Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

A policeman is strolling down the street one day and enters his favorite diner as he does every day. He orders two doughnuts and a cup of coffee to go, pays his $3.50 and leaves. No sooner does he take 20 paces does he hear someone scream "NO, SCOTT! NOT THE GUN!" The sound of a single gunshot resounds throughout the area and the cop rushes back inside. Within he finds a freshly murdered body, a construction worker, a milkman, a football player, a lawyer, and a discarded, smoking pistol. Without a hint of hesitation, the policeman slaps a pair of bracelets on the murderer and calls for the paddywagon. Who was arrested and how did the policeman know he had arrested the correct suspect?

2006-12-03 17:29:49 · 5 answers · asked by Basti 3

YOU ARE GIVEN NINE TOOTHPICKS. HOW WOULD YOU GO ABOUT TURNING THOSE NINE TOOTHPICKS INTO TEN? BREAKING THEM IN HALF DOESN'T COUNT AND BRINGING IN ANOTHER TOOTHPICK IS JUST CHEATING.

2006-12-03 17:20:06 · 3 answers · asked by Basti 3

Once a man went to a hotel to get the parcel he had ordered for. The hotel Owner asked him"Everyday you come and order a food parcel.For that you can eat here itself."For this the man replied"The doctor said that I should not eat hotel food"

2006-12-03 16:45:12 · 27 answers · asked by sweety 2

four men : Aaron, barry, colin, david
four women : marie, norma, olive, pearl
are attending a wedding.

* one of the four men married one of the women
* if aaron did not get married, then marie did not get married, then olive got married.
* if aaron did not get married, and if norma did not get married, then barry got married.
* if barry did not get married, olive did not get married, then colin got married
* if colin did not get married then norma did not get married, then marie got married.

Who got married?

2006-12-03 16:22:11 · 7 answers · asked by krlional_robin 2

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"

She replied, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."

"No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

"It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responded.

"I mean," he continued, "What are your relations like?"

"I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."

He said, "Do you have a real grudge?"

"No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."

"Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

"Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes."

"Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"

"Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do."

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"

2006-12-03 16:14:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-03 16:10:49 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Women think they already know everything, but wait, training courses are now available for women on several subjects, including...

1. Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before

2. The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits

3. Parties: Going Without New Outfits

4. Man Management: Minor Household Chores Can Wait Till After The Game

5. Bathroom Etiquette I: Men Need Space in the Bathroom Cabinet Too.

6. Bathroom Etiquette II: His Razor is His

7. Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First.

8. Communication Skills II: Thinking Before Speaking

9. Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging

10. Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire

11. Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up

12. Introduction to Parking

13. Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space

14. Water Retention: Fact or Fat

15. Cooking I: Bringing Back Bacon, Eggs and Butter

16. Cooking II: Bran and Tofu are Not for Human Consumption

17. Cooking III: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People

18. Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully

19. PMS: Your Problem ... Not His

20. Dancing: Why Men Don't Like To

21. Classic Clothing: Wearing Outfits You Already Have

22. Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice

23. Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together

24. Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both

25. TV Remotes: For Men Only

2006-12-03 16:09:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-12-03 16:01:59 · 12 answers · asked by juju-b 1

when you have an answer to your question (uk)a nice lookin blonde chick stares at her pink box !!!!!!
what do you think is in it ?????????

2006-12-03 15:59:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

think for a minute then scroll down













SPARKY!!!!

2006-12-03 15:53:11 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

think for a second then scroll down




























HAAAAAY!!!

2006-12-03 15:47:49 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'll post da answer in 15 min.

2006-12-03 15:46:33 · 9 answers · asked by zoman1 1

2006-12-03 15:33:44 · 10 answers · asked by zoman1 1

there are 2 blondes. 1 standing on either side of a river. one blonde calls to the blonde on the other side; Hey! How do i get to the other side!!
The other blonde looks up and down the river, then reply's; You are on the other side!!

2006-12-03 15:32:13 · 25 answers · asked by Changed 3

3 MEN GO INTO A HOTEL.
>
>
>
>
> THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30
>
>
>
> SO EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM.
>
>
> A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE
> ROOM WAS ONLY $25
>
>
>
> SO HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH $5.
>
>
>
> ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO
> SPLIT $5 EVENLY
>
>
> BETWEEN
>
>
> 3 MEN,
>
>
> SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR
> HIMSELF.
>
>
> THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM,
> WHICH IS A TOTAL
>
>
> OF
>
>
> $27
>
>
>
> ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29.
>
>
>
> WHERE IS THE OTHER DOLLAR?

2006-12-03 15:29:24 · 14 answers · asked by Baby 1

single women cannot fart


reason




wait for it







they do not have a arsxhole

until they are married

2006-12-03 15:20:16 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

a little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row he hears athumping noise from his parents bedroom 1 morning he says to his mum every night i hear you and dad making noises and when i look in you are bouncing up and down on him
mum says oh i am bouncing on him because he is fat and it makes him thin again
the boy replies that wont work mum
she says why is that then son

he says because the lady next door comes in after you leave in the morning and blows him back up again

2006-12-03 15:16:49 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you call a dog with no legs?



























Doesn't matter he wont come anyway!

2006-12-03 14:48:11 · 14 answers · asked by ♣valentine melons♣ 4

This is kinda funny

2006-12-03 14:47:56 · 10 answers · asked by zoman1 1

This is a burning question of mine. None of my friends know how to finish it and when I ask other people, they tell me it's dirty...which only makes me want to know more. Does anyone out there know how to finish the rhyme?

2006-12-03 14:45:08 · 7 answers · asked by missjones2you 1

Do you like this song by beyonce? I do!!!!

2006-12-03 14:29:46 · 14 answers · asked by uimblue 5

Q:why did the tomato finish last?



















A:coz he couldnt ketchup!mwahahaha

2006-12-03 14:28:40 · 11 answers · asked by ♣valentine melons♣ 4

does any one know if Nordstrom Rack @ da Bridge(in Inglewood,C.A.) has dressing room I NEED TO KNOW THO very special date will need privacy.............

not a joke or riddle i serious tho i need da answer....

2006-12-03 14:18:45 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay so my husband knows pretty much every joke I have ever heard or read.. I can never make him laugh.. I will read him stuff i find on here, and hes like "Yeah, I know..Heard that one twice" it is so frustrating!! I need some jokes...doesnt matter what the content is.. sex, blonde,women, racial-- anything will help

2006-12-03 14:15:47 · 7 answers · asked by Shina Beana 4

2006-12-03 14:06:50 · 15 answers · asked by Andrew1968 5

if you are offended by these go no further. You have been warned.


Q. Why do women have two holes so close together ?
A. So you can carry them home like a sixpack.

Q. How many blacks does it take to pave a driveway ?
A. It depends on how thin you slice them.

Q. Whats black and white and has three eyes ?
A. Sammy Davies Jr. and his wife

Q. What's old wrinkled and smells like Ginger Rogers ?
A. Fred Astairs face.

Q. What's yellow ugly and sleeps alone ?
A. Yoko Ono.

Q: What is better than winning a medal at the Special Olympics?
A: Not being retarded.

Q: What is the definition of "making love"?
A: Something a woman does while a guy is f*cking her.

Q: Why did God create yeast infections?
A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating c*nt once in a while too.

Q: What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire?
A: Drowns

2006-12-03 14:04:29 · 6 answers · asked by al p 3

Three men are sentenced to die by guillotine, The first man, a teacher is placed in the head brace and the executioner pulls the rope lever, the blade comes down and stops halfway, It is discussed among the court officials and they decide it is a sign from God that this man should go free. The second man, a lawyer is then positioned for his execution and the same thing happens, the blade stops halfway down, it is again decided the God wants this man to live so HE is released. The third man, an engineer takes his place at the guilliotine, looks up and tells the executioner, "you know, if you put a little grease in the tracks that blade will come down all the way."

2006-12-03 13:59:23 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

What is the game or little gadget that guess what your thinking by asking you several questions?

It ask you questions like

"can it fit in an envelope?"

etc...



on the commercial some lady goes

"There is a geniuse in here we, gotta figure a way to get him out"

2006-12-03 13:51:06 · 10 answers · asked by cwconline 2

Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.

One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.

The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?"

The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sister’s shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure.

Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

2006-12-03 13:49:59 · 40 answers · asked by Dharshi 2

A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.

The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."

The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.

"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.

"That one costs 2,000 dollars."

"And what does that one do?" the man asked.

The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

2006-12-03 13:41:31 · 29 answers · asked by Dharshi 2