Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

soem guys acting cocky, bout his joke so which is betta?
gran and grandad sitting down to breakfast ,
gran says do you know ....my nipples are as hot 4 you 2day as they were 50 yrs ago.
grandad says "of course they are


ones in coffee ,the others in your porridge


or?

There was a man that was sitting in a recliner on the 1st floor of his house. It started to flood. 1 hour later a boat came and said "c'mon get in!" The man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me!", so the boat left.2 hours later he was forced to move to the 2nd floor. Another rescue boat came and said "c'mon get in". Again the man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me!" 3 hours later he was forced to move up on the roof. A helicopter came and said "c'mon get in". Again the man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me." 4 hours later he died and went to heaven and he asked St. Peter why God didn't save him. St. Peter said "He tried! He sent you 2 rescue boats and a helicopter!!!!"

2006-10-11 00:54:33 · 15 answers · asked by som1 3

If you went back in time, (assuming that was possible), and killed your past self, that would then mean that your future self no longer existed, to travel back in time to do the deed!

Ideas?

2006-10-11 00:22:01 · 23 answers · asked by gmarti93 1

Two professors were having an argument as to why the head of a man's penis was larger than its’ shaft.
“YABA YABA YABA YABA”
Suddenly a voice is heard from above,
“WHAT IS ALL THIS NOISE I HEAR?” asks God
“well my lord, we have just concluded studies on why the head of a man's penis is larger than its’ shaft”
“and my final verdict is that the head is larger than the shaft to give man more pleasure during sex.” ,said the first professor.
“No it isn’t, the reason is to give the woman more pleasure during sex.” Said the second professor.

“NO IT ISN’T, IT’S WAS TO KEEP ADAMS HAND FROM FLYING OFF AND HITTING HIMSELF IN THE FOREHEAD!!..........ooops”

2006-10-11 00:20:23 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once there was a parrot and he swore like a sailor. He belonged to a goody-goody little old man. parrot kept swearing. The little old man said, "If you don't stop swearing, I will put you in a cupboard!" The parrot kept right on swearing. So the little old man put the parrot in the cupboard. The parrot was kicking the walls and making a lot of racket until the little old man finally took him out. The parrot kept swearing so the little old man said, "If you keep swearing, I am going to put you in the freezer!" The parrot kept swearing so the little old man put him in the freezer. The bird was making a racket for about 5 min then it was all quiet. the Man was beginning to get scared, so he opened up the freezer. The birdquietly stepped out, his hands folded in front of him. He said, "I will be good as long as I live! By the way, what did the chicken do?"
i know not so good. but made me laugh

2006-10-11 00:12:39 · 13 answers · asked by som1 3

I recently bought a packet of polo's.. you know..
(the mint with the hole!)
To my disgust though, the hole in one of the mints was missing!

Outrageous I hear you say.

I have since written to the customer complaints department demanding the missing hole as I was wholly dissatisfied that I had received more mint for my money than I was promised in their advertising campaigns.

I've just received a package from them which was empty, and a letter attached stating that inside was my missing hole.

The package was bigger than the hole that i was missing, so I am not sure if they have sent my missing hole, or a hole from something else!! Also how do I know that they've sent me my whole hole or just a part of it.... or even someone else's!!

Shall i accept that they have fulfilled their obligation, or seek further professional help??

What do you think??

2006-10-11 00:00:42 · 36 answers · asked by gmarti93 1

2006-10-10 23:49:05 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 23:42:01 · 2 answers · asked by nerdich_dk31 1

Visitor

(I'm pentacostal and I found this funny!)

2006-10-10 23:25:12 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a man that was sitting in a recliner on the 1st floor of his house. It started to flood. 1 hour later a boat came and said "c'mon get in!" The man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me!", so the boat left.2 hours later he was forced to move to the 2nd floor. Another rescue boat came and said "c'mon get in". Again the man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me!" 3 hours later he was forced to move up on the roof. A helicopter came and said "c'mon get in". Again the man said "no, I have faith in God...he'll save me." 4 hours later he died and went to heaven and he asked St. Peter why God didn't save him. St. Peter said "He tried! He sent you 2 rescue boats and a helicopter!!!!"

2006-10-10 23:23:04 · 28 answers · asked by som1 3

2006-10-10 23:02:22 · 22 answers · asked by Skitz_kitty2000 1

It rrefers to all humans

2006-10-10 22:39:07 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Am looking to gather chicken jokes for my poultry website, just for a little fun. Thanks!

2006-10-10 22:16:23 · 7 answers · asked by Giovanni 3

a trombone or a nacho?

2006-10-10 21:56:40 · 8 answers · asked by markhatter 6

2006-10-10 21:50:34 · 27 answers · asked by carlaroberts18 3

What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die?

2006-10-10 21:49:31 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 21:36:41 · 9 answers · asked by dentist 2

2006-10-10 21:12:57 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman is picked up by a basketball player in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt and she sees that on his arm is a tattoo which reads Reebok. She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it.

He says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for the advertisement."

A bit later, his pants are off and she sees Puma tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word Aids tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has Aids!"

He says, "It's cool baby...in a minute it's going to say Adidas.

2006-10-10 21:12:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four men started playing dominoes.The Welshman played double blank.The Scotsman played four/three on one end.The Irishman played six/two on the other side.The Englishman said I'm knocking!!!!!!!Does this mean that the English are honest but stupid,or, are the Scots,Irish and Welsh just cheating bstds who will take advantage of their neighbour at every opportunity????

2006-10-10 21:07:45 · 9 answers · asked by pasky 2

An Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, Jew, Christian and a Bhudist walk into a bar. The barman says whats this some kind of joke

2006-10-10 20:55:42 · 23 answers · asked by sam h 1

2006-10-10 20:49:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 20:47:09 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hey you have probally seen this question before but i have to put this post up because something went wrong with my other account and now i am having to post a new question. So if you havent seen this post before my name is kelsie and i am 13 years old and i am building a fansite for Emma Roberts. I feel like my website is missing something and also i want to know what everyone thinks about it so if you would visit it you could tell me what you think about it and what it needs - www.absolutelyemma.piczo.com.

2006-10-10 20:10:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-10 20:03:44 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Three men go to see a show, the receptionist at the cash desk said, the total to be paid is $30, so each man paid $10 and went into the show.

A while later the receptionist realised that she should have charged them $25, so she sent a wee boy to the theatre to give them $5 back.

The wee boy couldnt figure how to split the money evenly between the three men , so he gave them each $1 and kept $2 for himself for a treat.
This meant that each man had paid $9 , which is a total of $27, add the $2 that the wee boy kept = $29.
Where is the missing $1.

2006-10-10 19:56:14 · 14 answers · asked by smithy 3

______ of the ______ Panther

The funniest comedy movie!...

First right answerer..will be picked!

2006-10-10 19:40:14 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

If You Are Unhappy.

Once upon a time there was a nonconforming sparrow who deceided, not to fly south for the winter.
However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south.
In a short time ice started to form on his wings and he fell to the earth, ending up in a barnyard, almost frozen.
A cow passed by and craped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought this was the end, but warm and happy, and able to breathe, he started to sing.
Just then a large cat came by and hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the little sparrow and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story.

1. Every one who shits on you, is not
necessarily your enemy.

2. Every one who gets you out of the ****
is not necessarily your friend.

3. And, if you are warm and happy in a pile of
****, keep your mouth shut.

2006-10-10 19:32:08 · 21 answers · asked by smithy 3

Last time, we had this following riddle:

What happened to the paper company that went broke?
A: It folded!

Heheheh. And here is today's riddle:

Why are the soldiers always so tired on the first of April?

Good luck! :)

2006-10-10 19:31:10 · 13 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

1 = P of P P that P P P

2006-10-10 19:29:23 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst.

She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine.

Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine.

Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change.

She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button.

Out came a Mello Yello.

As she was reaching into her purse again, the business man who had been waiting patiently for several minutes now spoke up.

"Excuse me Ms. but are you done yet?"

She looked at him and indignantly replied: "Well Duhhh!, I'm still winning"

2006-10-10 19:23:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous