Jokes & Riddles - December 2006

there were 3 men at the top of a water slide, and all of a sudden genie appears and grants them one wish each at what they will find at the bottom of the slide.
the first man goes down and shouts out beer!! and he finds barrels of beer at the bottom
the second man goes down and shouts women!! and he finds lots of women at the bottom
the third man goes down and forgets and shouts weeeeeeeee!!

2006-12-03 11:18:28 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

bob was very happy, he makes lots of money, he has a big home, a great wife that he loves, but he never got any sleep cuz he had bad headaches. one day he goes to see the doctor for help. so the doctor checks him out and thinks it over a while. im sorry to say, bob, but youre going to need to have your testacles removed, see, they are pushing slightly on your lower spine causing the headaches, and there is just no other way. bob thought it over for a while making sure there was absolutely no other way. so he ends up getting the surgeory. he walks out feeling like a new man. he passes a store and decides to buy a new shirt. he goes in and points out a shirt he likes. the man there gesses his measurements rite. bob is surprised. he gets a new pair of pants and socks too. the man guesses rite. then he decides for new underwear, the man says size 18 but bob sed he had worn size 16 4evr, not 18. the man says, if u wore size 16 it would push ur testacles back to your spine giving u headaches

2006-12-03 11:13:23 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

i did not know that Mr Ventura the pet detective liked playing card games!.....................................................................





...........................................................................................................
yes he did, because his name was ACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




thanks in advance, hope you laughed as much as me. (ps - i honestly made up this great joke myself.)

2006-12-03 11:12:31 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm really copying this question from someone else, but I would really like to see the responses. You can tell me anything about me and most accurate gets the best answer!!

2006-12-03 11:09:18 · 13 answers · asked by Julia 4

its from the alice in wonderland thing its a riddle please help before december 8th!!!

2006-12-03 10:58:48 · 10 answers · asked by heather b 1

A friend of mine wanted me to show Emily how big of a bubble I could blow while see got it on camera. Well unaware, her and Emily had other plans, lol

Here is the link to the video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anh22KhFifo

2006-12-03 10:55:29 · 4 answers · asked by cdsst13 1

if the world was a sweater............. where would the black people live?




oh yea im black

2006-12-03 10:47:12 · 7 answers · asked by lilmama2346 1

I'm six foot tall and have a son that is about 2.5 foot, every time I go to the supermarket and put him in the trolly in the wee kid sitting bit at the front I find he is exactly the correct hight and to kick me in the nuts. Is this just a freaky high combination or are other dads affected. On average i get kicked once every 10 minutes so i dont go shopping very much.

2006-12-03 10:43:19 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

An old cowboy sat down at the Star bucks and ordered a cup of coffee.
As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows,
going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring
calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding
my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As
soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I
think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think
about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of
women."

The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy
and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?! "
He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

2006-12-03 10:40:39 · 13 answers · asked by Tabor 4

next to a bird I had picked up in the pub. She was not a bad looker but I didn't know anything much about what happened the night before. As I was coming round I found a piece of string hanging out of my mouth, and I thought oh God please let it be a teabag !!!!!!!!

2006-12-03 10:29:43 · 28 answers · asked by Shredder 6

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

2006-12-03 10:27:01 · 15 answers · asked by shyguy_hotty 1

a kite made by the Viagra people, brilliant stays up for hours on its own !!!!!!

2006-12-03 10:26:05 · 18 answers · asked by Shredder 6

2006-12-03 10:25:03 · 10 answers · asked by hi 1

Two cops walked into a room with no windows and found a dead man who obviously hung himself from the ceiling, though they couldn't figure out how. There was no chair beneath him that he might have jumped off of, or a table. Just a puddle of water. How'd he do it???


Hint: Think about where the water may have come from.

Think LLLLLLLOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGG and HARD!

Good Luck

2006-12-03 10:23:19 · 8 answers · asked by Wimpyyy 3

If you drop a yellow hat in the Red Sea, what does it become?

2006-12-03 10:19:50 · 14 answers · asked by shyguy_hotty 1

man goes to get a mortgage. The man says how much do you have in the bank to cover your expendiature. About 3 million quid the bloke says. The mortgage man says 3 million quid, you must be joking ! The bloke says well you bloody started it !!!!!!!!

2006-12-03 10:16:16 · 16 answers · asked by Shredder 6

What's the difference between a truck full of dead babies and a truck full of gravel?

You can't unload gravel with a pitchfork

what's blue and dits in the corner?
a baby with a plastic bag on its head

What's black and sits in the corner?
same baby 4 weeks later

2006-12-03 10:13:54 · 11 answers · asked by OllY 1

...."Well, Adolf, it looks like the end, tell me, if you had the chance to do it all again, would you? Hitler,.." Yes, of course I would! but HEY, next time, no more Mr. nice guy!

2006-12-03 10:13:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I've a big bull, I live in Canada but he's lying between border of U.S and Canada, now is the time to milk, should I give milk to U.S or Canada?

2006-12-03 09:55:46 · 15 answers · asked by shyguy_hotty 1

answer it right and get 10 points

2006-12-03 09:45:14 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Are you english?
Are you aware of the chav phenomena?
If so watch this, it might take a little while to start but its well worth it, trust me!

http://www.cecimoz.co.uk/portal.php?page=10

Thanks for this Toots youve made my night!

2006-12-03 09:38:51 · 24 answers · asked by ♥Tallulah♥ 4

my friend told a joke about black people and used the n word,my black friends said i was a sell out for not standing up to my white friend that said the joke. should i laugh or stand up to her?


THE JOKE: what did the man say when he saw his tv flaoting at night ? "drop it n" (she said the word yahoo wont let me type it in)

2006-12-03 09:36:54 · 10 answers · asked by murder-u 2

How can you get a giraffe in a refrigerator?

2006-12-03 09:32:51 · 22 answers · asked by shyguy_hotty 1

2006-12-03 09:30:27 · 42 answers · asked by Hachi 2

a humpback whale and its mate were just breaking surface when the male noticed a pair of whaling ships,as they dove down he said to his mate" i know those two, they killed my father," will you help me capsize them, we'll just swim below them and exhaust our blowholes tipping them over, well she does love him and reservidly agrees and off they go, carfully getting below each boat they blow and run for it, as the male breaks surface he sees men swiming for shore and asks his mate to help eat them, no one should escape, ( are you ready for this)she replys, look ive just given you a ******** im not gonna swollow seamen for you too,

2006-12-03 09:30:05 · 11 answers · asked by polly a 2

2006-12-03 09:30:04 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

My wife was standing in front of the mirror nude and said she wished that she had bigger breasts. I asked, "Why don't you get some toilet paper and wipe it between your breasts?". She asked, "Will that really make them bigger?". I said, "Well, it worked for your a-s-s didn't it?".

2006-12-03 09:24:32 · 14 answers · asked by tumbleweed1954 6

An elephant was dying and so she walked the length and breadth of Britain looking for a place to die.She stopped in Birmingham and thought to herself this looks like a good place to die. Elephants kinda like a graveyard to die in so she walked to the local boneyard, Oh her way there she saw another elephant crossing the road towards the boneyard," Hoo hoo hellooooo, have you come here to die"..

"No" said the other elephant
" I came here yester die."...

2006-12-03 09:24:14 · 17 answers · asked by chris w. 7

job. I wasn't very good at school but I did excel in two subjects, metal work and biology. Question is does anybody have a cat that needs welding? !!!!!!

2006-12-03 09:11:45 · 17 answers · asked by Shredder 6

Tarzan was swinging through the jungle when, suddenly, he slid off the vine, landing in the midle of of a pack of lions. They tore him to peices, removing his arms, legs and "member". The noise brought the people from a nearby village running to see what was going on, which scared the lions off. Seeing the mess Tarzan was in, they got the village witch-doctor to come & see what he could do to help. Taking 1 look at the mess, he said "bring me the arms of an ape, the legs of a cheetah and the trunk of an elephant" When they brought these to him, he sewed them on and Tarzan jumped up and swung off through the jungle.
A few weeks later, Tarzan came to the witch-docotors hut. "How you doing, Tarzan?" "Oh, just great! These ape arms you gave; I went killed all those lions in 10 seconds! And these legs, I've never run so fast! But, you've got to do something about this trunk! Every time I swing too close to the ground, it grabs a clump of grass and shoves it up my @ss!"

2006-12-03 09:09:14 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous