Jokes & Riddles - November 2006

somebody sent me this SMS but i m not ablle to solve it pls help

2006-11-05 21:37:03 · 13 answers · asked by siera 1

My vibro, which brings me heaven,
Rabbit be thy name.
Til kingdom come
thy makest me c u m,
on earth but sent from heaven.
Give me this day my dailly thrill,
and forgive me my screams,
as i forgive flat batteries.
Lead me not into temptation,
but deliver me from frustration.
for thine is the rotation,
the power and the buzzing,
for ever and ever,
no men!

2006-11-05 21:20:27 · 20 answers · asked by Mrs Chicagosgirl!! 5

A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.


Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The Blonde replied, "Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?"

Finally a "Smart Blonde" joke. :-)

2006-11-05 21:16:35 · 5 answers · asked by 【ツ】ρεαcε! 5

they run off with the cops chasing after them. they come to an old barn and decide to go hide in there. they come across some old heshin sacks and decide thats where they will hide. the cops finally bust into the barn, start kicking at the sacks, they came to the one with the brunette and gave it a kick so she goes "MEOW" they go to the next with the red head in it and kick that too and they hear "WOOF" finally come to the bag with the blonde hiding they kick the bag and she yells out "POTATOES"

2006-11-05 21:14:12 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

someone ppl call me rude some call me funny some say i need to know my limits when i joke with people and i AM NOT loved by old people i just dont know why .. there'r some stuff i said to some people.. me and my friend were walking down the street saw this old old old old old man with a big huge box my friend asked whats that for i said thats his coffin he bring it with him where ever he goes just incase !! the old dude heard me gave me a 30 mins lecture as soon as he finished his cell phone(in his pocket) starts flashing my friend again asked what thats i said thats his brain just getting start to work.. people these days cant take a joke !they need to lose up lil bit everything we see on tv is " 30 ppl got killed" "2 soldiers were found dead in iraq" " bin ladin is this bin ladin is that" theres no good funny shows anymore.. its all about killing!! my aunt says i go too far with my jokes the other night she wanted to babysit her 3 kids(i dunno how to deal with kids) she called me ..

2006-11-05 21:12:22 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

I don't have a clue ...

2006-11-05 21:10:20 · 4 answers · asked by raj 2

What is the best practical joke you ever pulled? Mine was giving a girl in my building some laxitive tea when she called me at 2am to ask if I had any tea she could drink for a cold! It must have worked because 20 min later she called and asked me if that tea had any side effects! Of course I never told her to drink 8 bags at once like she did!

2006-11-05 20:49:23 · 3 answers · asked by duke4172 3

the doctors because he thinks she might be ill. The doc says I will do a blood test come back next week. A week later he goes back and the doctor says this case has got the medical profession baffled at the moment. Why what is it the bloke asks? Well it seems to be two conditions that have turned into one. it's a cross between amnesia and aids, here's what to do. Take for a day out somewhere and leave her there, if she finds her way home don't f**k her!!!!!

2006-11-05 20:46:47 · 15 answers · asked by Shredder 6

Also, name the actor who immortalised the dialogue

2006-11-05 20:41:09 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

YES WE CAN - Make it easy for Yahoo to log the identity of those who simply report 'abuse' for the fun or spite of it!

JUST COPY AND PAST THE FOLLOWING AFTER EVERY ONE OF YOUR ANSWERS OR QUESTIONS:

I think Yahoo Q&A should start logging the people who report all 'Abuse' and 'Violation' claims - then they would be able to identify those who are set on destroying Yahoo Q&A. - MESSAGE TO ABUSE REPORTER:report this for abuse and get your identity logged as a 'Yahoo Negative Poster' on YOUR records. You deserve it.

2006-11-05 20:31:26 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

a professor was giving his lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his 1st year medical students. Realising that this was not the most riveting of subjects he decided to lighten the mood of the lecture slightly. Pointing to a young woman in the front row he said "Do u know what your ass hole is doing while you are having an orgasm?" "Probably out fishing with his mates" she replied.

2006-11-05 20:31:26 · 10 answers · asked by ? 5

A few years back, I got a stupid email that said if I sent it to a bazillion people I would get the answer . . . well I never got the answer. The question is:

There are only three words in the English language that end with the letters "gry" One is "angry" another is "hungry" what is the last word?

2006-11-05 20:16:24 · 6 answers · asked by Sera B 3

A little boy got the tricycle he wanted for Christmas. He was so excited that he went outside and began breaking it in.

All the sudden, a cop on a horse came to the young man and asked, "Son, did Santa give you that bike for Christmas?"

The little boy, knowing there was no Santa, looked at the officer and replied, "Uh, I guess you could say that."

The officer looked at the boy and said, "Next time tell Santa to put some reflectors, a light, and a horn on it. Now, stay off that tricycle until you get those things fixed.!"

The little boy, crushed, got off his bike. But as the officer began to leave, the boy hollared, "Hey Officer, did Santa give you that horse for Christmas?"

The cop looked down at the boy and said, "Yeah, I guess you can say that."

The boy said, "Well, next time you ought to tell him to put the dick on the bottom and not the top."

2006-11-05 20:10:44 · 6 answers · asked by Sera B 3

im bored just answer it!!!

2006-11-05 20:03:29 · 8 answers · asked by DOMINATUS 3

Explain why . . . . .

The guy is scared to go home because of the man in the mask at home.

2006-11-05 19:59:38 · 8 answers · asked by Sera B 3

The answer is; WARM and FUZZY! What is the question?

2006-11-05 19:30:50 · 9 answers · asked by PappySmurfer 3

A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that
read Unique Breakfast, so he walked in and sat down.

The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he
wanted.

"What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked.

"Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied.

"Baked tongue of chicken? Baked tongue of chicken! Do you
have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even
consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's
mouth!" he fumed.

Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like, then?"

"Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.

2006-11-05 19:23:57 · 16 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

That an Asteroid is not a rectal desease.......

2006-11-05 19:03:55 · 6 answers · asked by barrettins 3

Important am I
Im always found in the same place
4 wings have i but cannot fly
the wind is in my face

What am I?

2006-11-05 18:13:23 · 27 answers · asked by slider 1

I'm going into hospital with food poisoning , i ate a daffodill bulb instead of an onion , the doc says i'l be out in the spring !

2006-11-05 18:00:41 · 23 answers · asked by nicemanvery 7

I had this riddle written down on a piece of paper I just found, but I didn't write the answer on the paper. It was from about a year ago. Has anyone heard this riddle? I was thinking the answer *could* be "friends," but I'm not sure. Has anyone heard this riddle and know for sure?

2006-11-05 17:48:43 · 11 answers · asked by SmartoGuy 3

- We don't keep firearms in this house.

- Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

- You can't feed that to the dog.

- I thought Graceland was tacky.

- No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

- Wrasslin's fake.

- Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

- We're vegetarians.

- Do you think my hair is too big?

- I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

- Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?

- Who's Richard Petty?

- Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

- Deer heads detract from the decor.

- Spitting is such a nasty habit.

- I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

- Trim the fat off that steak.

- Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

- The tires on that truck are too big.

- I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

- I've got it all on a floppy disk.

- Unsweetened tea tastes better.

- Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

- My fianc�e, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

- I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

- Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

- Checkmate.

- She's too old to be wearing that bikini.

- Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

- Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

- I don't have a favorite college team.

- I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

- Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

- Elvis who?

2006-11-05 17:48:03 · 6 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

I need to find an appropriate spanish joke for my class and i can't find one, it can be a few sentences long but not too long!! please help

2006-11-05 17:46:10 · 4 answers · asked by mexicanthug 2

2006-11-05 17:39:30 · 8 answers · asked by ? 2

I see it as half empty

2006-11-05 17:39:09 · 14 answers · asked by ? 4

2006-11-05 17:34:57 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-11-05 17:31:13 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

it is a riddle!

2006-11-05 17:28:41 · 5 answers · asked by nicholas s 1

A blonde decides to try horseback riding even though she has had no lessons & no prior expierience.She mounts the horse unassisted &the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at A steady & rhythmic pace but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle.In terror she grabs for the mane but can't get A firm grip.She tries to throw her arms around the horses neck but she slid down the side of the horse anyway.The horse gallops along seemingly unaware of it's falling rider.Finally giving up her frail grip the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse & throw herself to safety.Unfortunately,her foot geets caught in the stirrup & she is now at the mercy of the horses pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over & over...
As her head is pounded against the ground she is mere moments away from unconsciousness when to her great fortune Bobby,the Wal-Mart greeter see's her & un plugs the horse.

2006-11-05 17:17:56 · 16 answers · asked by Daddy's Girl 2

Tim and Tod where swimming side by side. Tim told tod that he saw an apple turn into an orange. How is that so?

(Mind you, they are ducks)

2006-11-05 17:11:14 · 9 answers · asked by aufrecht_melcher_grossaspach_05 1