Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

2006-10-10 12:16:08 · 8 answers · asked by Chris cc 1

One day, Mickey Mouse arrived home with Minnie a little late...
He said nothing for a while and suddenly he tells her: -Minnie, I want the divorce.- Minnie says: -What??!! Are you f*cking crazy!!- Mickey: Noo!! I'm F*cking Daisy!!!

2006-10-10 11:59:39 · 17 answers · asked by Stuntman Skorpionn 3

\cheese

2006-10-10 11:48:05 · 10 answers · asked by kl36rat 2

You have 10 trees and you have to plant them in five rows but each row must contain 4 trees. How is this possible?

2006-10-10 11:35:44 · 15 answers · asked by Mr T 4

A man comes home early from work while his wife was having an affair up in her room. She hears him come in the house, so she hides her lover in the closet. The guy hears a voice.
"sure is dark in here." says womans son.
"yup," says the guy
"this sure is a nice baseball" the kid says
"uh, sure kid" the guy says
"I'll sell it to you for 50 bucks" the kid says
"you're crazy!" the man replies
"my dad is right outside" the kid says
"okay, i'll buy it"

A few days later, the same thing happens. The husband comes home. The wife throws Sancho into the closet.
"sure is dark in here" the kid says
"yup" says the guy
"this sure is a nice baseball glove i've got here" the kid says
"how much?" the guy asks
"$100" says the kid
"deal"

2006-10-10 11:34:34 · 14 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

You are in a room that is an 8x8x8 perfect cube. There are no windows, or doors (don't ask me how you got in there). In the center of the floor there is a 12 inch pipe that is sticking 6 inches out of the floor. In the bottom of the pipe is a ping pong ball with a diameter that is one millimeter smaller than the inner diameter of the pipe.

You have a 12 inch piece of string, a match, a magnifying glass, a 6" ruler and a paper clip.

How do you get the ping pong ball out of the hole?

2006-10-10 11:28:14 · 6 answers · asked by Mr T 4

There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word - from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

2006-10-10 11:27:00 · 9 answers · asked by Mr T 4

one day little jimmy came home from school with homework,little jimmy had to make a speech on how apes protect themselves, and what they eat.well he had no idea what the answer to either of them was so he asked around

first he asked his dad how they protect themselves, he said 'well jimmy, they have strong teeth' anything else? asked jimmy. his father not thinking he would take him seriously he said 'and they rip your nuts off if they get mad at you!'
well jimmy took him seriously and jotted it down in his notebook.
next he asked his mother what they eat, and being the 50's like woman she was, she thought people still used gay to mean 'happy'. and replied 'well deary, they eat nuts and bannanas to keep them gay and full!' he jotted all of this down.

the next day it was jimmys turn to read his speech to the class room.and his parents were listening
' apes are realy gay animals, they eat nuts and bannanas. they protect themselves by biting and ripping your nuts off!'

2006-10-10 11:19:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

So they don't poke your eyes out.

2006-10-10 11:17:04 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 11:11:32 · 9 answers · asked by filotofo 1

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a hot blonde walks up and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," she says to the two men, "but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." She strips naked and rolls the dice.

As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down screams, "I WON I WON!!"

She then hugs both the dealers, picks up her money and her clothes, and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

2006-10-10 11:11:12 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table when a hot blonde walks up and bets $20,000 on a single roll of the dice. "I hope you don't mind," she says to the two men, "but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." She strips naked and rolls the dice.

As the dice come to a stop, she jumps up and down screams, "I WON I WON!!"

She then hugs both the dealers, picks up her money and her clothes, and quickly leaves. The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded.

Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll, anyway?"

The other answers, "I don't know. I thought YOU were watching."

2006-10-10 11:10:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Priest
Or
Nun
Think
Is
A
Cadillac

2006-10-10 11:10:38 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

okay. i really like guys. then this happens-

Guys i really really like-

don't like me back or typically think I'm weird when i really don't try to.

Guys i don't like- they end up liking me. Why me?

okay wanted to ask another question os i didn't have to waist five more points. (trying to gain some here)

Okay second question-

I can get packed easy but need a special way to play, i am thin and play with the push of a button because i am a _____________!

have fun heres another one just 4 u!

move me anyware, though not that far, i am attached to a cord, and make a cool arrow.

must answer both right to get the po*ints

2006-10-10 11:06:36 · 5 answers · asked by Carly 2

They are both meat substitues.

2006-10-10 10:58:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery.
One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.'

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age.

A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

"Mayor, you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen three times this week!"

2006-10-10 10:56:16 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Nevermind. It's Retarded.

2006-10-10 10:52:52 · 9 answers · asked by VetteLeo 6

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood
ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We've discovered that when I'm in a good mood, it turns green.

When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big ******* red mark on his
forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond

2006-10-10 10:51:11 · 6 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2006-10-10 10:38:07 · 11 answers · asked by yagurlbubblez 3

Once, long ago, a successful merchant married a lovely younger lady. He traveled frequently (he ran a caravan). One day, on his return home, the servants met him at the door crying, "We heard a man's voice from the mistresses bedroom. But when we knocked, she wouldn't answer and when we finally broke in we found her astride a very large chest. She won't let us look inside."

The man walked to where his wife sat on the chest. "Honey," he said. "What have you got in that chest?"

She sniffed. "Look for yourself, but from this day forward, I'll know you don't trust me."

A wise man, he paused to think. Then he called four of his strongest servants. They carried the chest out back and buried it deep below the ground.

The couple never spoke of the chest again. They lived happily for many years and they raised many fine children.

2006-10-10 10:34:06 · 16 answers · asked by Laura D 2

2006-10-10 10:21:00 · 43 answers · asked by haveacigar 2

2006-10-10 10:09:43 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

The lone ranger and tonto are attacked by indians and it is not going good at all. Looks like the indians are going to win. The Lone Ranger says to Tonto "suppose we make a run for it". And Tonto say "what's this we stuff White Man".

2006-10-10 09:59:58 · 9 answers · asked by barrettins 3

to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill.

When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek!

Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek.

In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately,
she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again.

My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me!

Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50.

My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do?

The woman in me took over!

I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his butt,
grabbed the eighty bucks, and left!!!!

2006-10-10 09:44:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man wanted to pick a fair,so he got his self a prostitute
after doing their business,the prostitute collected her money and before closing the door ,turned and wave the man bye bye using her pinky finger.

the man in reply,using two fingers in the side of his mouth,sprawling his mouth said "aw rit bye bye"

2006-10-10 09:41:06 · 11 answers · asked by cheeks the slick 2

Listen closely, I'm hard to understand I am as elusive as is a handful of sand Even if you perceive me, you know me not before you can tell me, what I have forgot.;

2006-10-10 09:29:36 · 12 answers · asked by Antizzle 2

not trying to insult your inteligence a pheaseants are season birds that can be shot between sept and nov,

2006-10-10 09:26:31 · 9 answers · asked by lizzard 2

2006-10-10 09:22:23 · 15 answers · asked by bagyman 3

on our first pheaseant shoot we were hoping for 5 people but 15 turned up, it was to many anyway as we entered the meadow, hares and pheaseants came out of nowhere, every body started shootin one lad was shot in the shoulder and one in the ankle, not serious wounds we called for the medics, so we made our way back up to the road, we met a local farmer, he says that was a lot of gun fire, he had a look at the injuries, he says not all bad he could see some blood drippin from the bag, well he says at least thas full, i had to tell thats the dog

2006-10-10 09:16:41 · 12 answers · asked by lizzard 2

A guy & a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did you figure that out?" "Didn't feel a thing

2006-10-10 09:16:01 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous