Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

as a joke...

2006-10-11 04:38:27 · 5 answers · asked by gaucha 3

paddy and mick had a nightmare day visiting the sperm bank in london.........
paddy missed the tube and mick came on the bus........... xx

2006-10-11 04:29:31 · 17 answers · asked by Mrs Chicagosgirl!! 5

My Dear FAIR & LOVELY (EK TUKUDA CHAND KA),

You are my TVS SCOOTY (First Love) and also my AIWA(PURE PASSION). I always
BPL (Believe in best) and you are SANSUI (Better than best). You are MC
DOWEL'S (Mera number one) love LA O PALA(Made for one). I belive in
FRESHIYA (Gorepan se jyade khoobsurti ka wada) and you are one of the most
Beautiful in this world

I think of you day and night when you give me one and only Smile you are
DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a Million of smile per day) for me. This is
COLGATE ENERGEY GEL (Seriously fresh) feeling for me.

I would like, you should be my life partner I think you are worrying about
your Father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The unshakeble) and also think
of my Father who is CEAT (Born tough) but don't worry I am also FORD ICON
(The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATOR (The
coolest one). If they will say no we will run away and marry and
PHILIPS(Lets make think better). They will feel MIRINDA (Jor ka jatka dhire
se laghe) and we Coca Cola (Jo chahe ho Jaye Coca cola enjoy)

Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) those who love each
other. And we are Wills (Made for each Other). After some time our love
will be SAMSUNG DIGITALL (Invited by all). We are HERO HONDA (Leading the
way) of our love life. Then our life is BOLERO (Beak free).

Now HYUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love you must know that love is
DAIRY MILK (The real taste of life), SATYAM ON LINE (Fun fast easy) , PARX
(always comfortable) and also AMUL (The real taste of India) for me life is
HOME TRADE (Life means more)

So never forget me. OK bye! I wrote little but PEPSI (Ye dil mange More).

LG [Digitally yours]

2006-10-11 04:23:17 · 18 answers · asked by rocky 1

Suddenly swerving, seven small swans
Swam silently southward,
Seeing six swift sailboats
Sailing sedately seaward.


Through three cheese trees three free fleas flew.
While these fleas flew, freezy breeze blew.
Freezy breeze made these three trees freeze.
Freezy trees made these trees' cheese freeze.
That's what made these three free fleas sneeze.


The great Greek grape growers grow great Greek grapes.


and the best one.... The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick

I can't say the last one fast at all. Who can?

2006-10-11 04:23:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Its the worst joke ever and all comdians have there own take on it but its the same punch line

2006-10-11 04:18:23 · 6 answers · asked by Danielle 3

My roots grow up
reaching for the sky
In Winter I thrive
but in Summer I die.

What am I?

2006-10-11 04:10:17 · 11 answers · asked by Jen J 4

> A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of wheat
> on the road. The farmer that lived nearby came to
> investigate. "Hey, Willis," he called out, "forget your
> troubles for a while and come and have dinner with us. Then
> I'll help you overturn the wagon."
>
> "That's very nice of you," Willis answered, "but I don't
> think Dad would like me to."
>
> "Aw, come on, son!" the farmer insisted.
>
> "Well, OK," the boy finally agreed, "but Dad won't like it."
>
>
> After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked the host. "I feel a
> lot better now, but I know Dad's going to be real upset."
>
> "Don't be silly!" said the neighbor. "By the way, where is
> he?"
>
> "Under the wagon," replied Willis.
>

2006-10-11 04:09:26 · 8 answers · asked by rocky 1

2006-10-11 04:05:30 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

the made who made it didnt want it,the man who bought it didnt use it and de man who used it never seen it. wat was it??

2006-10-11 03:57:43 · 22 answers · asked by saoirseEIRE 4

2006-10-11 03:21:08 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

They finally released the ingredients in Viagra! 3% Vitamin E, 2% Aspirin, 2% Ibuprofen, 1% Vitamin C, 5% Spray Starch, 87% Fix-A-Flat.
******
A well-stacked young secretary wears tight knit dresses that showed off her figure, especially when she walked. Her young, aggressive boss motioned her into his office one afternoon and closed the door. Pointing to her tightly covered derriere, he asked, "Is that for sale?" "Of course not!" she snapped angrily, blushing furiously. Unchanged, he replied quietly, "Then, I suggest you quit advertising it."

2006-10-11 03:20:25 · 23 answers · asked by Pd 6

A bus full of senior gamblers was driving down the freeway, returning from two days in Las Vegas. A lady passenger comes forward and complains to the driver that some male creep had crawled along the floor and fondled herunder her dress. The driver tells her he'll stop as soon as the opportunity presents itself.

As the driver was searching for a good spot to pull over, another female passenger comes forward, complaining of being fondled, too. To the driver's mind, this constitutes an emergency, so he immediately pulls over onto the shoulder and brings the bus to a screeching halt. He proceeds to go back to find the culprit and spies this little baldheaded guy crawling on all fours along the floor of the bus. He confronts the guy and asks him what he's doing on the floor.

"Well," replies the little fellow, "I lost my toupee a few miles back and I thought I'd found it twice until I realized mine's parted on the side."

2006-10-11 03:04:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the
last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset. Upon making
several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was
another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was
embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.
In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the
bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window. A drunk was walking by
the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and
swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off him
and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.
As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the
sheets,a hospital security guard (barely containing his laughter) who had
watchedthe whole incident walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"
The drunk, still staring down, replied: "I'm not sure but I think I just
beat the **** out of a ghost". Happy Halloween!

2006-10-11 02:59:33 · 16 answers · asked by hlpz76 4

If so post them here so I can have a laugh. I would post my favourite one but it's rude and will probably get reported :(

2006-10-11 02:49:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Gatiep was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone
there is to know.
Just name someone, anyone, and I know them"
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Gatiepie, how
about Tom Cruise?"
Gatiep replied "Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it."


So Gatiep and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's
door and Tom Cruise shouts, " Gatiepie! What's happenin?!? Great to
see
you! Come on in for a beer!
lthough impressed, Gatiep`s boss is still sceptical.

After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Gatiep that he thinks him
knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Gatiep says. "President Bush," his
boss
quickly retorts. "Yup," Gatiepsays, "Old buddies, let's fly out to
Washington."
nd off they go. At the White House, Bush spots Gatiep on the tour and
motions him and his boss over, saying, " Gatiepie, what a surprise, I
was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in
and
let's
have a cup of coffee first and catch up."


Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced.
After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to
Gatiep, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"The pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Gatiep. "My folks are from
Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."


So off they fly to Rome. Gatiepie and his boss are assembled with the
masses in Vatican Square when Gatiep says, "This will never work. I
can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I
know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the
balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure
enough, half an hour later Gatiep emerges with the Pope on the balcony
but by the time Gatiep returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart
attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to his boss' side, Gatiep asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope
came out on the balcony and the man next to me said: "Who the f@ck is
that on the balcony with Gatiepie?

2006-10-11 02:36:04 · 22 answers · asked by mercia b 2

“Silence in court. The suspect will now state her side of the story”

The old lady begins,
"Your honor, I’m 86 years old. So there I was, sitting on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a handsome young man came strolling up on the porch and sat beside me. He started to rub my thigh oooh!, and it felt good, Your Honor. So I didn't stop him, and he began to rub my old breasts ooooh, Your Honor. Why, Your Honor, I hadn't felt that good in years! So I just spreaded my old legs and said to him, "TAKE ME, you gorgeous handsome young man, TAKE ME!!" That's when he Yelled, "April Fooooool!" and that's when I shot the Son of aBitch!"

2006-10-11 02:28:19 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

one man went to doctor and said "doctor my son is 5 years old & he makes my lady servants pregnenents".
doctor was shocked & asked "howz that possible,he only 5".
he replied "yes doctor he makes hole in my condoms."

2006-10-11 02:18:01 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

After 40 years as a gynaecologist and having enough money, John decided to retire and take up his real love, auto mechanics. He enrolled in auto mechanics school, and studied hard. The day of final exam came and John worried if he would be able to complete the test with the same proficiency as his younger classmates. Most of the students completed their exam in two hours. But John, took the entire four hours allotted. The following day, John was delighted and surprised to see a score of 150% for his exam. He asked his professor "I never dreamed I could do this well, how did I earn a score of 150%?" The professor replied, "I gave you 50% for perfectly disassembling the car engine, awarded another 50% for perfectly reassembling the engine. I gave you an additional 50% for having done all of it through the muffler."

2006-10-11 02:05:52 · 11 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-10-11 02:05:11 · 14 answers · asked by DAADUDE 1

Airline Banter



The following are some real examples of airline banter that have been heard or reported by passengers or air crew members.



1. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan National Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"



2. Heard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendent said, "Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarilla. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the captain taxis what's left f our airplane to the gate!"



3. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercome, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax ... OH, MY GOD!" Silence followed and, after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercome and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was taling to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in the back yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

2006-10-11 02:03:01 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-11 01:58:37 · 20 answers · asked by fivelighters 4

the Titanic hit the iceberg, and was listing over.People were running in all directions, and a man on reaching the deck, saw all the mayhem and thaught he would make his way down to the bar for a last drink. The bar tender was still at his post, so the man asked for a pint of bitter.The barman returned with two pints, and the man said "I only ordered one" to which the barman replied "but it's happy hour sir"

2006-10-11 01:53:01 · 16 answers · asked by brillo 3

A man bumps into his mathematician friend on the street that he hasn't seen in 5 years. The man asks the mathematician how old his children are. The mathematician, who always replies in riddles said, "I now have three children. The sum of their ages is equal to the number of windows on the building in front of you and the product of their ages equals 36." The friend then says "I need one more piece of information." The mathematician then replies "My youngest child has blue eyes." What are the ages of the mathematicians three children?

2006-10-11 01:50:38 · 16 answers · asked by DiamondXxx 6

A young woman visited her doctor complaining of a bed wetting problem. The doctor asked her the usual questions and then asked her to go behind the screen and remove her clothes.

She was a bit shocked, but went ahead anyway. When she was undressed he asked her to stand on her hands facing a full length mirror. The young woman was even more shocked, but she thought that if It solved her problem she had better do what the doctor said.

As soon as she was in position the doctor asked her to open her legs and when she did, he put his head between them and rested his chin right on her private parts. After a few moments and some very positive 'Mmm yes, yes' type noises the doctor instructed her to get dressed again.

After she had, the doctor sat her down and informed her that the main cause of her problem was just that she was drinking far too much liquid before going to bed.

"So what did the exercise in front of the mirror tell you?"

"Well," he replied, "my wife is right, a beard would suit me"

2006-10-11 01:48:16 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

I had this question sent to me a few days ago and its been driving me mad! I cant figure it out and my friend wont tell me the answer! help me out if you can!

2006-10-11 01:37:05 · 39 answers · asked by Zoe O 1

2006-10-11 01:33:43 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

After the baby was born, the panicked Japanese father went to see the obstetrician.
"Doctor," he said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine."
"Nonsense" the doctor said. "Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted. "We're pure Asian."
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex?"
The man seemed ashamed. "I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice a month."
"There you have it!" the doctor said confidently. "It's just Rust."

2006-10-11 01:24:05 · 16 answers · asked by Pd 6

In a plane, the pilot forgot to switch off the mike when he said to a co-pilot, "I'll just have some coffee, and then I'll sleep with the stewardess, while you replace me."
In the cabin, the stewardess heard the compromising words of the pilot, so she dropped the tray and rushed to warn the pilot. A passenger said, "You don't need to hurry, daughter. He said he would first have coffee, didn't you hear?"

2006-10-11 01:19:21 · 17 answers · asked by Pd 6

A guy is standing at a urinal when he notices that he is being watched by a midget. Although the little fellow is staring at him intently, the guy doesn't get uncomfortable until the midget drags a small stepladder up next to him, climbs it, and proceeds to admire his privates at close range. "Wow," comments the midget, "Those are the nicest balls I have ever seen!"

Surprised and flattered, the man thanks the midget and starts to move away.

"Listen, I know this is a rather strange request," says the little fellow, "but I wonder if you would mind if I touched them?"

Again the man is rather startled, but seeing no real harm in it, he obliges the request.

The midget reaches out, gets a tight grip on the man's balls, and says, "Okay, hand me your wallet or I'll jump off the ladder!"

2006-10-11 01:09:18 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

you are trapped in a room with steel walls, no windows, no doors, and no hole in the ceiling. the only thing in the room is a table and a lamp. how do you get out?

2006-10-11 00:58:26 · 17 answers · asked by ridin512deep 3