Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

a riddle:
Six letters have I, and many more;
One word tells what the others ar for;
Conceal a thing is what I do ;
So what am I? Need a clue?If so here it is:

Words together make this rhyme;
Now while you ponder for a time,
Your brain is on a merry chase,
And I'm staring you right in the face

2006-11-28 10:22:03 · 7 answers · asked by sweet_ice 1

2006-11-28 10:13:24 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

'I'm in a terrible fix,' moaned Fred. 'I'm in love with two girls and I don't know which to marry.'

'No problem,' said Murphy to the Englishman. 'I know you're not a Catholic but I think the church could help you. Call in tomorrow morning, kneel down and try a sincere prayer to God - that should do the trick.'

Next morning Murphy arrived to find Fred with a beaming smile.

'It worked. It's a miracle,' he enthused. 'I walked in,

knelt down and there it was written in red across the altar cloth: AVE MARIA!'

2006-11-28 10:07:55 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Like big cars, big guns etc. do they try to overcompensate?

2006-11-28 10:06:19 · 24 answers · asked by Shaz 5

Everyone know what answer?

"What is greater than God
More evil than the devil
The poor have it
The rich need it
If u eat, u die?"

I

2006-11-28 10:05:36 · 6 answers · asked by Miss Pinky 1

TRUE FACT:
Male sperm (Y) swim faster and die sooner than female sperm (X), because female sperm contain heavier genetic material, which slows them down but allows them to live longer.

THEREFORE:
Males with longer penises tend to produce more male offspring because they deposit the sperm closer to the egg and Y sperm cells win the "sprint." Males with shorter penises tend to have more female offspring because sperm is deposited further from the egg, Y sperm die off thus allowing X sperm to win the "marathon."

CONCLUSION:
Look at your family. This tells you whether or not your father had a big
one.

2006-11-28 10:04:27 · 28 answers · asked by pebbles26981 4

Do this: Come to class with a jar full of angry hornets. Five minutes into class, release the hornets, scream, and run away.

2006-11-28 10:04:24 · 6 answers · asked by Dr. Greenthumb 2

'Before we enter the wilds of the Yukon,' warned the trapper, 'always remember that the deadliest creature in these parts is the Grizzly Bear. Nothing in the world can outrun a hungry Grizzly!'

Till remember that,' said Murphy. 'Don't you worry.'

For weeks on end the two trekked on towards the distant trading post until one morning the air was rent with an almighty roar.

'Say your prayers,' screamed the trapper. 'It's a hungry Grizzly.'

'I hear it,' called Murphy, pulling on a pair of running shoes.

'Forget the shoes,' cried the trapper. 'You can't outrun a hungry Grizzly.' 'No, but I can outrun you,' smiled Murphy.

2006-11-28 10:02:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Q: How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?
A: Both of them.

Q: Why did the man cross the road?
A: He heard the chicken was a ****.

Q: Why don't women blink during foreplay?
A: They don't have time.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: They won't stop to ask directions.

Q: What do men and sperm have in common?
A: They both have a one-in-a-million chance of becoming a human being.

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?
A: He buys two cases of beer.

Q: What is the difference between men and government bonds?
A: The bonds mature.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?
A: So men can remember them.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: We don't know; it has never happened.

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: They all already have boyfriends.

2006-11-28 10:00:26 · 11 answers · asked by pebbles26981 4

Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you now....
Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful; Intelligent; Ecologist"

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know....
Double Income, No Kids." The third guy says, "I'm a R.U.B., you know.... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?"
She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you know....Wash, Iron, ****, Etc."

So, just exactly what is a *****?

B - BABE
I - IN
T - TOTAL
C - CONTROL OF
H - HERSELF

So ladies, next time somebody calls you a *****.......

SMILE.........

And say Thank You!

2006-11-28 09:59:06 · 21 answers · asked by pebbles26981 4

Say this to other people: My psychiatrist says that flying helps offset my desire to mutilate small, defenseless, woodland creatures

2006-11-28 09:57:53 · 4 answers · asked by Dr. Greenthumb 2

Q: Did you hear about the fight in the biscuit tin?

A: The bandit hit the penguin over the head with a club, tied him to a wagon wheel with a blue ribbon and made his breakaway in a taxi!

2006-11-28 09:55:55 · 30 answers · asked by pebbles26981 4

2006-11-28 09:54:59 · 7 answers · asked by Dr. Greenthumb 2

....give a sh1t?

2006-11-28 09:50:24 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I will give you a recipe and you have to guess what i am making. Easy 10 points. Here it is:

2 lbs of firm, fresh red snapper fillets, cut into 1/2 inch pieces, completely deboned
1/2 cup of fresh squeezed lime juice
1/2 cup of fresh squeezed lemon juice
1/2 purple onion, finely diced
1 cup of fresh peeled, seeded, and chopped tomatoes
1 serrano chili, seeded and finely diced
2 teaspoons of salt
dash of ground oregano
dash of Tabasco or a few grains of cayenne pepper

Serve with:
Cilantro
Avocado
Tortillas or tortilla chips

In a non-reactive casserole dish, either Pyrex or ceramic, place the fish, onion, tomatoes, chili, salt, Tabasco, and oregano. Cover with lime and lemon juice. Let sit covered in the refrigerator for an hour, then stir, making sure more of the fish gets exposed to the acidic lime and lemon juices. Let sit for at least 6 hours, giving time for the flavors to blend.

2006-11-28 09:45:18 · 11 answers · asked by Tom Riddle 2

Men have two moods, horney and hungry. If you know he is not horney make him a sandwich.

2006-11-28 09:43:15 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

How can you tell when an elephant has had sex in your garden.The grass is flat and the bin liner is missing

2006-11-28 09:41:48 · 11 answers · asked by colin050659 6

"How can you call em both Hose" said his colleague.?

"well said the fireman" Ones Hose A and the other is Hose B"

2006-11-28 09:41:46 · 9 answers · asked by chris w. 7

Shortly after the 911 emergency # became available, an elderly and quite ill blonde appeared in a Ranchester hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to staggerin from the parking lot.

The horrified nurse said, "Why didn't you call the 911 # and get an ambulance?"

The lady replied, "My phone doesn't have an 11!"

(no offense to blondes!)

2006-11-28 09:38:08 · 7 answers · asked by lose_it 4

2006-11-28 09:37:04 · 22 answers · asked by Rusty 1

would anyone care?

2006-11-28 09:31:29 · 11 answers · asked by Stretchy McSlapNuts 3

Little John arrived home with a bucket and a sponge and his mother asked: "Are you just arriving from washing cars to get your Play Station 3?" Little says:"Yes" but with a sad tone. His mother asked him: "How much were you asking for the cars' washing?" Little John aswered:"Nothing to high, just $500.00."

2006-11-28 09:19:16 · 7 answers · asked by Javy 7

There was this couple with 2 kids of 8 and 10 years old, who were extremely raskals. Always getting into trouble. If somethingdevlish was going on towntheir parents knew that one way or another they were involved. One day the mother heard that a priest, who was famous in kids discipline, would be on town. She went and talked to him about her kids and the priest agreeded, but asked her to see each kid individualy, so she sent the youngest onr 1st. The priest was a verry tall man with a deep voice, he placed the kid before him and with a deep tone asked him: "Where is God?" The kid was speechless and the priest asked him again with a deeper and higher tone: "Where is God?" The Kid stills without answer and the priest turned up is voice and shaking his finger is the face of the kid screamed on him:"Where is God?" The kid went out of the room running to his room and found his brother hidding in the closet who asked him: What happened?" The kid answered:Now we are fu***, Someone kidnapped

2006-11-28 09:12:29 · 10 answers · asked by Javy 7

2 Japanese men in a bar start talking to each other. One says...'Where you from'?.....'Honshu'..came the reply....'Me too, where did you work'?... 'Honshu council, in the sewers' said the 1st.....'Me too! how come we've never met before'?....'Oh, I don't know' he replied.... 'Perhaps we were just two nips who pass in the shite' !!

2006-11-28 09:08:21 · 11 answers · asked by kev3753 1

The rhyme was around late 70s early 80s when I was at school and went like this:-

Jack and Jill went down to the dairy
Jack got out his great big h**ry) (rhymes with dairy)
Jill said 'what a whopper!'
Let's get down and do this proper.
crash - bang - whollop and all was done
9 months later was born a son....

that's as much as I can remember. All those of a simular age to me (40 somethings) that were around at the time can't remember any more either.

anyone out there knows how the rest of the rhyme goes and can complete it?

thanks

2006-11-28 09:06:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

everyone goes around saying YOUR MOM..i mean yes, it is a classic and deff. the all purpose comeback but serisously...is there a reason why we all just go up to random ppl and are like YOUR MOM! ... ? ? ? someone fill me in

2006-11-28 09:02:18 · 29 answers · asked by heyy hoeee 2

2006-11-28 08:52:21 · 5 answers · asked by larryjr3333 2

the driver looks up and squeals "ug..wot an ugly baby,,!"
the poor woman runs crying to the back of the bus and sits down next to an old man.
"Wots up..?"he asks...
She explains that she has just been really upset by the driver.
"Look here "says the man "dont let him get away with that...go down to the front and tell him what you think of him....you go right now ....I ll hold your monkey..."
.

2006-11-28 08:48:55 · 29 answers · asked by notgnal 6

its to say to my pals lol :d

2006-11-28 08:45:16 · 3 answers · asked by towel d 1

Six letters have I, and many more;
One word tells what the others are for;
Conceal a thing is what I do;
So what am I?

2006-11-28 08:40:23 · 8 answers · asked by gleemonex69 3