Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

cheer up...lighten up...it's 2006..buddy!!

2006-10-09 17:13:28 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

When my friend told me he had found Jesus, I thought, Yahoo! We're rich! But it turned out to be something different.

2006-10-09 17:11:04 · 14 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

2006-10-09 17:09:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-09 17:07:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself, "mankind". Basically it's made up of two separate words, "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

2006-10-09 17:06:48 · 7 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

2006-10-09 17:05:45 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Or bad ones...

2006-10-09 17:04:19 · 2 answers · asked by ♫♪♫TAY-LUR♫♪♫ 3

Ok for those of you whom are miserable and dont have a sense of humor dont even bother replying..,just having fun and trying to lighten up some.

2006-10-09 16:42:21 · 20 answers · asked by halfbright 5

Treasure chests with no handles. How the heck are you supposed to carry it?!

2006-10-09 16:41:36 · 9 answers · asked by ₦âħí»€G 6

First of all you have to get some joker to go out and buy the bulb!

2006-10-09 16:25:54 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

As im thinking in my head of all those marvalous things you have said

How we would buy a plane and fly all over the world

How we would buy a house a have a family of are own

But that was before i knew you would leave and never come back

Before you left and died of a heart attack

But even thogh we're far apart your still very close in my heart

2006-10-09 16:23:02 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

if the pronou of 'man' is 'he' and the pronoun of 'woman' is 'she' then what is the pronoun of a shemale?






woow,this is my first stupid and useless question.don't you agree?

2006-10-09 16:19:31 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

I got these in an email awhile back, if you got some, post 'em, I love to read 'em!

QUICKIES
#1) One day, a husband came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing.

#2) A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the da** lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the he** out."
#3) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

2006-10-09 16:17:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

The perfect man is gentle, never cruel nor mean
He has a beautiful smile and keep his face clean.
The perfect man likes children, and will raise them by your side
He will be a good father and husband.
He'll do anything in his power to convey his feelings of love to you
The perfect man is sweet, writting poetry from your name.
He's a best friend to your mother and kisses away your pain.
He never has made you cry, or batter you in anyway....


TO HELL WITH THIS ENDLESS POEM!
THE PERFECT MAN IS GAY!

2006-10-09 16:13:57 · 10 answers · asked by ♥Sapphire 7

The world would be a better place if women realized that men have other interests than love and marriage
Her diary:-
I was supposed to meet him for dinner but I was late. He made no comment but didn't say anything during dinner and his thoughts seemed elswhere.
Driving home I told him I loved him but he didn't say anything, he seemed preocupied.
When we got home we watched TV but his thoughts were elsewhere so I went to bed. He surprised me by coming to bed and making love. Right after he went to sleep. I cried because I know he was thinking of somebody else.I am devastated and feel my life is a disaster.
His diary:-
The Oilers lost today but at least I got laid.

2006-10-09 15:58:09 · 12 answers · asked by Buck 5

Two best friends,Paddy and Mick working on a building site,Paddy on the 3rd floor and Mick on the 5th floor....Mick takes a header over the side,he plunges to his death.....The bosses of the site runs over to see what happened.One worker told the bosses that Mick slipped and fell but when they asked Paddy if he knew what happened to Mick he told them that Mick died of a STD(sexual transmitted disease)......The bosses asked Paddy how this was and Paddy replied" Well on his way down i heard him say ' I'm a goner here '

2006-10-09 15:57:09 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do we know that north america is in the north and south america is in the south? you could say to use a compass but those are just made up term. maybe north america is really in the south. is this just europeans assuming they are on top and making all of their maps like that. even if you go to the moon and look at the earth if you see north america "upside down" and in the south, you would just assume that you are on the south pole of the moon. maybe the earth is really upside down, or maybe it spins sideways. how can we figure this out?

2006-10-09 15:48:32 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-09 15:47:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-09 15:34:11 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-09 15:31:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

a dyslexic walks into a bra

2006-10-09 15:23:19 · 24 answers · asked by Rhiannon. Stay[[+]] 4

Add 1 to 5 to get 4.......and b4 yous all start theres no subtraction or negative numbers.....its just a plain old simple sum ...good luck...it is easy....

2006-10-09 15:17:01 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's the difference between a novel and a book?
How old are you before it can be said you died of old age?
If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?
If someone owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way to the center of the earth?
If you have a cold hot pocket, is it just a pocket?
If humans evolved from monkey's/apes, why are they still here?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is the show called unsolved mysteries? if they were solved they wouldn't be mysteries.
Do penguins have knees?
Why is it said that an alarm clock is going off when really its coming on?


How come people tell you not to stand in front of an emergency exit when if there was an emergency surely you would run through it?
Why did Sally sell seashells on the seashore when you can just pick them up anyway?
In libraries, do they put the bible in the fiction or non-fiction section?
Why are both of Spongebob's parents round like sea sponges while he is square like a kitchen sponge?
Does a two-humped camel store more water than a one-humped camel?
If you pamper a cow, do you get spoiled milk?
Why is it that if someone yells "duck" they are helping you, but if they yell "chicken" they are insulting you?
If the FBI breaks your door down do they have to pay for it?
If they have angel food cake on earth, do they have people food cake in heaven?
If you fart and burp at the same time, would it make a vacuum in your tummy?
Do they call a fortune teller who cant see a "blind seer"?
Why do you put two cents in when its only a penny for your thoughts?
Can you cry underwater?
You know the signs on restaurant doors? No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service? what if someone goes in with No Pants? Would the restaurant still have to serve them?
If an African elephant comes to America, is it an African-American elephant?
Why doesn't flavored gum turn your mouth that color?
If a doctor suddenly died while doing surgery, would the other doctors work on the doctor or the patient?
Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull our little ones to sleep when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting the wind crash the cradle to the ground?
Why do we say we're head over heels when we're happy? Isn't that the way we normally are?
If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water... how did she ever bathe?
If bald people work as chefs in a restaurant,do they have to wear hairnets?
Why do sleeping pills have warning labels that state :'Caution: May Cause Drowsiness?
Do nudists have pin-ups of people with clothes on?
How can Darth Vader breathe and talk at the same time?
If there's a wheelchair-bound comedian, is it still called "stand-up"?
When the French swear do they say pardon my English?
Do people who use sign language see little hands in their head when they think about what somebody said, or do they hear the words in their head?
How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
Why do they call someone "late" if they died early?
Why are the adjectives 'fast as' and 'slow as' often used in conjunction with hell, is hell slow or fast?
If the serving size on a can of soda is one can, then why is the serving size on the little can one can, too? Wouldn't the little cans be 2 cans?
If a king is gay and marries another guy what is that guy to the royal family?
Why are red buttons always the most important?
How is chess considered a sport?
Why is it when your sleeping it`s called drool but when your awake its called spit?
If a hermaphrodite got sent to a certain gender prison, which one would it get sent to?
If a teacher were to teach a younger grade than they were teaching before, would they be "degraded"?
If you get chemo-therapy do you lose your pubic hairs?
Would you die if you didn't pee?
Why does every Abraham Lincoln impersonator sound the same, even though there are no known audio recordings of the man?
How's come people tell you to stay a kid for as long as you can. Yet the moment you do anything childish or immature they tell you to grow up.
Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
When Jewish People go to Court, they can't swear on the bible, can they?
If marbles are not made of marble, why are they called marbles?
If you dig a hole through the center of the earth, come out on the other side, and then let go, would you be falling down or floating up?
Could you be a closet claustrophobic?
Could someone be addicted to counseling? If so, how would you treat them?
If ketchup is good on french fries, how come it isn't good on mashed potatoes?
Where do all the daylight savings hours go?
Why doesn't the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?
What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?
Why when people ask you "what three things would you bring with you on a desert island?" no one ever replies, "A BOAT"
Why are elderly people often called "old people" but children are never called "new people"?
How does Freddy Kruger wipe his butt?
Why doesn't broccoli come in a can?
Can you slam a revolving door?
How young can you be, but still die of old age?
What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder?
Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons?
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
Can you read a picture book?
Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism?
Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts!
If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror?
if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19?
What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8?
What shape is the sky?
If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead?
Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves?
If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking?
If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them?
What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea?
Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic?

2006-10-09 15:12:54 · 15 answers · asked by nafarius333 2

Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.


"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" asks Father O'Grady.


"Oh, Father," she says, "I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night."


"Oh, Mary, that's terrible," says the priest. "Tell me, did he have any last requests?"


"That he did, Father..."


"What did he ask, Mary?"


"He said, 'Please Mary, put down that gun'!"

2006-10-09 15:10:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

its as simple as that, amuse me,

ready.....

steady.....

GO.........................

2006-10-09 14:28:23 · 14 answers · asked by dark-knight 2

What is this means: 1,2,3,...38,39,40 LIFE?

2006-10-09 14:28:21 · 15 answers · asked by Dogman 61 3

I love _________!

2006-10-09 14:24:21 · 64 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm doing my senior legacy and i need something funny and unique

oh and funny words of wisdoms would be great too

2006-10-09 14:23:30 · 5 answers · asked by Julie 2

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned
to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

2006-10-09 14:13:43 · 43 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

just wondering

2006-10-09 14:00:38 · 20 answers · asked by inez s 1