Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

....and hangs out your trousers???

A: Your granny!

2006-10-10 04:08:33 · 18 answers · asked by long_luscious_lashes 3

the other counldn't reach.

2006-10-10 04:07:55 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm.
The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?"

2006-10-10 04:05:42 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Daddy balloon mummy balloon and baby balloon. baby balloon has a bad dream and asks to share the bed with mummy and daddy balloon as he's scared. although they used to let him he had to stop coz he was getting too big. "sorry but you can't. you're getting too big now" said daddy balloon "oh please" said baby balloon "no. listen to your father" said mummy balloon (harsh parenting hey!!)

so baby balloon waits for mummy and daddy balloon to fall asleep. then he tries to sneak into their bed. but he won't fit. they were right, he was too big. so he lets some air out of mummy balloon and tries again. still won't fit. so he lets some air out of daddy balloon. still won't fit. so he lets a little bit out of himself....Bingo! he squeezed in between them and went to sleep.

Next day daddy balloon had something to say to baby balloon

"we said you couldn't stay in our bed and i'm very disappointed in you! not only have you let yourself down, you've let me down and your mother also!!"

2006-10-10 04:02:55 · 27 answers · asked by Miss Tickle 4

It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'"

"Breakfast was my idea."

2006-10-10 03:58:43 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Paddy and Mick walking by the river and they see a head sticking out of a crocodile...Paddy turns to Mick and says " look at that posh git with the lacoste sleeping "

2006-10-10 03:56:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

too much of it we will die, too little of it and we will not survive for long everyone needs it for survival,without this in the right amounts we will not live? what is it?

2006-10-10 03:55:26 · 6 answers · asked by ##$SoulStryker$## 7

Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.
"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff," -- Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life," -- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body," -- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country," -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president," -- Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it," -- A congressional candidate in Texas.

"I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them. There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." -- John Wayne

"Half this game is ninety percent mental." -- Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." -- Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle

" It's no exaggeration to say that the undecided could go one way or another" -- George Bush, US President

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" -- Lee Iacocca

"I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version," -- Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony.

"The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein," -- Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people." -- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." -- Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." -- Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." -- Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances." -- Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." -- Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

“If we let the loggers go in and cut down all the trees we wouldn’t have a problem with forest fires.” – George Bush

2006-10-10 03:52:47 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 03:48:56 · 9 answers · asked by saafich 1

"God," said Adam, "Why did you make Eve so beautiful?"
"So you would love her."

"But why did you make her so dumb?"

"So she would love you."

2006-10-10 03:45:27 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was this guy who wanted to quit smoking. He decided to use the patch to try to quit, but he was very self-conscious about it and thought that it looked ridiculous.
One day, the man was in a public bathroom standing at a urinal. He looked down at the guy standing next to him and noticed that he had a patch on his penis.

Puzzled, the man asked, "Why in the world do you have a nicotine patch on your dick?"

And the man replied, "Well, why not? It's working; I'm down to two butts a day."

2006-10-10 03:38:55 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

guy walks into a pet shop "i want a pet. but not your typical cat/dog. i want somethin special" so the pet shop guy thinks for a minute and says "i've got just the thing. a centipede! not just any centipede it can do things for you like make cups of tea and fetch newspapers!" the guy says "ok i'll take it"

so the guy gets home with his pet and wants to see if it really can do things for him. "centipede will you get me a cuppa" and moments later the centipede returned with a brew "wow. thanks. could you get us a sandwich also" - then again the centipede appeared with a sandwich. the guys amazed by this so thinks of one last thing for the pet to do. "please will you get me a paper from the shop, it's only round the corner" - "no probs" said the centipede

the guys been sat for an hour and is worried thinking his pet should be back by now. so he goes to the door to check. he looks down to see the centipeded sat there "what's takin so long?" "gimme chance to put my f*cking shoes on!"

2006-10-10 03:22:15 · 38 answers · asked by Miss Tickle 4

gran and grandad sitting down to breakfast ,
gran says do you know ....my nipples are as hot 4 you 2day as they were 50 yrs ago.
grandad says "of course they are


ones in coffee ,the others in your porridge

2006-10-10 03:14:21 · 32 answers · asked by locko550 2

2006-10-10 03:09:06 · 3 answers · asked by Geronimo 3

Sexual Research



The research worker conducting a sex survey found discrepancies between a husband's answers and his wife's.


He phoned the couple's home and said, "Mr. Pullman, something's wrong with your survey. Under 'Frequency of Intercourse' you answered, 'Three times a week' but your wife answered, 'Three times a night'."


"No, that's correct," replied Mr. Pullman, "but that's only till we pay off our second mortgage!"

2006-10-10 02:59:29 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

A new aircraft has been developed that can go half way round the world on one tank of fuel. There is only one airbase , on the equator, that can handle the aircraft. It can be refuelled in flight only by the same type of aircraft. The airforce wants to try a nonstop round the world flight to break a record. How many supporting aircraft are needed to keep the first machine in the air for the attempt? Explain in detail how it all works. There is a genuine answer.

2006-10-10 02:55:21 · 5 answers · asked by john r 3

a visitor to a mental institution asked the director how he decided which patients should be kept in....
the director said " we fill up a bath,then offer them a choice of a
tea spoon ,tea cup or a bucket & ask them to empty the bath tub"
the visitor said "oh i see, a normal person would choose the bucket, because its the biggest"


the director says "no any normal person would pull the f*c*ing plug out"
would you like a bed near the window................?

2006-10-10 02:49:56 · 32 answers · asked by locko550 2

I have six wine glasses in front of me three glasses are full and three glasses are empty. Arrange them were now empty glass is next to an empty and no full glass is next to a full glass in the least amount of moves. How can this be done?

2006-10-10 02:38:39 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man dressed all in black is walking down a country lane. Suddenly a large black car without any lights on comes round the corner and screeches to a halt.

How did the driver know there was a man in the road

2006-10-10 02:30:12 · 37 answers · asked by carlaroberts18 3

2006-10-10 02:04:36 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Best Answer goes to the first person to answer it correctly and say where I got this riddle from... It shouldn't be too hard.

2006-10-10 01:49:02 · 4 answers · asked by xxplalmxx 3

its everywhere but i dont understand wat it freakin is!!!!!!!!!

2006-10-10 01:43:20 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Common take ur time...Dont rush at this...

2006-10-10 01:40:16 · 14 answers · asked by preeteshanjay 1

2006-10-10 01:24:35 · 16 answers · asked by momma_x5 1

You would have thought one of them would have seen it

2006-10-10 01:16:03 · 14 answers · asked by TOP DOG 4

If Washington's wife went to Washington While Washingtons Wash woman washed Washingtons woolies how many W's in All?

2006-10-10 01:15:59 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous

As i walked out till i came in.
I saw Death that Life was in.
Some were bound,and some were free.
Answer that you're as good as me

2006-10-10 01:10:06 · 24 answers · asked by colin050659 6

say this as fast as you can, it's funny to me hope you like it---

there was a feller, he felst smart...there where 2 fellers, they both felt smart....then there where 3 fellers, they all felt smart..

now say it fast and corrrectly...the point is to get tongue twisted

2006-10-10 01:08:52 · 7 answers · asked by Holly D 3

That the other blondes noticed ??? THATS dumb

2006-10-10 01:06:34 · 9 answers · asked by TOP DOG 4

How many chucks could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

2006-10-10 01:03:59 · 6 answers · asked by kittycat_cc14 3