what's the funniest joke you've heard of?

Question

I'm looking 4 LMFAO ROTF funny!!!

Answer 1

my funniest joke is also my dirtiest.
If you have delicate sensibilities, please look away now.

There are three tampons sitting on a bench.
Which one speakes first??




None of them, they are all stuck up c**ts.
:))))

Answer 2

idk if u think this is funny but here it goes

this isn't supposed to be offensive and is pretty dirty so look away if u don't want to see it

Ok there's two midgets traveling for the weekend and they stop and pick up to hookers along the way. So they stay at a motel with them and have there own room with the hooker so, the first midget couldn't get it to stay up long enough and it made it even worse when he heard from his twin in the room next door. "One, two, three, UGHH" "One, two, three UGHH" repeating over and over again through the whole night. The next morning after dropping the hookers off the first midget tells his brother "Man, last night sucked I couldn't get it to stay up long enough to do anything." then the second midget replies "Psh your lucky I couldn't even get on the bed"


lmfao I love that one =]

Answer 3

I think this one is funny cuz its true


Girls Power

A little boy is playing with his new football and a little girl asks if she can play. He tells her, "No. These are for boys."

The little girl runs into the house and tells her mother. The next day the girl sticks her tongue out at the boy and waves her new football in his face. The little boy angrily points to his boy's bike and says, "Oh yeah? Well, only boys can get these!"

But the next day, the little girl has the same bike. The little boy gets furious, pulls down his pants, points to his unit, and says, "Look, only boys have these and your mom can't buy you one!"

The next day he walks by and the little girl promptly pulls up her dress, points to her bits, and proclaims, "My mother tells me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of those as I want.

Answer 4

two blondes go to the movies in their new convertible. after the movie, they go to the car park and realise they have left the keys in the car and the cars locked. at first, they stand around and think, then one pulls out a coat hanger and has a go at the lock. The other blond keeps looking up at the sky, and then she says: Come on, hurry up, its gonna rain and we left the roof down!!

another blonde one (dont worry im not against blondes i just think theyre funny):
a blond goes to an electronics store, and after a quick look around, she tells a salesperson: I would like to buy that TV over there.
The salesperson goes: sorry we dont sell to blondes.
the next day the blond comes back as a redhead. then she goes back to the salesperson and says: would like to buy that TV over there.
The salesperson goes: sorry we dont sell to blondes.
the next day she comes back as a brunette, and again, she tells the salesperson: would like to buy that TV over there.
and again, the salesperson goes: sorry we dont sell to blondes.
the blond gets red in her face and throws the wig to the ground with all her might. she screams: I came in here as a redhead, then even as a brunette. HOW DO YOU STILL KNOW IM A BLOND?!?!?!
The salesperson says calmly: Well, that isn't a TV, its a microwave!


Sorry i realy like that one. hehe well i hope u like em too!

Answer 5

A blonde continues strolling down her force to her mail field. She continues doing this till her neighbor asks her why she is doing that. The blonde replies "My pc continues telling me that I've bought mail". ----------------------------------------... An eighty 12 months historic couple had been having issues remembering matters, in order that they determined to visit their surgeon to get looked at to make certain not anything used to be fallacious with them. When they arrived on the medical professionals, they defined to the surgeon approximately the issues they had been having with their reminiscence. After checking the couple out, the surgeon instructed them that they had been bodily k however would wish to begin writing matters down and make notes to aid them consider matters. The couple thanked the surgeon and left. Later that night time at the same time looking TV, the person bought up from his chair and his spouse requested, "Where are you going?" He answered, "To the kitchen." She requested, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" He answered, "Sure." She then requested him, "Don't you consider you will have to write it down so you'll be able to consider it?" He mentioned, "No, I can consider that." She then mentioned, "Well I could additionally like a few strawberries on best. You had greater write that down when you consider that I recognise you can fail to remember that." He mentioned, "I can consider that, you wish a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." She answered, "Well I additionally could like whipped cream on best. I recognise you'll fail to remember that so that you greater write it down." With inflammation in his voice, he mentioned, "I do not have to write that down! I can consider that." He then fumes into the kitchen. After approximately 20 mins he again from the kitchen and passed her a plate of bacon and eggs. She stared on the plate for a second and mentioned angrily: "I TOLD you to jot down it down! You forgot my toast!" ----------------------------------------... The sufferer says, "Give me the dangerous information first!" Doctor replies, "You've bought AIDS." "Oh, no! What would be worse than that?" asks the sufferer. "You've additionally bought Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the sufferer says, "Oh...Well, that is now not so dangerous. At least I should not have AIDS."

Answer 6

Here's one: what did the sea say to the sand?
Nothing. He just waved.
(not the funniest ever, but at least i tried)

Answer 7

Once upon a time a baby was born who was so advanced, he could talk.
He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.
"Are you my doctor?" he asked. "Yes, I am," said the doctor.
The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth."
He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" "Yes, I am," she said.
"Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.
He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?"
"Yes, I am," his father answered.
The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger seven times saying, "I want you to know that THAT HURTS!"

Answer 8

theres this one i just saw this it goes like this : there's a guy and a girl and they want to have sex so they go to the girl's house and before entering her room, the girl stops and says, "my little sister sleeps on the bottom bunk of our bed and i dont want her to know wat we're doing so when i say "Baloney" it means push harder and when i say "pastrami" it means push softer. with this the two get on the bunk and start having sex first the girl moans 'Baloney'! 'Baloney'! 'Baloney'! then she shouts 'Pastrami'! 'Pastrami'! 'Pastrami'! then she changes back to 'Baloney'! 'Baloney'! 'Baloney'! finally the girl's sister yells ''Will u guys quit making sandwiches up there? ur getting mayonnaise all over me"!.

Answer 9

"A blonde walks into a bar...ouch." I think it is so funny because most people don't "get it" for a long while.

Answer 10

lot of the dirty humor on aha! jokes or eBaum's world