Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

An American businessman was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night with her. She kept screaming "Fujifoo, Fugifoo!!!", which the guy took to be pleasurable.

The next day, he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got a hole-in-one. Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo". The Japanese clients looked confused and said "No, you got the right hole."

2006-11-27 18:49:00 · 28 answers · asked by GS 3

A labotary with lots of advance chemicals was caught on fire. firemen from various districts came and try to put out the fire. but the more water they flush, the fire becomes stronger and stronger. soon it begins to spread to other labotaries. it was so serious, the president announce that which fire dept that can put out the fire will be rewarded with 3 million. soon, after the message was broadcast into the news, an old fire truck rushed out from an old church nearby. the old truck ran through the police barriers and charged straight into the lab. everyone was amazed and shocked !! then they see old geezers jump off from the truck, take their shirts off and start flapping at the fire like mad !! some keep jumping and stomping. but they were old men.

soon the fire was put out, and the president was glad. the president asked 1 of the old geezers, "so what are you going to do with the 3 million?" the old geezer replied,"eh firstly, we have to fix the damn breaks of that truck".

2006-11-27 18:39:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The pilot looks over with a quizzical look on his face and says, "You're not the flight instructor?"
This little boy go into the grocery store and grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for check-out.
The cashier asks "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?" He replies, "Nope, not for my mom."
Without thinking, the cashier responded, "Well, they must be for your sister then?"
He replied, "Nope, not for my sister either."
The cashier had now become curious. "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister, who are they for?"
The boy says "They're for my four year old little brother."
The cashier is surprised. "Your four year old little brother???"
The boy explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"

2006-11-27 18:32:02 · 39 answers · asked by Pd 6

complete please!

2006-11-27 18:30:02 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

There's this guy in a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half-an-hour. Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy and just drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't see a man crying."





"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police, they say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar.

And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison..."

2006-11-27 18:29:42 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because "it's the real thing".

2006-11-27 18:29:31 · 7 answers · asked by Ted 2

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it, it would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he, says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking."

2006-11-27 18:26:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

take 1 n give 1 pls.

Father to kids: " ok...do not open that refrigerator, or I'll put a nail in you..understand?"

Kids: ok Dad...

After a while, Dad goes to Mom's room and starts the works, one of the kids get curious, peeps inside the door, then turns to his brother n says.." Hey bro..it seems Mom opened that fridge, coz Dad is putting a nail in her right now.."

2006-11-27 18:24:57 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

and said , Doc i think i'm clairvoyant , he said , when did this start , i said , next week !!

2006-11-27 18:24:01 · 11 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

What are a woman's four favorite animals?

A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and a Jackass to pay for it all.

2006-11-27 18:18:35 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

2006-11-27 18:15:57 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lawyer lies dying, his partner of 40 years by his bedside.

"Jack, I've got to confess. I've been sleeping with your wife for 30 years and I'm the father of your daughter, Hillary. On top of that, I've been stealing from the firm for a decade."

"Relax," says Jack, "and don't think another thing about it. I'm the one who put arsenic in your martini."

2006-11-27 18:08:11 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man. The dwarf stares and says "You’re the biggest man I have ever seen". The man nods his head, and replies " I’m 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I'm Turner Brown.” The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, "I said I’m 6 - 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown.” The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. “For a minute there, I thought you said ‘Turn Around’.”

2006-11-27 17:48:28 · 19 answers · asked by GS 3

Last time, we saw this following riddle:

Why do people like to play poker with ghosts?
A: Becuase you can see right through them!

Hehe. And here is today's riddle:

What has only 1 horn and gives milk?

Good luck! :)

2006-11-27 17:47:02 · 7 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

A Guy is driving his girlfriend home when she decides she wants to go to her friends instead. Her friend lives out of the way so she tells her boyfriend that she would get naked for him if he drove her. The guy says ok and the girl takes off all her clothes. The boyfriend is so busy looking at her that he stacks the car and gets stuck between the steering wheel and the seat. He tells her to go get help and she replied that she couldn’t because she didn’t have any clothes on. He replies, “Take my shoe and cover your snatch with it, and go for help!”

She takes the shoe and runs to the closest gas station. She finds the clerk and says, "Help, my boyfriend is stuck! Can you help us?" The clerk replies, "I’m sorry, I think he's too far in."

2006-11-27 17:38:47 · 14 answers · asked by GS 3

A man tells his wife that he's going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it's closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beer and the next thing he knows he's in this girl's apartment and having quite a pleasurable time. The next thing he know it was 3:00 AM.

"Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!" he exclaimed. "Quick give me some talcum powder!"

She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he got home his wife is up waiting for him and she's furious. "Where the hell have you been!"

He says, "Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her." "Let me see your hands!" she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

"Damn liar, you were out bowling again!"

2006-11-27 17:35:54 · 13 answers · asked by GS 3

2006-11-27 17:25:32 · 7 answers · asked by ma2chi2001 1

It is laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended up the floors.

There is, however, a catch: Once you open the door to any floor, you must choose a man from that floor, and if you go up a floor, you can't go back down except to exit the building.

So, a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door says:

Floor 1: These men have jobs and love kids.

The woman reads the sign. "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?"

So up she goes.

The second floor sign says:

Floor 2: These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, better" say the woman "But, I wonder what's further up?"

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3: These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.

2006-11-27 17:24:25 · 12 answers · asked by GS 3

How do you become legally blonde?

2006-11-27 17:16:52 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

yeah that and can someone give me some comebacks to people who tell me "yo momma"

2006-11-27 17:15:16 · 6 answers · asked by Baby I'll stay, heaven can w 3

1 coconut = 19 $
1 lime = 5 cent
1 appale = 1 $

what are the quantities of each, to get total 100

2006-11-27 16:57:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'd call him "Little BEAU Peep". Maybe you'd call him something else.

2006-11-27 16:54:55 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

WHY A STUDENT FAILS???

It's not the fault of the student if he fails, because the year has ONLY 365' days.

Typical academic year for a student.

1. Sundays-52,Sundays in a year, you know Sundays are for rest.
Days left 313.

2. Summer holidays-50 where weather is very hot and difficult to study.

Days left 263.

3. 8 hours daily sleep-means 130 days.
Days left 141.

4. 1 hour for daily playing-(good for health) means 15 days.

Days left 126.

5. 2 hours daily for food & other delicacies(chew properly & eat)-means 30days.

Days left 96.

6. 1 hour for talking (man is a social animal)-means 15 days !

Days left 81.

7. Exam days per year atleast 35 days.
Days left 46.

8. Quarterly, Half yearly and festival (holidays)-40 days.

Balance 6 days.

9. For sickness atleast 3 days.

Remaining days 3.

10. Movies and functions atleast 2 days.

1 day left.

11. That 1 day is your birthday. "How can you study at that day?"
Balance days 0

"How can a student PASS ?????"

2006-11-27 16:44:24 · 12 answers · asked by kav 2

but a big pond of water. How did he hang himself?

2006-11-27 16:38:06 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Where does Waffle Boy celebrate new years? -Times SQUARE
Where does Waffle Boy watch sporting events? -Madison SQUARE garden, lol
Where does Waffle Boy start a project? -SQUARE one!
What's Waffle Boy's favorite game? -Four SQUARE! lol

2006-11-27 16:16:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida,
his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email,
unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address,
he did his best to type it from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor,
let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint, at the sound,
her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.....


DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...

P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

2006-11-27 15:56:37 · 10 answers · asked by L_n_C_fReAk 3

Little Jack Huffet
Sat on his tuffet
Eating his curds-and-whey pie.
He stuck in his thumb
And pulled out a spider...

2006-11-27 15:47:31 · 15 answers · asked by alnitaka 4

2006-11-27 15:39:04 · 10 answers · asked by Audee 3

There was a hotel in the middle of nowhere. Hardly anyone ever stayed there. One day, three people stayed at the hotel; a cowboy, a smart blonde, and Santa Claus. The next day all of the money was missing from the safe. The hotel manager knew it was one of these three because no one else had been there for months. Who stole the money??





The cowboy stole the money!


Why??


None of the others exist!

2006-11-27 15:36:31 · 9 answers · asked by L_n_C_fReAk 3

2006-11-27 15:18:17 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous