Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

it is a riddle

2006-11-06 06:20:23 · 9 answers · asked by lil lou 1

2006-11-06 06:17:21 · 18 answers · asked by chrisby 2

2006-11-06 06:16:39 · 29 answers · asked by Oh My God! 6

A a washing macine
B a toaster
C a dishwasher
D women.........

a toaster is the only one that doesnt drip when its fu*ked

2006-11-06 06:15:29 · 20 answers · asked by lolls 2

I've just found a tampon behind my ear and I've lost my pencil!

2006-11-06 06:07:21 · 21 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

there is a joke that goes something like this...

balls hanging...like chrismas trees...**** like onions


10 pts

2006-11-06 06:02:58 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A pirate walks into a bar with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says, "hey, you''ve got a steering wheel on your pants."
The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."

2006-11-06 06:01:31 · 14 answers · asked by Alex_C 2

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped inches from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much.
The driver replied "Sorry, it's not really your fault. You see, today is my first day as a cab driver -- for the last 25 years, I've been driving a hearse!"

2006-11-06 06:00:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's the difference between a rooster and a blonde?
A rooster says, "Cockadoodledoo!" And a blonde says, "Any cock'll do."

2006-11-06 06:00:32 · 10 answers · asked by Alex_C 2

it was Christmas Eve, and a lady hadn't had sex in a long time, so she decided to wait for Santa. When he came down the chimney, she took off her shirt and said, "Ooh Santa, please stay."
And he said, "Ho ho ho, guess I better go, gotta get toys to children, ya know."
So she took off her pants and said, "No no - please stay."
And he replied, "Ho ho ho, guess I better go, gotta get toys to children, ya know."
So she took off everything else, and said, "Ooh, please stay."
And he said, "Hey hey hey, guess I better stay, can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"

2006-11-06 05:59:48 · 7 answers · asked by Alex_C 2

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep.

A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

2006-11-06 05:59:11 · 15 answers · asked by Alex_C 2

A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.
The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, "What gives?"
And the waiter says, "Senor, the bullfighter doesn't always win!"

2006-11-06 05:58:30 · 11 answers · asked by Alex_C 2

and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given the prognosis, Morris asks his wife if they can make love - Naturally, she agrees.
About 6 hrs later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hrs to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hrs left. He touches his wife's shoulder and asks, "Honey, please . . . just one more time before I die."
She says, "Of course, dear," and they make love for the third time. After this session, the wife rolls over and falls to sleep.
Morris, however, worried about his impending demise, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could . . .?"
At this point the wife sits up and says,
"Listen, Morris, I have to get up in the morning . . . you don't."

2006-11-06 05:54:54 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

One of my favorite crushes, as far as movies are concerned, is Sandra Dee. I used to moon over a glass of wine because of that sexy she. However, Sandra was married to Bobby Darin and I dared not step over the line of gentlemanly protocols.

I thought on making this a double, or throw in some left leaning herrings, but the book is enough.

2006-11-06 05:52:03 · 4 answers · asked by Terry 7

He humiliated me with prank conference calls forwarding me onto some stranger who i dont even know; him and his friend were listening in as we spoke on the phone trying to figure out what was going on...laughing at us - this happened within 2 months, but not that often

Any ideas how i can get him back - nothing too major or nasty....something on the same level which shouldnt cost me or him anything apart from him feeling how i felt....

Thanks

2006-11-06 05:51:19 · 10 answers · asked by Miss Terious 3

two hichhikkers. One female and the other male. They look clean enough to give a ride to so you pull over and let them in.
They need a ride to town which is only 5 more miles. You stop with them at the hotel and they want to repay you for your kindness. You follow them to there room.
The girl is very hot and the guy looks total jock.
As you walk inside she takes off her clothes and they other guy
just starts taking off his clothes.
What do you do???

2006-11-06 05:50:55 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich."
The second lady chimed in, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down."
The third one responded," Well, I'm glad I don't have that problem, knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them...
"That must be the door, I'll get it!"

2006-11-06 05:48:32 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little Johnny watched his daddy's car pass by the school playground
>and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt
>Jane in a passionate embrace.
>
>Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could not contain himself as
>he
>ran home and started to tell his mother. "Mommy, I was at the playground
>and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane."
>
>I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped
>her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off,
>then
>Aunt Jane..... At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is
>such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time.
>I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."
>
>At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny
>started his story, "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into
>the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a
>big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped
>Daddy
>take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing
>that Mommy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was in the Army."
>
>Then Mommy fainted!
>

2006-11-06 05:48:22 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-06 05:45:53 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

the place is called the jewlery strore and all the girls have names of like gems like jade, jasmin or amber and all the girls are called the gem girls the motto or slogan of the club is with the right amount you can have a gem in your lap

so if u can't affpoird those stupid $1000 one coem down to my mother room and u can touch them all!!

2006-11-06 05:32:58 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

three men and two women left on the isle land.....
three men where all white and the one lady was short and fat
and the other was tall and ugly.
Which one would have more action?
If you were the lady or the man.
What would you do?

2006-11-06 05:30:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side " When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was take off my trousers," he said. "I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on. When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large. "I told her, "of course they're too big. I wear the trousers in this family and I always will." Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem."
Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them.
"Exactly," replied Jack. "I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will. I don't want you to forget that".
Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. "Try these on," she said, so he tried them on but they were too small.
"I can't possibly get into your knickers," said Jack.
"Exactly," replied Jill. "And if you don't change your attitude, you never will."

2006-11-06 05:27:01 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time. Her doctor recommended that she see, the well-known Chinese sex therapist, so she went to see him.

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose."

The woman did as she was told.

"Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room."

Again, the woman did as she was instructed.
Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."

So she did.

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"

Dr. Chang looked the woman in the eye and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face rook Ed Zachary rike your a$s!"

2006-11-06 04:55:27 · 17 answers · asked by ♣fo' by fo'♠ 3

what would U hate for someone to walk up & do to them? & why

2006-11-06 04:35:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-06 04:24:12 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

bulb give off light or does it suck in the dark

2006-11-06 04:14:39 · 9 answers · asked by Steve C 5

2006-11-06 04:04:23 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

okay theres this guy that was enviting his girlfriend to his house so they can have you know what but the guy had a bunkbed and his younger brother sleeps on the bottom so when him and his girlfriend got on top he said just so we dont make obvouis just say lettuce tamato so they started and she was lettuce tamato lettuce tamato lettuce tamato and his younger brother woke up and was eh guys stop putting mayo on my face.....do you get the joke

2006-11-06 03:56:43 · 26 answers · asked by Luis 4

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.

One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!

As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could.

After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope........just when it's raining."

2006-11-06 03:52:36 · 20 answers · asked by slvrZ28grl 3

If tickling were used as a method to obtain Information,?
where would you have to be tickled for you to give up all Information? & why?

2006-11-06 03:49:31 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous