Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Cop pulled me over at 12 midnight and said " Sir , can I see your driver's registration?" (me) "Why , am I a dangerous killer or something. You gonna shot me?" (Cop)"No, sir, I only shoot "cans" with this gun." (me, mocking)" Oh, really what type of cans?" (Cop)" Well ,sir, I shoot mexicans, africans, jamaicans, and puerto-ricans" I complied fully and we parted ways peacefully

2006-10-11 12:12:30 · 10 answers · asked by icyhott4urmind 1

2006-10-11 12:09:31 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

There will be tacos served if you would like to attend this Friday

2006-10-11 12:07:49 · 7 answers · asked by SmellyMonkey 1

Some hot lesbo action!!!!

2006-10-11 12:06:48 · 15 answers · asked by icyhott4urmind 1

If Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter--ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided
that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope,because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and
kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. What do you think happened next?
I will give the answer after u guys have made some guesses.

2006-10-11 12:04:40 · 21 answers · asked by english_rose10 3

A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods, to find out what the par is for this damn hole."

2006-10-11 12:02:24 · 14 answers · asked by chuchi 1

What's your favorite drunken moment with your homies ..and on that night did u drive home..pass out...take a cab...ect..

2006-10-11 11:59:58 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous

That means for you to "eat it" and get the hell outta my way before I "shove it" down your throat.

2006-10-11 11:51:06 · 12 answers · asked by icyhott4urmind 1

2006-10-11 11:50:25 · 11 answers · asked by USC Slut 1

Bad ones would do to.

2006-10-11 11:49:48 · 15 answers · asked by Smart_Guy 4

Answer: Princess Diana's death.


Question: How come?


Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an South African,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is
Globalization!

2006-10-11 11:36:58 · 12 answers · asked by angel.2u@home 2

It has to be really funny and witty.
Can be anything.
For anytime.

2006-10-11 11:30:36 · 18 answers · asked by junsumoney 3

2006-10-11 11:28:18 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-11 11:24:50 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!'

2006-10-11 11:22:00 · 18 answers · asked by chuchi 1

The teacher asked little Johnny to use the word " definitely " in a sentence.

Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?"

The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny,"

To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely s**t my pants".

2006-10-11 11:19:57 · 14 answers · asked by chuchi 1

2006-10-11 11:18:35 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:

"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

2006-10-11 11:06:33 · 13 answers · asked by boricua(787) 3

A man has to take three animals a dog, a cat and a bird from the shore to an island in the middle of the lake. he has to take each animal sperately, one at a time, in his boat from the shore to the island. he can't ever leave the dog with the cat, or the dog will eat the cat. he can't leave the cat with the bird or the cat will eat the bird. How will he get all three animals to the island?

2006-10-11 11:00:58 · 25 answers · asked by cherrypie p 3

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

2006-10-11 11:00:57 · 13 answers · asked by boricua(787) 3

2006-10-11 10:47:09 · 51 answers · asked by seancreole 2

The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. He emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late. Those were a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart *** student in the back of the classroom waved his hand and spoke up. "But what about extreme sexual exhaustion, professor?" As you would expect, the class exploded in laughter. "Well," he responded, "I guess you'll just have to learn to write with your other hand."

2006-10-11 10:46:45 · 17 answers · asked by THJE 3

2006-10-11 10:46:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Could you put a cap on the end of cigarettes to prevent cancer? Maybe you freaks who smoke should just quit, you smelly, smokey criminals!

2006-10-11 10:39:36 · 5 answers · asked by USC Slut 1

2006-10-11 10:36:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Click on this page

http://www.eyetricks.com/scary_optical_illusion2.htm

Look at the pic, you'll see a room, there's something not quite right with it.

1st to come back with the answer gets 10 points.

Hint: concentrate on the centre of the room, it might take you a minute to get it

I love this puzzle and you'll know why once you'ved sussed the answer

2006-10-11 10:30:37 · 26 answers · asked by projetkarma 2

Sorry, asked it wrong cos your all saying the obvious. If he's walking down the street with a bike on his head HE'S HOLDING A RALEIGH

2006-10-11 09:59:23 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I?

3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I?

4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I?

5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I?

7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I?

8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I?

9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I?

10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job.

2006-10-11 09:55:46 · 13 answers · asked by ☺Smiley☺ 5

It is more evil than the devil.
More powerful than your mind
The rich need it.
The poor have it.
If you eat it, it is deadly.

What is it?
(PS-Still trying to figure this one out :p)

2006-10-11 09:42:02 · 19 answers · asked by Br 3

If you saw him walking down the street with a bicycle on his head, what would he be doing?

2006-10-11 09:42:01 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous