 · 30 answers · asked by johanna m 1

Tickle it's Citrus. It's much funnier with an english accent, as we pronounce citrus (sit-ter-rus), much like you pronounce clitoris.

2007-01-12 15:07:17 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 15:01:32 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

"you killed that joke faster than ________ killed ________!

i feel like a good joke so....

best line wins!

2007-01-12 14:55:00 · 25 answers · asked by . 2

ok, there was a farmer, and he decided he wanted a rooster for his farm. he went and bought a rooster and when brought the rooster home, he realized that the rooster was incredibly horny. the next few days it tried to have sex with everything, all the hens, the horses, and finally, the farmer caught it trying to have sex with a cow.he took the rooster and put it in a cage for two days and told it that if it kept this behavior up that it would end up killing itself. he let it go after its 2 days punishment, and it seemed to be better. there werent anymore disturbances for the next couple of days, however, the farmer noticed that there were a few vultures circling over one of his fields. puzzled, he went out there to figure out why they were circling. he found the rooster lying in the middle of the field on its back. he bent down and said "i told you that you woulod end up killing yourself one of these days". the rooster then opens an eye and replies "shut up! they're coming in closer!"

2007-01-12 14:40:41 · 20 answers · asked by mdrieber00013 3

...and he goes home, delusional, late at night. He woke up the next morning in bed, not knowing what had happened the previous night. His wife wasn't in bed with him, so he got up to find her.

She was in the kitchen, minding something that was sizzling on the stove. Finding himself hungry, the man walked in and looked into the skillet to see what she was making...and saw one of his old gym socks burning. "What are you doing?!" he asked.

"Just doing what you asked me to do when you got home last night," his wife said without looking up.

The man was puzzled. "I don't recall asking you to cook my sock..."

2007-01-12 14:40:01 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

They have not flesh, nor fingers, nor bone. And yet they have fingers and thumbs of their own. What are they?

2007-01-12 14:31:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 14:30:56 · 43 answers · asked by Norskeyenta 6

You might be an Idaho Redneck if you keep several large dogs in your yard, and still go out and roll a snowman!!!

Funny or no??

2007-01-12 14:29:30 · 15 answers · asked by Lamron 2

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.


He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes... how did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they're done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?"

"I Didn't feel a thing!"

2007-01-12 14:21:41 · 14 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

A russian, a Jamaican, an american and a mexican found themselves on a rafting expedition. as they paddled down river, the russian opened a bottle of vodka, took a few gulps and tossed it overboard. the stunned american said, "what did you do that for?" the russian explained," in my country, we have so much vodka, we can afford to waste it.
a bit later the jamaican lit up a huge joint, took a few puffs and tossed it over the side. "Hey, thats stuff's expensive" said the american. "Weed grows so abundantly in my country, we can afford to waste it." said the jamaican.
The american sat back and thought hard for a while. then he stood up and threw the mexican into the river.

2007-01-12 14:11:54 · 27 answers · asked by LED ZEP66 2

I already posted this in polls and surveys, but they're just a bunch of snoty intellectuals. Now it's your turn. I'm hoping that hot chocolate is on here. She rocks.

A rocketship went to the moon
On board was a hairy baboon
The vehicle crash landed
The creature was stranded
And ran out of air pretty soon

2007-01-12 13:49:17 · 16 answers · asked by Dr Know It All 5

2007-01-12 13:44:02 · 3 answers · asked by maddielexi4 2

what is greater then god meaner then the devil what do rich people need what do poor people have and if you eat it you die

2007-01-12 13:42:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Somebody has stolen a precious diamond. Under suspicion are Susan, Angel, Norah, Smith and Tonya. One of them is definitely guilty. Look carefully. Eventually you can find the answer. It is very easy. Too easy for some people as always.

????? STOLE IT.

the thief will certainly get the 'capital punishment' as the diamond is very expensive and rare.

2007-01-12 13:38:06 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A PIECE OF WHEAT BREAD AND SLAPPING ON SOME BLACKBERRY JELLY! LOL!!!!!

2007-01-12 13:29:50 · 25 answers · asked by Trista♥ 2

LOVE RIDDLE
Ask your Love to solve the following riddle:

I am just two and two
I am warm, I am cold,
I am lawful, unlawful
A duty, a fault
I am often sold dear,
Good for nothing when bought;
An extraordinary boon,
and a matter of course,
and yielding with pleasure
When taken by force.

( If your Love solves it, ask for a demonstration as proof. )






If he or she cannot show the answer, of course, the answer is
A KISS

2007-01-12 13:23:03 · 22 answers · asked by Dharshi 2

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said,"If I can write your exact weight on this peice of paper, then you must pay me $50, but if I cannot, then I will pay you $50."

The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agreed, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less.

In the end, the boy payed the man $50. How did the man win the bet?

2007-01-12 13:17:43 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-01-12 13:17:06 · 7 answers · asked by Double O 6