Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table.

Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paul.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses."

2006-10-10 19:21:07 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel.

She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the register.

There is a Wal-Mart associate standing there with dark shades on.

She says, "Excuse me, Sir ... can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Ma'am, I'm blind, but if you will drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes."

She didn't believe him but dropped it on the counter anyway.

He said, "That's a 6' graphite rod with a Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all around rod and reel, and it's $20.00."

She says, "It is amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for, so I'll take it."

He walks behind the counter to the register, she bends down to get her purse and farts.

At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around.

He rings up the sale and says, "That will be $25.50."

She says, "But didn't you say it was $20.00?"

He says, "Yes ma'am, the rod and reel is $20.00, the duck call is $3.00, and the catfish stink bait is $2.50. Thank you for shopping WalMart."

2006-10-10 19:11:29 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Then there was the blonde who was desperate for cash. All her bills were due and she was out of checks. So she decided to kidnap a child, and use the ransom money to pay off her debts. To the park she goes. Watching the children play, until she picks out her victim.

She grabs the little boy from the swings, and writes a note: "If you want your little boy, leave $10,000 in a brown paper bag near the old oak tree tomorrow afternoon. Signed - The Blonde."

She tapes the note to the little boy and tells him to go straight home.

The next day, she goes back to the park, and sure enough, there is a brown paper bag under the old oak tree.

She opens the bag and finds $10,000 and a note: "I can't believe one blonde could do this to another!"

2006-10-10 19:09:07 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 19:00:24 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Higgledy piggledy my son john
caught in the fallout of a neutron bomb
two arms off,one leg on
thats mutation my son john

2006-10-10 18:57:39 · 20 answers · asked by colin050659 6

An old woman went to visit her daughter's place and she found her naked, waiting for her husband.

The mother asks the daughter: "What are you doing naked?"

The daughter responds: "This is the dress of love."

When the mother returns home, she strips naked and waits for her husband.


When her husband arrives, he asks her, "What are you doing naked, woman?"

She responds: "This is the dress of love."


And the husband replied, "Well, go iron it first."

2006-10-10 18:57:10 · 8 answers · asked by Dew Drop 3

Judge: Look here Mickey Mouse, I cannot grant you a divorce from Minnie.
Mickey: (stunned): Why not?
Judge: I have reviewed all the information you gave the court, but I cant find any evidence at all to support the grounds that she is crazy.
Mickey: (exasperated) Your honour! I didnt say she was crazy... I said she was Fu**ing Goofy!

2006-10-10 18:56:56 · 18 answers · asked by smithy 3

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy together.

I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."

"Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me."

She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the challenge.

"Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a man with a waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"

She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover.

Anyway, she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"

So I told her to get lost.

2006-10-10 18:37:18 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A journalist assigned to the Jerusalem bureau has an apartment overlooking the Wailing Wall.

Every day when she looks out, she sees an old bearded Jewish man praying vigorously.

Certain he would be a good interview subject, the journalist goes down to the Wall, and introduces herself to the old man.

She asks, "You come every day to the Wall. Sir, how long have you done that and what are you praying for?"

The old man replies, "I have come here to pray every day for 25 years. In the morning I pray for world peace and for the brotherhood of man.
I go home have a cup of tea, and I come back and pray for the eradication of illness and disease from the earth. And very, very important, I pray for peace and understanding between the Israelis and Palestinians."

The journalist is impressed.

"How does it make you feel to come here every day for 25 years and pray for these wonderful things?" she asks.

The old man replies, calmly, "Like I'm talking to a freaking wall."

2006-10-10 18:33:50 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

There are some animals having some other animals in their name eg:Caterpillar has Cat in it, Can you name the following?

1.A 4 legged animal in a bird.

2.A fish in an aqautic animal

3.A bird in an insect

4.A bird in the bird

5.An insect in the 4 legged animal

6.A small insect in a big animal

7.A bird in a breed of Dogs

8.A snake in a 4 legged mammal.

2006-10-10 18:32:01 · 2 answers · asked by Tickler 5

Under Islamic law, if Osama Bin Laden were to divorce his wife, would they still be brother and sister?

2006-10-10 18:13:04 · 4 answers · asked by brooster 2

What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Consider it carefully, because how you recieve it will determine your answer.

2006-10-10 17:59:30 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

a young boy is gazing out of the window and he happens to see a male and a female dog locked together."look dad! quick!" he calls to his father. Dad comes running over and looks out of the window.Searching for an explanation for his young son the father quickly says " see that dog at the rear,son?, he hurt his paw and the other dog is just helping him home". The son replies "dogs are just like people,aren't they dad?, every time you give someone a helping hand they screw you!"

2006-10-10 17:46:55 · 8 answers · asked by brooster 2

a frog goes into a bank looking for a loan. he sees a loans officer who's name on the tag is Patricia Wack. he goes over to patricia wack and says, Hi my name is Kermit Jagger and I need a loan for 30,000 to go on a vacation. Patricia says, but you are a frog! Kermit says, yeah, so? Patricia says, well do you have a job? Kermit replies, no, but my father is a famous rock musician! Patricia answers, well that's not good enough, do you have any collateral ? as a matter of fact I do replies the frog, and he pulls out a tiny ceramic elephant. Ms Wack says, I don't know about this, I will have to speak to the manager. She then goes into the managers office and says I have this frog in my office named Kermit Jagger who claims his father is a famous rock musician and wants to borrow 30,000 and all he has for collateral is this..... what is it anyway? the manager answers... it's a knick knack, Patti Wack, give the frog a loan, his old mans a Rolling Stone!

2006-10-10 17:21:36 · 22 answers · asked by brooster 2

2006-10-10 17:00:17 · 11 answers · asked by lauren 1

I guaranteed the Yankees would win the World Series in 2006.
I specifically said "I'll strip down and walk home with no clothes on if the Yankees lose to Detroit".
My friends right now say I should hand over every stitch of clothing on me and walk home!!! By "no clothes on", shouldn't I just have to hand over my outer clothes and go home in my T-Shirt and boxers???

2006-10-10 16:51:45 · 16 answers · asked by james9064011 1

2006-10-10 16:50:17 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

More powerful than god...
More evil than the devil...
Poor people have it....
Rich People need it....
and if you eat it you will die

2006-10-10 16:47:00 · 10 answers · asked by Daqueenfasho 1

This is a joke I wanted to share


A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human
Beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she
volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!?
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,
Fffff'... and before he could say "****," the Rottweiler ate him!"

2006-10-10 16:45:39 · 21 answers · asked by dragonsaver005 4

This is a joke I wanted to share


A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human
Beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.
A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered," she
volunteered.
The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become,
asked the girl to describe the incident.
"Well", she began, "I was in the back yard with my kitty and the
Rottweiler who lives next door got a running start and before we knew
it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!?
"That must've been scary," said the teacher.
"It sure was," said the little girl. "My kitty went 'Fffff, Fffff,
Fffff'... and before he could say "****," the Rottweiler ate him!"

2006-10-10 16:45:12 · 7 answers · asked by dragonsaver005 4

There are two doors. You have to pick one door. One door leads to great happiness, the other leads to great suffering. But you don't know which door is which.

However, there are two people in the room. One of them always tells the truth, but one of them always lies. But, you don't know which is which.

You can only ask one question. What question should you ask in order to determine which door leads to great happiness?

2006-10-10 16:42:49 · 18 answers · asked by PJ 3

i want to get back at my friend wo gave me like the hardest riddl in the world? i figured it out but now its time 4 revenge!!!!!1 Can any one give me a medium lenaght hard question? but it has to be clean!!!

2006-10-10 16:38:29 · 11 answers · asked by Cutie Princess101 2

He was in no real danger. Yet why didn't he run home?

2006-10-10 16:27:20 · 13 answers · asked by ruby 4

I have a question for you...Actually it's not a question..It's a puzzle.

There is one blind man, one deaf man, one dum man. One day deaf man raped and murdered blind man's wife. Dum saw it. How he will explain to blind man? (Don't tell he will explain by braille letters which is used by blind people.)

2006-10-10 16:27:02 · 9 answers · asked by mswathi1025 4

This is a series of 3 knock knock jokes. you have to do them in order for them to believe you. first two are a set up.

Knock Knock?
Whose there?
Interrupting cow.
Interupting cow...(say moo after they say cow before they can say who?)

Knock Knock?
Whose there?
Interrupting sloth.
Interrupting sloth who?
(slowly poke them, becasue sloths are slow)

Knock Knock?
Whose there?
Interruption completey uncalled for.
Interruption completey un..(slap them on the face and run!)



lol. it works better if u do all 3. i tried it with just the last one and it didnt work so good. what do u think of them(all together)?

2006-10-10 16:25:28 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

At noon on my first day as an elementary-school teacher, I marched out to the playground for my first session of yard supervision. I hadn't been out five minutes when I noticed a small boy swinging a baseball bat around in a circle, narrowly missing some kindergarten children. I spoke sharply to him, took his bat away and continued my rounds. When a colleague came out to replace me a little later, she stopped short. "Good heavens!" she blurted . "All I brought was my whistle!

2006-10-10 16:12:44 · 11 answers · asked by Ruthie1959 6

An airplane crashes on the U.S./Canada border. Where are the survivors buried?

2006-10-10 16:07:11 · 16 answers · asked by ruby 4

can you tell me hoe to make 30 cents with 2 coins and 1 of them is naot a Quarter?

2006-10-10 15:59:55 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

that begins with letter "C" example is cheerledar. i need this for halloween party. thanks a lot in advance

have a nice day to everyone ^_^

2006-10-10 15:54:17 · 13 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

Bad Bernie was in prison for seven years. The day he got out, his wife and
son were there to pick him up. He came through the gates and got into the
car.
The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."
Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."
She responded simply, "E.F."
He repeated, "F.F."
She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled.
"What's going on?"
Bad Bernie answered,
"Your mother wants to eat first!"

2006-10-10 15:39:27 · 27 answers · asked by iamigloo 6