Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

Fee fi fo fum
First i heard my dinner come
fee fi fo fum
Then i smelt it going by
Fee fi fo fum
Then I saw it try to flee
fee fi fo fum
then I touched it with my toe
fee fi fo fum
No I will taste it-yum yum yum
I've used five things today
with one name.what is it prey?
look above to find a clue
or my dinner will be-You

2006-11-27 23:21:50 · 7 answers · asked by Dawn 4

A journalist doesn't cost you 10 points.

2006-11-27 22:56:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's always 1 to 6,
it's always 15 to 20,
it's always 5,
but it's never 21,
unless it's flying.

The Question: What is this?

2006-11-27 22:34:49 · 12 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

Why don't witches wear underwear?

So they can get a better grip on the broomstick!

2006-11-27 22:32:42 · 15 answers · asked by Jellytot 2

An old farmer died and left 17 cows to his three sons. In his will, the farmer stated that his oldest son should get 1/2, his middle son should get 1/3, and his youngest son should get 1/9 of all the cows. The sons, who did not want to end up with half cows, sat for days trying to figure out how many cows each of them should get.
One day, their neighbour came by to see how they were doing after their father's death. The three sons told him their problem. After thinking for a while, the neighbour said: "I'll be right back!" He went away, and when he came back, the three sons could divide the cows according to their father's will, and in such a way that each of them got a whole number of cows.

The Question: What was the neighbour's solution?

2006-11-27 22:05:42 · 10 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

This guy had a load of fat around him & he wanted it to shed very badly. One day he saw an advertisement about a unique weight lose programme, he immediatly signed for 10 days, 10 pounds losing programme.

Next day morning when he opened the door on knock he found a beautiful girl standing in two pc. bikini with a board hanging in her neck: Catch me & I am all yours! He happily ran behind her for a while caught her & had a wonderful time. This continued for next 10 days & he lost 10 pounds.

He again signed for 20 days, 25 pounds scheme. He found a very beautiful topless girl with same board again, he lost 25 pounds at the end of 20th day.

Now he was a very happy man, this time he decided to sign for 30 days 50 pounds scheme. Next day morning he found a 7ft black wrestler all naked with a huge dick & a board hanging to his neck: I catch you & you are mine!!!

2006-11-27 21:42:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Kevin and lil' Martha were playing outside. Somehow, Kevin convinced Martha to climb up a tree to get the ball that he kicked up on purpose. When, she came down, Kevin was laughing uncontrollably.
Furious, she went to her mom and told her what happened. Her mom, half amused said : " he got you there hon, he just wanted to see your underwear!"
The next day, Martha comes home with a huge smile on her face. Her mom asked her what was the matter. Martha explained to her that Kevin asked her to climb the tree once again and she did. Her mom, annoyed now replied " But I told you he just wants to see your underwear!"
Triumphant Martha replied " I know, that's why I wasn't wearing any today!"

2006-11-27 21:30:39 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. He then jumps onto the pool table and grabs one of the billiard balls. To everyone's amazement, he sticks it in his mouth, and somehow swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table... whole!" "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight. Sorry! I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." The guy finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.

2006-11-27 21:26:26 · 12 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

please miss , the little girl said to the teacher , tha teacher said , why do you want some cider , the little girl said , because i'v got a thorn stuck in my finger , and my big sister says , whenever she gets a prick in her hand she has to put it in cider !

2006-11-27 21:25:25 · 11 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

http://www.listentocharlie.com go check out his page.

2006-11-27 21:21:46 · 1 answers · asked by candi o 2

A bear & rabbit wear in the forrest and the rabbit found a lamp,the bear grabbed the lamp and rumbed it and a genie appeared he decided to grant both of them 3wishes each.The bear wished for all the bears in the forrest to be women,the rabbit wished for a helmet.For the second wish the bear wished for all bears in the country to be women, the rabbit wished for a motor cyle,the bear was laughing hysterically @the rabbit.For the last wish the bear wished that all the bears in the world were women,and the rabbit wished that the bear was gay and drove off...

2006-11-27 21:14:47 · 7 answers · asked by kevnbn 2

A man was walking on the beach and triped over a lamp. He picked it up and dusted it of & poof a genie appeared.The genie said he wil grant the man 3wishes.The man taught hard and for his 1st wish he wished dat everytym he puts his hand in his pockets he pulls out 200rand.The genie said this is extremely difficult but will granted it.For his 2nd wish he wished that he owned his own private island,the genie said that thats almost impossible but being a genie he granted it.4his last wish the man thought for awhile then said my son studies in university and i want a road from my island to the university and only my son and me will be able to use it.The genie stood there shocked n pondered for awile then told the man he is mad & that is impossible 2b done even by a great force such as himself,do u have another wish.The man wished to know how a womens mind works.The genie sat on a rock n went in2 deep thought 4about an hour then stood up & asked the man how many lanes do u want on ur road

2006-11-27 20:49:57 · 8 answers · asked by kevnbn 2

A grandfather finds an earthworm in his garden. His grandson sees him struggling to get it back in its hole. He ran into the house and comes back with his grandmother's hairspray, sprays the worm and it become hard and stiff and he pushes it back in the hole. "Wow, how do you know that?" asks his grandpa. "Learned at school" he replies. The next day his grandpa gives him 10 bucks. "What for? I just helped putting the soft earthworm in the hole." " I know" said the grandpa with a big smile on his face. "It's from your grandma!"

2006-11-27 20:39:04 · 7 answers · asked by zorro 2

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride. With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.

Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman?

Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade."

2006-11-27 20:31:39 · 23 answers · asked by DikiDoo 3

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to
convert or leave Italy.
There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope
offered a deal.
He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish
community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope
won, they would have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met & picked an aged but wise Rabbi Moishe to
represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian
& the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a
"silent" debate.

On the chosen day, the Pope & Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other
for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand & showed three
fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back & raised one finger.

Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe
pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a
communion wafer & a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an
apple.

With that, the Pope stood up & declared that he was beaten, that
Rabbi Moishe was too clever, & that the Jews could stay.

Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.

The Pope said, "First, I held up three fingers to represent the
Trinity.

He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there is
still only one God common to both our beliefs.

Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He
responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right
here with us.

I pulled out the wine & wafer to show that God absolves us of all
our sins.

He pulled out an apple to remind me of original sin. He had me
beaten & I couldn't continue."

Meanwhile the Jewish community gathered around Rabbi Moishe.

"How did you win the debate?" they asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Moishe.
"First he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so
I gave him the finger."

Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews &
I said to him, we're staying right here."

"And then what?" asked a woman.

"Who knows?" said Moishe, "He took out his lunch, so I took out
mine."

2006-11-27 20:27:57 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-27 20:27:25 · 16 answers · asked by Zoey x 1

The above sentence is in Hindi language so please convert into English word.

2006-11-27 20:16:52 · 6 answers · asked by Lalit Joshi 1

2006-11-27 20:14:07 · 8 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

There was a blonde that wanted to lose weight so she talks to her doctor about dieting. The doctor informs her on one diet plan she can try. "For two days I want you to eat what you normally eat, then skip a day. Continue this pattern, and the next time you see me, you should have lost at least 5 pounds."

So on her next visit, the doctor suprisingly noticed how slim she looked.

Doctor says, "Wow, you look great! Looks like you shed 20 pounds. Did you have a hard time doing it?

Blonde says, "It wasn't that hard, but that third day is when I would get so weak I felt like dropping dead."

Doctor says, "From starving?"

Blonde replies, "No, from skipping."

2006-11-27 20:05:44 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-27 20:01:45 · 7 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

2006-11-27 20:00:25 · 7 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

2006-11-27 19:59:38 · 7 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

2006-11-27 19:57:18 · 11 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

Don't take offence if you're a doctor.
It's just a funny riddle.

2006-11-27 19:55:43 · 4 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

2006-11-27 19:53:01 · 2 answers · asked by Toshihiro 3

A guy is laying in a hospital bed with an oxygen mask on and he weakly calls "Nurse" The nurse comes over and the man says "Are my testicles black?"
The nurse rumages around under the sheets comes back up and says "No, they're fine"
The man then takes off his oxygen mask and says "Yes that was very nice nurse, but are my test results back?"

2006-11-27 19:52:30 · 25 answers · asked by ? 2

Roger, a successful businessman, flew to Las Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round trip ticket. If he could just get himself to the airport, he could get himself home.

So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. he got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. Roger promised to send the driver money from home; he offered his credit card numbers, his driver's license number, his address, etc., but to no avail. the cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!"
So Roger was forces to hitchhike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight.

One year later, Roger, having worked long and hard to regain his financial status, returned to Las Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride to the airport. Well, who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. Roger thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and hit on a plan.

Roger got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport?" "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me oral sex on the way?" "What?!! Get the hell out of my cab!" Roger got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same results.

When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?"

The cabbie replied, "Fifteen bucks." Roger said, "OK." And off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs, Roger gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.



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2006-11-27 19:23:36 · 12 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

Signboard out side a brothel: "Married MEN not allowed. We serve only needy not the greedy!!!"

2006-11-27 19:13:09 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

The story goes like this.............

Maria is a devout Catholic. She gets married and has 17 children. Then her husband dies. She remarries two weeks later, and has 22 children by her next husband. Then he dies. A while later, she dies.
At the funeral, the priest looks skyward and says, "At last they're finally together."

A guy sitting in the front row says, "Excuse me Father, but do you mean her and her first husband, or her and her second husband?"

"I mean her legs!"

2006-11-27 19:12:05 · 9 answers · asked by amudwar 3

Everyday when Joe goes to work he takes elevator to the 6th floor then takes the stairs the rest of the way. When he gets done, he takes the elevator all the way to the first floor. Why???

2006-11-27 18:50:21 · 12 answers · asked by Jason 1