Am looking to gather chicken jokes for my poultry website, just for a little fun. Thanks!
2006-10-10 22:16:23 · 7 answers · asked by Giovanni 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A chicken walked into a library, came up to the desk and said "Book, book, book!" The librarian was a bit amazed but she gave the chicken a book and she strutted out with the book under her wing.
The next day the chicken was back with the book, put it on the desk and said "Book, book, book!" the librarian was amazed at this display of fowl literacy [you said semi-clean, so I had to put that in] and gave the chicken another book.
The next day, the same thing happened, and the next, and the librarian was getting very curious so, as it was her half day, she decided to follow the chicken.
The chicken strutted down the High Street and then went under a gate into a field towards the river. The librarian had some trouble climbing the gate in her tight skirt but managed to catch up with the chicken just as she reached the river bank. There she watched as the chicken gave the book to a large frog who took one look at the book and croaked "Reddit, reddit!"
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Ordinary Cockerel - cockadoodledoo
Backwards Cockerel - doodoodlecock
Gay Cockerel - anycock'lldo
(possibly not for your site or the sight of your customers!)
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This farmer had an old rooster and he thought it might be time to get a new young rooster to service his hens. He got himself a new rooster and let him loose with the old rooster. The young rooster went right over to the old rooster and challenged him to a fight. The old rooster said, "Sonny, I'm too old to fight. Just follow me around, and I'll show you the place." The young rooster agreed and started to follow the old rooster around. The old rooster showed him the barn, then the hen house...then started to run. The young rooster thought the old rooster was trying to pull a quick one, so he chased after him madly.
All of a sudden, there came a loud "Bang!" and there stood the farmer, muttering "Dangit, that's the third gay rooster I've had to kill this month."
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Two children both in Grade 3 ate chicken sandwiches every day for lunch. Partway through the year both children recognized this similarity and became friends.
They were friends up untill Grade 6 when one day the little girl all of a sudden stopped eating chicken sandwhiches. The boy confronted her and said "Why are you not eating chicken sandwhiches? I am not going to be your friend any more." The girl replies "I had to, I started to grow feathers down there".
The little boy said let me see. The little girl pulled down her pants and showed him and the little boy quickly said "Yaah you better stop."
The little boy and girl remained friends. The boy ate chicken and the girl ate what ever. One day the little boy stopped eating his chicken sandwiches as well. The little girl wondered why and asked him. the little boy replied "I started to grow feathers down there as well." The little girl said "Let me see" so the little boy showed her. She said "OMG! Its too late! You already have the neck and gall too!"
2006-10-10 22:25:31 · answer #1 · answered by Owlwings 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Q. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A. It was the chicken's day off.
_____________________________________________________
Why did the chicken cross the road?
KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
PLATO: For the greater good of man.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
OSAMA BIN LADEN: That chicken knew nothing of its mission (ha ha ha) only that it would be a martyr.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and uccessfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?"
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?"
CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
ALBERT EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road... it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
BILL CLINTON: I did not, and I repeat, did not have sexual relations with that chicken.
PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hard working American.
L.A.P.D.: Give us five minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
GEORGE W. BUSH: The chicken crossed the road because he was an evil-doer, and we smoked him out of his hole and got him on the run!
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EVERYTHING UNDER HERE IS A BIT RACY OR DIRTY
Why does the Easter Bunny hide his eggs?
Because he doesn't want anyone to know he's screwing a chicken.
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Why don't chickens wear underwear?
Because their peckers are on their faces!
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2006-10-10 22:52:00 · answer #2 · answered by JG 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
• An ATM's jammed & failed when operated by Santa. Why? B'coz he put a pin from his turban when asked: Enter ur Pin
• If I reach for your hand, will you hold it? If I hold out my arms, will you hug me? If I go for your lips, will you kiss me? If I capture your heart, will you luv me?
• Boy: I'm not rich like Rahul, I don't even have a big car like Rahul, but I really Luv U!
Girl: I luv u too, but tell me more about Rahul.
• An old rich man marries a young gal. Interviewer asks the girl: Apne inmein shaadi ke liye kya dekha?
Girl: Ek to inki income aur doosre inke din kum.
• Reverse dynamics: When a man becomes rich he becomes naughty & when a woman becomes naughty.... she becomes rich.
• It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.
• It is difficult to understand GOD. He makes such beautiful things as women and then he turns them into Wives !
• Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish.
• Why do Bride & Groom exchange varmaala during wedding ?
To tell each other affectionately... Sweetheart U R Dead !
• Different Phases of a man:
After engagement: Superman
After Marriage: Gentleman
After 10 years: Watchman
After 20 years: Doberman
any one want more lol......!
2006-10-10 23:06:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Q: Why did the chicken end up in the soup?
A: Because it ran out of cluck!
Q: What happened when the chicken ate cement?
A: She laid a sidewalk!
Q: What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
A: She kicked the bucket!
Q: What do you call a crazy chicken?
A: A cuckoo cluck!
Q: What happened to the chicken whose feathers were all pointing the wrong way?
A: She was tickled to death!
2006-10-10 22:22:16 · answer #4 · answered by Spongebob 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Um... i'm uncertain how old you're, so I hesitate to respond to this. whether that's making connection with some thing sexual. comprehend the old question approximately which got here first, the hen or the egg? that's all i visit declare. (i'm specific somebody else would be extra exhibit, yet i'm not keen to, in case you're a youthful'n. : P)
2016-10-16 01:46:28 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
alright new one for you
Why did the chicken cross the road?
to get to the other side.
Wow, thats an amazing joke.
2006-10-10 22:19:31 · answer #6 · answered by Southie9 5 · 0⤊ 3⤋
http://www.ahajokes.com/chicken_jokes.ht..
2006-10-10 23:18:02 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋