Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Police think he Topped Himself!

2006-10-22 05:31:16 · 25 answers · asked by jabelite 3

Pumpkin.


haha!

2006-10-22 05:28:53 · 15 answers · asked by cynthetiq 6

2006-10-22 05:26:52 · 13 answers · asked by lulu 6

it will explode in their gut so don't try it.

2006-10-22 05:24:46 · 11 answers · asked by ? 4

The police charged one and let the other one off!

2006-10-22 05:20:40 · 16 answers · asked by jabelite 3

mine just did.

2006-10-22 05:11:45 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Questions that have Confused humankind!!

a.. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

a.. Who was the first person to say "See that chicken there....I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

a.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

a.. Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

a.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

a.. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

a.. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

a.. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

a.. Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

a.. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

a.. What do you call male ballerinas?

a.. Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??

a.. If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why
didn't he just buy dinner?

a.. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

a.. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

a.. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

a.. Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

a.. Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?

a.. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

a.. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ***?

a.. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?

a.. Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

2006-10-22 05:10:39 · 15 answers · asked by T K 2

2006-10-22 05:08:09 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 05:04:55 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

So,
-what did an oven say to a girl?
-You turn me on!

haha!

2006-10-22 05:01:46 · 19 answers · asked by Tachana 2

2006-10-22 04:41:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

I went to a muslim birthday party yesterday.You want to see how fast they pass the f----n parcel

2006-10-22 04:41:35 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-22 04:40:47 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

This sheep farmer hired a French guy (who didn't speak much English) for castrating some of his male sheep,he was a good worker. After the 1st day, he successfully castrated 14 sheep and this French guy was about to throw away the "parts", but the sheep farmer yelled, "No! Don't throw! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them 'sheep fries'."
Later that day, the French guy joined them for supper, and indeed the 'sheep fries' were tasty. The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and had another supper of 'sheep fries'.
The 3rd day, when the sheep farmer came home, he couldn’t find the French guy and asked his wife where he is, and she said, "YOU KNOW, IT'S THE WEIRDEST THING! I TOLD HIM SINCE THERE WEREN'T MANY 'SHEEP FRIES' 2DY, WE WERE ALSO GOING TO HAVE FRENCH FRIES, AND HE RAN LIKE HELL!!"

2006-10-22 04:39:26 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner,then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

2006-10-22 04:24:10 · 15 answers · asked by Mr.Why? 2

Q. What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
A. A tran-sister.

Q. What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?
A. I can't see a thing with all this **** in here!

Q. Why do women wear black underwear?
A. They are mourning for the stiff they buried the night before.

Q. How do you know when a male porn star is at the gas station?
A. Right before the gas stops pumping he pulls out the nozzle and sprays it all over the car.

Q. What's the difference between a toad and a horny toad?
A. One goes "ribbit" the other goes "rub it".'

Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you're feeding a horse.

.......................................................................

2006-10-22 04:17:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

If 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea does that mean the fifth one enjoys it

2006-10-22 04:16:37 · 9 answers · asked by Mr.Why? 2

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess.

But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; metal, wood, stone, anything she touched would melt. Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her. The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed and came up with a plan.

The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a sword of the finest steel.

But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly.

The second prince brought diamonds.

He thought diamonds are the hardest substance in the world and would not melt. But alas, once the princess touched them, they melted. He too was sent away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there."

The princess did as she was told, though she turned red.

She felt something hard.
She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!!

The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question:

What was in the prince's pants?

(Scroll down for the answer)


M&M's of course.
They melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

What were you thinking?

2006-10-22 04:16:25 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

I thought about how mothers feed their babies
with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered
what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

2006-10-22 03:59:55 · 10 answers · asked by Mr.Why? 2

O|V|G \/\/h47 iz 7eh |3Es7 l337 w34p0n? ROFLZ!!!!!111

2006-10-22 03:42:16 · 17 answers · asked by superman50196 2

If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain
silent?

2006-10-22 03:32:22 · 15 answers · asked by Mr.Why? 2

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"


QUIET SEX
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"


CONFOUNDED SEX
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX
A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"


WOMEN'S HUMOR
Nora's husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This will make you happy tonight." He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, she squirted it all over the doorknobs and he couldn't get back in.


A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman says..... "I'll miss you."

2006-10-22 03:32:10 · 17 answers · asked by Rick Harley 3

I'm looking 4 LMFAO ROTF funny!!!

2006-10-22 03:27:32 · 10 answers · asked by msnmlls 3

Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "You know, when I was 30 years old and got a erection I couldn't bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40 years old I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50 years old I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I'm gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand" "So," says the second drunk, "what's your point?" "Well," says the first, "I'm just wondering how much stronger I'm gonna get!"

2006-10-22 03:25:47 · 15 answers · asked by arfa54321 5

2006-10-22 03:21:41 · 19 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

2006-10-22 03:21:03 · 14 answers · asked by MojoMan 6

2006-10-22 03:20:48 · 51 answers · asked by Anonymous

free pork. lol.

2006-10-22 03:20:45 · 7 answers · asked by thatdude 2

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in a small yorkshire village wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townsfolk sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Lucifer appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Lucifer a bit. Lucifer walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don't you know who I am?" The man says, "of course i do"

Lucifer says, "Well, aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "hell no of course i'm not"

Lucifer, concerned, says, "And why aren't you afraid of me?" The man says, "hey man i have been married to your god damned sister for 25 years thats why"

2006-10-22 03:20:24 · 9 answers · asked by arfa54321 5

2006-10-22 03:20:17 · 25 answers · asked by MojoMan 6