Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

i'm pretty sure everyone has heard the one about the farmer and his stuff. he has a fox, a chicken, and a bag of rice. he has to get all 3 and himself across a river, but his boat will only hold two. if he takes himself and his rice, then the fox will eat the chicken. likewise, the chicken will eat the rice. nothing can be left on a side with what it eats. what is the answer to this?! i have'nt been able to figure it out.

2006-10-31 16:12:22 · 8 answers · asked by adam h 2

My girlfriend dumped me after 3 years of a wonderful relationship. I need something to really cheer me up right now because i am seriously depresed right now. Thank you for the help.

2006-10-31 16:04:40 · 12 answers · asked by wickboom333 2

what if you were driving down the highway in your four-wheel drive canoe, and suddenly your left wheel falls off....how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?

2006-10-31 15:54:28 · 17 answers · asked by glduke2003 4

Last years hide-n-seek winner !

2006-10-31 15:47:23 · 14 answers · asked by ty 1

and then I poop corn and you eat my poop corn, will you poop corn too?

2006-10-31 15:35:54 · 8 answers · asked by ty 1

Uhh shouldn't matter.. lol.. just want to see others answers

2006-10-31 15:15:38 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-31 15:14:41 · 11 answers · asked by PANDABEAR 5

Earl was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge, so he sent his wife Mary to the hardware store.

At the hardware store, Mary saw a beautiful teapot on a top shelf while she was waiting for Carl, the manager, to finish waiting on a customer.

When Carl was finished, Mary asked "How much for the teapot?"

Carl replied, "That's silver and it costs $300."

"My goodness that sure is a lot of money!" Mary exclaimed. Then she proceeded to describe the hinge that Earl had sent her to buy, and Carl went to the back room to find it. From the back room Carl yelled, "Mary, you wanna screw for that hinge?"

Mary replied, "No, but I will for the teapot."

2006-10-31 15:11:49 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

anybody have any funny stories of putting something down someone's crack or seeing others do it?

just for laughs...

haha once I was at a basket ball game, and there was this girl in front of my who had a HUGE butt crack showing. So me and my friend took little bits of granola bar, and we started throwing them at her, seeing if they could go in. that sounds stupid, but it was so funny, especially because the girl didn't notice, and there was a lot of granola in her crack. wonder if she was confused later on? lmao.

if you're going to whine and complain, don't bother replying. this is all in FUN and jokes.

2006-10-31 15:02:07 · 3 answers · asked by Marcy 1

I remember the good ole days when we used to get pins and razor blade in apples and chocolate bars . What the H . E double hockey sticks is going on . I did'nt see 1 egg or shaving cream covered car .
What happened to Halloween ? I was driving around all night flippin all the kids the bird and not one of em threw an egg at me !

2006-10-31 14:53:40 · 12 answers · asked by pellco 4

4 nuns are driving down an icy road when their car skids & overturns, instantly killing them all.

When the nuns arrive at Heaven's gate St. Peter says "Before I can let you into Heaven I have to know whether you have ever seen or had any sexual contact with a man."

The 1st nun, Sister Teresa, steps forward ashamedly "I have seen a man's penis". "Wash you eyes out in the holy water of the holy basin" says St. Peter "and you will be allowed into heaven". Sister Mary does this and is allowed into heaven.

The 2nd nun, Sister Helena, steps foward meekly "I have um... held a man's penis". "Wash your hands in the holy water of the holy basin" says St. Peter "and you will be allowed into Heaven" , as he is saying this he hears the other two nuns arguing over who goes next. "What is the problem?" St. Peter inquires.

"I should go 1st" shouts Sister Ann. "Why?" demands St. Peter.

"Well I aint putting my mouth in that basin after Sister Mary puts her fat ar*e in there" she replies.

2006-10-31 14:53:00 · 21 answers · asked by Vic 2

ok so im ganna ask you a few questions and to every question you awnser ruber buns and liquor. ok so wat did you eat 4 breakfast?( ruberbuns and liquor), wat did you eat for lunch? (ruber buns and liquor) wat r u ganna eat for dinner? ( ruber buns and liquor) ok so if a girl walked bye wat would you do to her??( ruber buns and liqour) hahahhahahah lol that was funny well tell me wat you think of this joke peace!!

2006-10-31 14:39:30 · 8 answers · asked by .:baby*gurl*aliyah:. 1

2006-10-31 14:26:15 · 28 answers · asked by MegGC 1

2006-10-31 14:23:36 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-31 14:16:40 · 22 answers · asked by MegGC 1

A man comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some.
"How hard is it?" she asked.
"About as hard as my dick," he replies.
To which the woman replied, "OK, then pour me some!"

2006-10-31 14:11:54 · 15 answers · asked by jazi 5

A 6-year old and a 4-year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 6-year old. "I think it's about time we started
cussing."
The 4-year old nods his head in approval. The 6-year old
continues, "When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with
'hell' andyou say something with 'as s'. The 4-year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year old
what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios."
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen
floor, gets up and runs upstairs with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step.
His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can just stay there until I let you out!"
She then comes back downstair s, looks at the 4-year old and
asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?"
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but you can bet your fat as s it won't be Cheerios."

2006-10-31 14:08:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

THE WORLDS HARDEST RIDDLEi turn polar bears whiteand I will make you cry.I make guys have to peeand girls comb their hair.I make celebrities look stupidand normal people look like celebrities.I turn pancakes brownand make your champane bubble.If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.If you look at me, you'll pop.

I DONT KNOW LOL! HELP

2006-10-31 13:55:14 · 6 answers · asked by Keylee 2

A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.
They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 401."

2006-10-31 13:50:31 · 26 answers · asked by jazi 5

There was a guy who was struggling to decide what to wear to go to a fancy costume party... Then he had a bright idea.
When the host answered the door, he found the guy standing there with no shirt and no socks on.
"What the hell are you supposed to be?" asked the host.
"A premature ejaculation," said the man. "I just came in my pants!"

2006-10-31 13:48:01 · 24 answers · asked by jazi 5

two men were sitting in their car at the beach eating a seagull sandwich, one of the men took a bite of the sandwich then a look of horror crossed his face he then picked up a gun and killed himself. why did he kill himself? its driving me nuts its a think out the box answer and it is a big answer please help meeeeeeee.

2006-10-31 13:47:57 · 4 answers · asked by puppa 1

Little Tony on Math

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a
fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"

She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU.
There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:
One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The
third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one
that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the
one with the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."


LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in
arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'", replies
TONY.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'"
"What's the ******* difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we
are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
example of a multi-syllable word?"
TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a
mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a
*******."

LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden,
he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take
a piss!!"

The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word
to use in this situation The correct word you want to use is
'urinate'. Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an
eight, but if you had bigger ****, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE TONY ON MORE GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked
for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful"
in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My
father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on
little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
called on little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father
that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ******* beautiful!'"

LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one
candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench
across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy
isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years
old." The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a
time?" Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own ******* business.

I LOVE little Tony!!!!!

2006-10-31 13:21:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Because it wanted to get to the bottom.

2006-10-31 13:18:26 · 11 answers · asked by curiouspie 2

Fold or crumple?

I've asked this question before and had alot of fun with the answers....keep em coming :)

2006-10-31 13:15:20 · 19 answers · asked by tracymcdiarmid 3

the riddle is "A man is looking at a portrait and saying brothers or sisters have i none the man in the portrait father is son of my father".

i don't have any clue what the answer is.

2006-10-31 13:07:50 · 8 answers · asked by sharukh92 1

I went to the hospital yesterday for tests. A doctor took me into his office and passed me a card. He asked me what I could see. The picture was obviously that of a man and woman having sex.
He passed me a second and it was unmistakedly a picture of two dogs having sex !
He passed me a third .... I couldn't believe my eye's.
At this point I stood up and shouted "What are you ? Some kind of pervert ?" and left the office.

Should I report this so-called 'doctor'?

2006-10-31 13:05:51 · 9 answers · asked by deep.blue62 2

2006-10-31 13:02:51 · 27 answers · asked by Hacker 3

The salesman stopped at a farmhouse one evening to ask for room and board for the night. The farmer told him there was no vacant room.
"I could let you sleep with my daughter," the farmer said, "if you promise not to bother her."
The salesman agreed. After a hearty supper, he was led to the room. He undressed in the dark, slipped into bed, and felt the farmer's daughter at his side.
The next morning he asked for his bill.
"It'll be just two dollars, since you had to share the bed," the farmer said.
"Your daughter was very cold," the salesman said.
"Yes, I know," said the farmer. "We're going to bury her today."

2006-10-31 13:01:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

a boy walked in class late without a shirt on and the teacher says," where have you been?" the boy says on blueberry hill. another boy walked in class 2 minutes later than the last with out pants on. the teacher say where have you been? he said under blueberry hill. a young lady walks in with laced panies and bra on. who was she. who ever can tell me the answer first will get the best answer if you get it right.

2006-10-31 13:00:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay, so I'm a lame-o and didn't do anything this year -- partially cause I couldn't think of anything funny.
What have you see that made you almost pee your pants? I want to get some good ideas for next year.

2006-10-31 12:56:05 · 5 answers · asked by Yummy Canadian Mummy 5