Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Willys cynical thought for the fugging day;

Teach your kid to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freaking freeway!

Lizard's ol lady, who was a bit rotund, was at her weight-watchers meeting. "My ol' man insists I come to these meetings," she lamented to the heifer sitting next to her, "cause he would rather screw a woman with a trim figure.

"Well," the heifer replies, "what's wrong with that? You'll feel better too."

"Ya don't understand," she answered, "he likes to do it while I'm stuck here at these damn meetings."

http://www.willyblues.com/

2006-10-31 12:52:57 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

German coast guard sent to England to learn english: his fisrt call is from the captain of a cruise ship. Captain to coast guard "May Day.May Day, we are sinking, Coast Guard: vot? Captain: we are sinking, Coast Guard : What are you sinking????

2006-10-31 12:38:07 · 5 answers · asked by glasgow girl 6

how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next minute you're just driving real fast, swerving back and forth across the road?

2006-10-31 12:34:34 · 11 answers · asked by Queen of the Wicker People 2

A man was inside a box without being able to come out. It is a closed box. The only thing he has is a mirror, a saw, and a table.

Hint: it is a word problem.

2006-10-31 12:34:00 · 10 answers · asked by f1E2l3i4p5E 1

2006-10-31 12:22:03 · 8 answers · asked by stephenjlb 3

2006-10-31 12:20:34 · 26 answers · asked by chris m 1

The cost of making only the maker knows,
Valueless if bought, but sometimes traded.
A poor man may give one as easily as a king.
When one is broken pain and deceit are assured.

2006-10-31 12:10:35 · 12 answers · asked by Flower 4

Answer will be given tomorrow if you don't get it tonight, but I think that you probably will.

2006-10-31 12:10:31 · 14 answers · asked by ♥Pamela♥ 7

i knew the answer but forgot it lol.. here it is:

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-10-31 11:57:11 · 12 answers · asked by coolchess123 3

Mohandas Gandhi was a revered yogi and chose to live a rugged and ascetic lifestyle. He often went barefoot and as a result, developed calloused feet. He ate a sparing vegetarian diet including many beans and developed bad breath. He also went on a number of fasts which caused him to become somewhat weak.

He was a 'super-calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis'.

2006-10-31 11:51:46 · 30 answers · asked by Smo 4

I received a text message yesterday. It read

Msg: www.dating.com:
Your lonely Hearts ad has been on our site for 8 weeks now without any response. Would you like to try it for an extra week without the photograph ?

Should I withdraw my subscription ?

2006-10-31 11:48:54 · 13 answers · asked by deep.blue62 2

2006-10-31 11:42:53 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2006-10-31 11:32:52 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

must include:
a duck
a paper plate
laundry and
green snowman

2006-10-31 11:10:10 · 16 answers · asked by dfksone 2

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town.
He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a large, blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says, "I've heard just about enough of your degrading blond jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's hair have to do with their worth as a human being?" The ventriloquist looks on in amazement.
"It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community," she continued,
"and of reaching my full potential as a person because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women at large... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize. The blonde interjects, "You stay out of this, mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

2006-10-31 11:03:59 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-31 10:58:34 · 7 answers · asked by whyalemon 1

I am Not! that stupid after all. She shows him a perfectly finished off picture puzzle, of the cookie monster. She says, it says on the box, 2-4yrs, i did it in 51 days!!!!









sorry, no more, i am getting into trouble, goodnight!!

2006-10-31 10:27:34 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

what men would do if they had a vagina for a day:
10.immediatly go shopping for zucchini and cumcumbers
9.Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half
8.see if they could finally do a spilt.
7.See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball over 20 feet.
6.cross their legs without rearraging their crotch.
5.Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 min....BEFORE clossing time.
4.Have consectutive multiple organisms and still be ready for more without sleeping first.
3.Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask for it to be recorded on video
2.sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too.
1.finally find that damned g-spot!

2006-10-31 10:27:13 · 14 answers · asked by ♥ sexylove ♥ 1

2006-10-31 10:24:51 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Fred and Mary got married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to Fred's Mom and Dad's for their first night together.

The next morning, Johnny, Fred's little brother, gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mom if Fred and Mary are up yet. She replies, "No".
Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
She replies, "No."
Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies,"Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?"
His mom says, "No."
He asks, "Do you know what I think?"
His mom replies, "Ok, now tell me what you think?"
He says, "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue."

2006-10-31 10:22:52 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://img50.imageshack.us/img50/7306/celticfans4jskr0.jpg

The guy on the right or the left

2006-10-31 10:17:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

well it wouldnt look good if she had to keep powdering her nose now would it?

2006-10-31 10:16:46 · 11 answers · asked by crunchymonkey 6

He was on letterman last evening. Funny as heck. Not everyone might share the same view though. It certainly was thought provoking though...

2006-10-31 10:01:04 · 9 answers · asked by snorkelman_37 5

The World is my Stage, your misfortune, my happiness
I visit you day or night, the time is no matter
What you miss, is what i have gained, What Am I?

2006-10-31 09:59:38 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-31 09:57:23 · 17 answers · asked by ..:: 4NN3 MON D4H HOOPS::.. 2

OK me and my friend where joking about that and we wanted to know what ppl would say about in a question so plz answer just to get 2 points if u have too!!!!

2006-10-31 09:56:44 · 7 answers · asked by ~Manda_Panda~ 2

Head On applyed directly to the forehead......Head On applyed directly to the forehead.....Head On applyed directly to the forehead.....Head On applyed directly to the forehead.....Head On applyed directly to the forehead.....Head On applyed directly to the forehead.....Head On applyed directly to the forehead....Head On applyed directly to the forehead...Head On applyed directly to the forehead..............................CAUSE I AM DONT

2006-10-31 09:56:40 · 12 answers · asked by Just_Here_3 aNSWER 1

they were fed up with the boss leaving early, so decide to do the same. The redhead went home for an early night, the brunette went to the gym, before a dinner date, and the blonde went home, walked into the bedroom, and saw her husband in bed with her boss. She says nothing, and walks out.
Next day, the brunette and redhead are schemeing to leave early again, they ask the blonde, are you coming? She says, christ, no way, i nearly got caught yesterday!

2006-10-31 09:56:22 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

At a party all those were married were there with their spouses. There were seven single people and thwo thirds of the men were married to three fifths of the women. How many were at the party? Show work.

2006-10-31 09:53:06 · 5 answers · asked by DJ Deep 3

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee. As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life breaking colts, working
cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay,
doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence, then the woman left. A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian.

2006-10-31 09:52:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous