Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75 story sky scraper.
After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the
elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb
75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and
Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by
concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25
flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can
tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill
stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor
Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will
tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in
the car!"

2006-10-10 09:04:40 · 29 answers · asked by sugarpie 2

2006-10-10 09:04:32 · 6 answers · asked by Musiqoholic 1

the lone ranger is in a saloon havin a whiskey, coz it was very cold outside they woul,nt let tonto in he was told to run on the spot to keep warm, about 15 mins later a gunman walks in and says which one of you is the lone ranger, i am hesays why, just wanna tell u ,you left your injun running outside

2006-10-10 09:01:26 · 18 answers · asked by lizzard 2

2006-10-10 08:58:30 · 6 answers · asked by Musiqoholic 1

one day a woman was taking a bath with her son.
seeing his mother pubic hair, asked her .'mom what is that'.shunning him ,she said a wash spong.
a couple of days after ,he took a bath with her again .but the mother ,shaved the day before.so the son ask .mom were is the wash sponge,shunning him again said,somebody stole it .after taking his bath,he went and play with the nabours' son.a short while after he was running home shouting mommy,mommy ,i know who stole your wash sponge.looking at him strange she asked who?

panting he said it..it..ti is nabour betty,

and she is washing dad face with it .

2006-10-10 08:57:49 · 17 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

just as he was about to go over the border into Canada
if no one gets it i will tell ya in half an hour

2006-10-10 08:45:53 · 6 answers · asked by chris w. 7

A little girl asks her dad,
"What's a penis?" So he unzips and flops it out stating proudly "That's a penis"
The little girl says "When will I get one of them?"
The dad says "When your mum goes to bingo"

2006-10-10 08:41:29 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

One evening Mike went over to his friend Terry's house to play cards with some friends.

Mike sat directly across from Terry's wife. Mike dropped a card on the floor and bent down to pick it up. When he looked across the table he saw that Terry's wife had her legs open and no panties on. He sat up and was flushed.

He went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. To his surprise Terry's wife had followed him into the kitchen and said, " Did you like what you saw?" Mike said "Yes I did." She said, Well you can get more than that but it will cost you $500." So Mike thought about this financial situation and said, "O.K." She said, "Come here tomorrow at 2:30 because Terry will be at work then." Mike said, "I'll see you then."

The next day, Mike came over, they had sex, he paid her, then he left. Later, Terry came home and asked, "Has Mike been over here today" She said, thinking she had been caught, "As a matter of fact, he did." Terry said, "Good because that fool came by my job this morning and asked to borrow $500 till this evening, and he said he would leave it with you."

2006-10-10 08:21:43 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man went to his doctor and asked him how to prolong the lovemaking experience. The doctor told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer, extending the pleasure for them and their partner.

The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."

He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he came up with a plan.

On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.

Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.

As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"

He heard, "This is the police. What's going on down there?"

The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."

Came the reply, "Well, you might as well check your brakes too while you're down there, because your truck rolled down the hill five minutes ago."

2006-10-10 08:16:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 08:14:24 · 33 answers · asked by lizzard 2

Say the first thing that comes to mind.

2006-10-10 08:14:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

why did the chicken cross the road?
its an old joke with a load of different answers, which one is the funniest? it may turn out to be none are funny but just try anyway!

2006-10-10 08:10:32 · 29 answers · asked by nippauk2001 2

Just heard that a major company has decided to stop production of a new and major breakthru sun tan lotion....it was formulated by the late Steve Irwin but the have now discovered it doesn't protect you from harmful rays

2006-10-10 08:10:15 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Need it for a party game I am planning. thanks

2006-10-10 08:09:11 · 3 answers · asked by Hysteria 4

This farmer moved to new york city to start a farm.He had only three animals to start with.One was a chicken a peacock and a donkey.But the farmer called them a cock a pullit and a @$$.Only thing is ,if the donkey(WHICH IS THE @$$)drops and turn over,it means he needs his belly scratched.So the farmer was walking down the street and the donkey dropped and turned over.So this lady was passing by,and the farmer yelled ''HEY PRETTY LADY,CAN YOU HOLD MY COCK AND PULLIT WHILE I SCRATCH MY @$$''.

2006-10-10 08:05:18 · 4 answers · asked by Da..KINGizHeRe!! 3

George Bush goes up to superman and says "why did'nt you stop the world trade centre towers collapsing.Superman says "cause i,m in a wheelchair idiot".

2006-10-10 08:04:03 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 07:58:04 · 4 answers · asked by smithy 3

couple of strangers were drinking at a cliffside bar overlooking
the ocean. Both of them look a little drunk, when one says to
the other: "Hey, look at the wind whipping up the side of that
cliff. It moves pretty fast. I'll bet I could jump off of the
ledge, catch the wind in my coat, and get lifted right back up to
the bar!"

"No way", says the other guy, "you'd fall to your death."

"Well, I'm going to try it!", says the first, and at that he walks
over, stands on the ledge, and leaps off in a swan dive. Sure
enough, he comes sailing back up in no time, and lands on his feet
right in front of the bar.

"I can't believe it!" says the second guy, "that's impossible" .
So the first drunk does it again: he jumps off the cliff, catches
the wind in his coat, and comes sailing back to the bar.

"Go ahead", he says, "try it, it's great!"

"Well, OK, I'm just drunk enough to give it a go", says the second
fellow. So he climbs the ledge and leaps off the cliff, only to
fall screaming to his death on the rocks below.

The first guy walks back to the bar and sits down to his drink.
The bartender steps over, looks him in the eye, and says to him:
"You know, you can be a real jerk sometimes when you've been
drinking, Superman".

2006-10-10 07:56:43 · 31 answers · asked by sugarpie 2

2006-10-10 07:47:41 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

She's so bad:

The roaches are anorexic
The flys pitched in to fix the screen door



















any more?

2006-10-10 07:39:29 · 10 answers · asked by twiztidsdad 5

prison cell, with two doors... one door leads to freedom...the other to certain death.....there are two wardens in the room.... one will always tell lie's....the other will always tell truth....he can ask only one question (not one to each) what question ensure's his freedom

2006-10-10 07:38:05 · 8 answers · asked by scousey1505 1

Funny Names of Real People
A. Blinkin
A. Nicholas Fivepennies
Aaron D. Tires
Aaron Jeglad
Aaron Yerfavor
Abbie Birthday
Abbie Seenia
Abe L. Tuwok
Abe Ozo
Abe Rudder
Abel N. Willan
Abner Period
Acassa Beer
Acassa Coke
Achilles Punks
Ada Burger
Adam Baum
Adam Meway
Adam Pimple
Adam Zapple
Adelaide Evening
Adolph D'Plate
Agusta Wind
Al B. Zienya
Al Beback
Al Bequerque
Al Bino
Al Cahall
Al Catraz
Al Coholic
Al Dente
Al DePantzeu
Al Fabet
Al Fresco
Al Gebra
Al Gee
Al Gore Ithem
Al K. Seltzer
Al Kaholic
Al Kickurass
Al Kida
Al Killeu
Al Ligator
Al Low
Al Lowe Vera
Al Luminum
Al Nino
Al O'Moaney
Alan A. Daiswerk
Alan D'Family
Alan Goodtime
Alba Tross
Alberto Viofive
Albie Latefordinner
Aldo Anything
Aldo Itmiselph
Aldo Kingsmen
Alec Tricity
Alex Blaine
Alex Blaine Layder
Alf A. Romeo
Alf Abet
Alf Artigan
Ali Gator
Ali Goricle
Ali Noya
Ali Tabed
Ali Tarise
Alice Nofury

Rest of the Alphabet Tom.

2006-10-10 07:36:24 · 5 answers · asked by JonnaMamma 2

Just a fun joke!

2006-10-10 07:36:14 · 5 answers · asked by xoxo77 2

You have a 3 gallon jug and a 5 gallon jug. How do you measure exactly 4 gallons in the 5 gallon jug?

2006-10-10 07:26:05 · 15 answers · asked by msbedouin 4

2006-10-10 07:23:18 · 6 answers · asked by yagurlbubblez 3

2006-10-10 06:59:48 · 8 answers · asked by msbedouin 4

2006-10-10 06:53:23 · 13 answers · asked by ☺Smiley☺ 5

2006-10-10 06:36:16 · 24 answers · asked by ☺Smiley☺ 5

What do u call a black & white thingy? With blue purple and green in it. That walks on his eyes sees through his nose, hears through nose and has eyes up his #@*?

2006-10-10 06:32:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mine is, Quasi is in the kitchen with Esmerelda and she asks him to pass the Wok, "Great, are we having chinese" he asks, "No silly, I'm ironing your shirt"

2006-10-10 06:31:45 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous