Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.....

2006-11-28 08:35:53 · 17 answers · asked by charlie 3

look near a lively game: pointing to a path with a rabbit in its name

2006-11-28 08:35:43 · 3 answers · asked by tip gal 1

for his annual physical, his wife tagging along. The doctor enters the examination room and tells the old man, "I need a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample."

The old man, being hard of hearing, looks at his wife and yells: "WHAT?"

"What did he say? What's he want?"

His wife yells back, "He needs your underwear."

2006-11-28 08:27:43 · 13 answers · asked by OO7 3

Egbert the village idiot & his arab friend Mustafa were lost in the desert. At sundown Mustafa suggested they get some sleep to save energy. Egbert settled down but Mustafa hunted around for 20 minutes until he found 2 pebbles, lay down & put the pebbles over his eyes. Egbert asked him why? Mustafa told him there's vultures hovering & they'd come down & peck his eyes out when he's asleep.So Egbert hunts but couldn't find any pebbles. Mustafa tells him to dig a hollow in the sand & lie face down with his face in the hollow. Egbert has a hole in his pants & his ar*e is in the air. Mustafa sees this & gets excited. After 15 minutes thinking Egbert's asleep, Mustafa creeps up behind Egbert & starts banging away. Egbert yells.....'You can peck away all you like you bast**ds, you won't get my eyes'!!

2006-11-28 08:27:17 · 10 answers · asked by kev3753 1

Just to be sure this is not a plot against Aussie music lovers, this is just a joke...who knows the answer?

2006-11-28 08:21:59 · 10 answers · asked by Shaula 7

2006-11-28 08:15:53 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

go to this link....

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Anmhe7wm4yb_93o9Z2VPNaLsy6IX?qid=20061128125342AAVQTjk

it's really hard, i cant seem to figure out the answer. can you?


=)

2006-11-28 08:15:39 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-28 08:08:08 · 25 answers · asked by Sarissa 2

What did the whirling finger mean as well as the reference to the silk hankerchief, the tie and the water pick mean?

2006-11-28 08:07:41 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

A coach driver takes a crowd of blind people for a day out in Blackpool, after they park up on the prom he takes them onto the sands. He fancies a quick pint and wonders what he can do to keep them amused. He nips to a stall on the beach and buys a football with a bell in it, that should keep them happy for a bit he thinks and shoots off for his beer. After about ten minuets a bloke comes into the pub and says "is there anybody in here supposed to be with all them blind folk?. Yeah says the driver what's up. Can you come and sort them out they are kicking fukk out of one of my donkeys!!!!!!!!!!

2006-11-28 08:05:17 · 10 answers · asked by DikiDoo 3

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.

Three women were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.

The first woman said "Have you ever had a hug?"

The man said "No," so she gave him a hug and walked on.

The second woman said "Have you ever had a kiss?"

The man said "No," so she gave him a kiss and walked on.

The third woman came to him and said "Have you ever been fukked?"

The fellow said "No"

She said "You will be when the tide comes in"

2006-11-28 08:04:03 · 5 answers · asked by DikiDoo 3

that President Clinton
announced a new national bird.

Its called The spread eagle.

What do ya call a cave dwelling virgin

never bin laidon.

2006-11-28 07:58:18 · 6 answers · asked by chris w. 7

James Bond dies and starts for heaven. His secretary badly wants to find
out if he safely reached there. So, she calls up heaven.

A sweet female voice picked up and said: "This is Virgin Mary speaking". "Damn it", the secretary said and hung up.

She calls again after 10 minutes. The same voice:
"This is Virgin Mary speaking".
"Damn it. He hasn't reached yet", the secretary said and hung up again. She calls again after 1 hour. This time the voice said: "This is Mary speaking".
"Thank you!! Take proper care of him", she said and hung up.

2006-11-28 07:50:54 · 14 answers · asked by Goldylocks 5

What have asylum seekers and sperm got in common?

Millions of the buggers get in but only one works!

2006-11-28 07:45:55 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

how do you spot a blind man in a nudist colony?.....



its not hard



whats the difference between purple and pink?




the grip....

2006-11-28 07:37:40 · 12 answers · asked by chris w. 7

There were no powder marks on his clothing, which indicated that the gunman was outside the car. However all the windows were up and the doors were locked. After a close inspection was made, the only bullet holes discovered were on the mans body. How was he murdered??

2006-11-28 07:34:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with a satisfied smile
on its face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says:
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

2006-11-28 07:28:43 · 12 answers · asked by pooterosa 5

2006-11-28 07:28:27 · 14 answers · asked by porker animal 2

It was on one of the riddles in yahoo questions and i didn't know what it was.

2006-11-28 07:27:40 · 4 answers · asked by [♠]k[♠] 1

"My dad has epilectic fits and if hes in the bath having an attack i quickly throw in all my dirty washing to save using the washing machine". All of a sudden this irate guy who was obviously listening came up to me and got right in my face."Thats not funny " he said,"my dad had epilectic fits and died in the bath"
"Oh im so sorry" i replied "did he drown"?
"No" he said, "he chocked on one of my socks".

2006-11-28 07:24:59 · 47 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-28 07:24:10 · 8 answers · asked by rdmcnair2002 1

The white t-shirt survived the door step challenge!

What do you think, funny, or sick?

2006-11-28 07:23:29 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".

2006-11-28 07:23:20 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A sheriff walks into a saloon and shouts for everone's attention "Has anyone seen Brown Paper Jake?" "Whats he look like", asks one shoddy_lookin cowboy. "Well", replies the sheriff. "He wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper waistcoat, a brown paper shirt, brown paper boots, brown paper pants and a brown paper jacket." "So what's he wanted for", asks the same cowboy.


"Rustlin."

2006-11-28 07:16:56 · 12 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

2006-11-28 07:14:42 · 7 answers · asked by jorgeyporgieboy 2

A guy walks up to a beautiful girl in a supper market says excess me but I lost my girl friend last night would you mind standing here and talking to me for a few minutes?

The girl replies I guess but I don't see how it would help any,

The guy goes well you see, every time I meet a beautiful woman with boobs like yours my girl friend appears out of no were.

2006-11-28 07:07:11 · 7 answers · asked by pooterosa 5

The council!

Only they would put a sh.it hole next to the play area...!

2006-11-28 07:06:52 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

.........One had a stroke, the other one couldn't quite reach

2006-11-28 07:05:49 · 18 answers · asked by indicabud1uk 3

A young ventriloquist is touring clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting.

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general... and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

2006-11-28 07:02:29 · 17 answers · asked by Bella 2

The butcher lived in an apartment over his shop. One night he was awakened by strange noises, coming from the shop. He tiptoed downstairs and observed that his 21-year-old daughter was sitting on the chopping block and was masturbating with a liverwurst. He sighed and tiptoed back to bed. The next morning, one of his customers came in and asked for some liverwurst. The butcher explained that he did not have any. The woman was annoyed. She pointed and said, “No liverwurst, eh? Well, what’s that hanging on the hook right over there?” The embarrassed butcher frowned at her and replied, “That, lady, is m son-in-law.”

2006-11-28 07:02:22 · 6 answers · asked by pooterosa 5