Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

2006-11-28 02:56:22 · 13 answers · asked by nugget 1

As I was walking down the street,one day
A kind gentleman did come my way
He tipped his hat and drew his cane
I told you,you tell me,what was his name?

Hint: it is within the riddle....

2006-11-28 02:56:06 · 10 answers · asked by ladybug 4

2006-11-28 02:50:36 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-28 02:43:21 · 6 answers · asked by happy_blabla 2

A woman was depressed at the fact she had not had a date,
nor any sex for quite some time. Afraid she might have something wrong,


she decided to employ the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her
personal physician recommended Dr Chung, a well-known Chinese sex therapist.



So she went to see him. On entering the examination room, Dr Chung took
one look at her and said,

"Hokay, take off aw your crows."

She quickly disrobed and stood naked before him.

"Now," said Dr Chung,
"get dow on your knees and craw reery reery fass away from me to other side of
room."

Having done that Dr Chung said,

"Hokay, turn row and craw reery fass back to me."

Once again, she obliged. Dr Chung slowly hook his head and said,

"Hokay, your probrem vaywe, vaywe bad, you got Ed Zachary Disease.

Worse case I ever see, that why you have no dates,
that why you no get sex."

Confused the woman asked, "What is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr Chung replied,

"It when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your a.r.s.e.!!!!

2006-11-28 02:13:04 · 31 answers · asked by Bird 2

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the pastor with an unusual offer:
"Look, I''ll give you $100 if you''ll change the wedding vows. When you get to the part where I''m supposed to promise to ''love, honor and obey'' and ''be faithful to her forever,'' I''dappreciate it if you''d just leave that out."

He passed the minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied. On the day of the wedding, when it came time for the groom''s vows, the pastor looked the young man in the eye and said:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her, obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, and swear eternally before God and your lovely wife that you will not ever even look at another woman, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes," then leaned toward the pastor and hissed: "I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put a $100 bill into the groom''s hand and whispered: "She made me a better offer."

2006-11-28 02:06:18 · 12 answers · asked by EL Big Ed 6

2006-11-28 02:05:51 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

it's not "are you dead?" Remember it's a question you may ask a living breathing person but unfotunately the can't answer yes to it.

2006-11-28 02:00:20 · 14 answers · asked by huggi123 1

because of the Tip-Ex (Correction Fluid) on the screen !!!!

2006-11-28 01:57:12 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - DEAD. The second worm in cigarette smoke: DEAD. The third worm in chocolate syrup - DEAD. Fourth worm in good clean soil - ALIVE! So the minister asked the congregation, "What can you learn from this demonstration?" Maxine, who was sitting in the back, raised ther hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, You won't have worms!"

2006-11-28 01:52:10 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man orders a bowl of 'Oasis Soup' from the menu in a restaurant, always eager to try something new. Upon tasting the soup he turns to the waiter and says:
"Excuse me, your menu calls this Oasis soup but it tastes to me like tomato soup."
The waiter replies " Yes sir, it is just plain old, bog-standard, Heinz cream of tomato soup straight from the tin."
So the man asks " Then why do you call it 'Oasis Soup'.
The waiter replies "Well because....(singing) You've got a roll with it."

2006-11-28 01:46:57 · 6 answers · asked by Ezekiel Satchell 2

A Kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat,but it was dead."How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked him. "Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move." answered the child innocently. "You did WHAT?!!" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy,"I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, " Sweetheart, You're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, " Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs, too."

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Reter says, For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

2006-11-28 01:46:46 · 11 answers · asked by eeyoree rocks2003 7

Scottish History - Edward Longshanks (Edward I of England and allegedly Scotland ) comes to Scotland to hammer the Scots. He brings 4,000 men with him.



As he reaches the battlefield, suddenly on the crest of a hill there appears a solitary figure, a little ginger-haired guy in a kilt.



"Hammer of the Scots?" yells the wee Scottish guy on the hill. "Come up here, ya English bastards, and I'll give ye hammer!"



Edward turns to his commander and says, "Take 20 men and deal with that Scottish upstart!"



The commander sends 20 men over the hill to kill the Scot.



Ten minutes later, at the crest of hill, the little Scot appears again.



"Ye English bastards!" he yells. "Come on the rest of ye!! Come on, I'll have ye!!!"



Edward is getting somewhat annoyed.



He turns to his commander. "Take 100 men and kill that little guttersnipe!"



The commander sends 100 men over the hill to do the job.



Ten minutes later, the little Scot appears at the top of the hill again, his hair all sticking up, his shirt a bit torn.



"Ye English SCUM!" he yells. "I'm just warming up!!! Come and get me!!!"



Edward loses patience. "Commander, take 400 men and personally WIPE HIM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH!" he yells.



The commander gulps, but leads 400 men on horseback over the crest of the hill.



Ten minutes later, the little Scotsman is back. His clothing is all torn, his face is covered in blood, snot and grime, and he yells, "Is that the best ye can do???? You're all bloody WUMMIN!!!! Come on, come and have a go ya bunch of Jessie's!!!"



Edward turns to his second in command "Take 1000 men over that hill and don't come back till you've killed him!" he commands.



The second in command gathers the men and they ride off over the hill to their fate.



Five minutes later, one of the English troops appears back at the top of the hill. He's covered in blood and his clothes are all torn.



"You're Majesty!!" he yells. "It's a trap!!! There's TWO of them!!!"

2006-11-28 01:45:09 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

what can you put in a barrell to make it lighter?

2006-11-28 01:44:36 · 10 answers · asked by slider 1

i like both but i want to marry one tell me who is that happiest person .ASTROLOGER----think for a while and answered u will definately marry tony . but the happiest person will be JHONY

2006-11-28 01:40:32 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

I love having "cussin'" matches with my boyfriend, but i seem to have ran out of good ammunition (darn)...can you give me some of your favorite cusses?! i.e. your **** is so fat, when she got on the scales it said I asked for your weight, not your phone number! lol I NEEEEEED MORE!!!!

2006-11-28 01:18:50 · 6 answers · asked by Danielle L 1

2006-11-28 01:09:13 · 14 answers · asked by Joe Somebody 6

2 in 1 tape

2006-11-28 00:55:40 · 7 answers · asked by Zoey x 1

2006-11-28 00:54:31 · 27 answers · asked by Sahana kumar 1

2006-11-28 00:54:12 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. Answer if i'm cute

2. Be rude if i'm sexy

3. Be nice if i hot

4. Don't answer if your not

5. And answer with what ever reply i haven't mention because your mums a ****.

2006-11-28 00:51:56 · 19 answers · asked by Miss B 3

It finally makes sense now.....................
Inever lookedd at it this way before
MENtal illness
MENstual cramps
MENopause
GUYnocologist

2006-11-28 00:48:32 · 21 answers · asked by Miss B 3

Last nite i thought of u, This morning i thought of u, I thought of u the whole day, I think i really love u, And tomorrow i'll think of v then w then x,y,z

2006-11-28 00:45:21 · 10 answers · asked by Miss B 3

??????

2006-11-28 00:35:02 · 6 answers · asked by Ebony 4

THE LORDS PRAYER (remixed)
My vibro, which brings me heaven. Rabbit be thy name. Til kingdom come, thy makest me ***, on earth with my eyes on heaven. Give me this day my daily thrill, and forgive me my screamz, as i forgive flat batteries. Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from frustration. For thine is the rotation the power and the buzzing, for ever and ever, NO MEN

2006-11-28 00:24:44 · 24 answers · asked by Miss B 3

2006-11-28 00:10:09 · 5 answers · asked by area52 6

2006-11-27 23:53:39 · 18 answers · asked by dalton12crawford 1

you know a brilliant green.
a green as green as grass, as green as a rotting dog plop, as green as my face after a hard nights drink. oh green i love you marry me green.

2006-11-27 23:44:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.
>Paddy said "me feet are freezing, will you nip upstairs and get my slippers
>for me?"
>"No bother", said Murphy and goes upstairs. There he finds Paddy's stunning
>twin 19 year old daughters sitting on the bed.
>"Hello girls", he said smiling, "your Dad sent me up here to shag the pair
>of ye!"
>"Fook off ya liar!" they replied.
>"I'll prove it!" says Murphy
>So he shouts down the stairs - "Both of them, Paddy?"
>"Of course! What's the use of fooking one?
>
>

2006-11-27 23:36:40 · 19 answers · asked by Bird 2

2006-11-27 23:28:55 · 21 answers · asked by Jenna 3