its as simple as that, amuse me,
ready.....
steady.....
GO.........................
2006-10-09 14:28:23 · 14 answers · asked by dark-knight 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
In the waiting room
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labour and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room.
About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."
The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air."
The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
2006-10-15 11:05:52 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda K 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. A millionaires wife decides to go shopping for a car for the day. Upon entering the Lamborghini showroom, one of the luxury convertables catch her eye and she walks over to check out the interior. Whilst leaning over to see the leather she passed wind. Upon doing so she quickly stood up hoping that no one had heard, or will smell her silent but deadly. When she turnt around she saw one of the sales men walking towards her.
Salesmen 'Ah madam, I see you are interested in our new Lamborghini Murciélago Roadster'
Millionaires wife 'Yes it is just divine, and the leather interior...'
Salesmen 'Well, if you farted at the sight of it, you'll s**t yourself over the price'!!!
2. A man was walking down a beach one day when he noticed this girl with no arms and no legs crying on the beach. The man went over to her asked her what was wrong. The girl said 'I'm 21 years old, I've got no arms and no legs and I've never been kissed before'. So the man with sympathy in his heart picked her up and gave her a sweet tender kiss, After which he continued on his walk. However he could hear that the girl was still crying so he turned around and asked what was wrong. The girl said, 'I'm 21 years old, I've got no arms and no legs and I've never been screwed before'. So the man picked her up romantically off of the beach and threw her into the sea and said 'Your screwed now'!!!
3. There were two old men sitting in rocking chairs in their OAP's home.
Old man 1 ' You wanna hear a dirty joke'
Old man 2 'oh alright then'
Old man 1 'There was a girl and she fell in mud'!!!
4. If non of these made you laugh then maybe this OAP's fight will... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIRCmCQJnnY
2006-10-15 14:55:22 · answer #2 · answered by african_queen_86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A mother takes her young son to the doctor.
She tells the doc that she doesn't think his little willie isn't growing much as he gets older.
The doc tells her it is only natural that it will not grow at the same rate as her son will.
She rants and raves at the doctor and is causing a fair disturbance in the surgery, so to try and quieten her down he tells her that a medical trade secret is to give him as much toast as she can and he will grow a whopper.
The following morning the son comes down for breakfast and finds 2 loaves of bread all toasted. He says to his mum that he will never be able to eat all that toast, to which his mother replies, no,no, son, just have the top slice and leave the rest for your father.
2006-10-17 17:00:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted .
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: April 11, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. It sure is hot down here!!!
2006-10-12 15:57:22 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
An old man wakes up in the middle of the night and finds that his pecker is as hard as a rock for the first time in years.He wakes his wife and shows her his erection."Look at that?" he exclaims happily."What do you think we ought to do with it?" His wife replies."Well,seeing as you've got all the wrinkles out,now might be a good time to wash it."
2006-10-11 06:31:08 · answer #5 · answered by the gunners 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A cucumber, a pickle & a penis are talking about there awful lives.
Cucumber says, "my life sucks, when I get big,fat & juicy they cut me up & toss me in a salad".
Pickle says " when I get big, fat & juicy, they cover me in vinegar & throw me in a jar".
Penis says "well you think that's bad, wait till you hear this! When I get big, fat & juicy they pull a tent over my head, stick me in a dark room & bang my head against the wall till I throw up & pass out!"
2006-10-14 20:22:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 nuns die and go to heaven, they stand at the pearly gates with st peter, st peter says "you have been very loyal nun, but i need to ask one question to u all" the nuns nod.... st peter asks the 1st nun, "have u had any sexual contact with a man, she replies "i'v played with 'it' with my thumb and fore finger, st peter says "thats disgusting go over to the font and wash ur hands immediatley, she did and went into heaven...
he turns to the 2nd nun "have u had any sexual contact with a man?" and before the 2nd nun could reply, the 3rd nun rushes over to the font, and starts drinking the water....
st peter says to the 3rd nun, "what do u think u are doing" the nun replies, "if u think i'm washing my mouth out after she's washed her **** in it, u got another thing coming!"
2006-10-13 14:52:20 · answer #7 · answered by storm.minx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, 10 year old boy and a 9 year old girl are playing in the swimming pool. the girl splashes the boy who says " right that's it, I'm gonna duck you!"
the girl says " oh no your not! you cant even say it properly."
now smile, i dare you
2006-10-13 10:16:29 · answer #8 · answered by thesingist 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
that would be so sad if the first guy didnt get best answer after writing out 100 jokes he clearly selected from a book!!lol
2006-10-14 06:06:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
to fly s eating dog **** one farts the other one said do you mind am eating my dinner
2006-10-17 18:36:06 · answer #10 · answered by phillipblinkho@btinternet.com 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋